How Can I be healed?

[kimmye]

I grew up in one of those backward places where females who are sexually abuse are often stigmatized. We hear that we were "asking for it", that we are promiscuous-- the other word for it. that we tempted the guy...
I was raped at the age of 7 by a neighbor's son who was almost 18. He went to prison for a year, and then came back to live next door. I never got counseling, and I don't think the people in the community-- my mom included took it seriously. I overheard the adults talking about how sorry he was, and that he had been extremely stressed out, and he never meant to do it.
A few years later, I moved to a different city so that I could go to school. I stayed with a stepsister, whose husband also molested me. I was 14 at the time. It never went to court, and again I was told that I had tempted him, and that it was somehow my fault.
I know now that that is not the case, but I know I'm messed up. I've never been in a healthy relationship, I've been extremely promiscuous, I tend to pick up guys who are either abusive or trying to leach off of me, I don't like or respect men very much, and I have a porn addiction-- particularly lesbian porn.
I want to have children one day and have a family, but I'm so angry. I don't know how to relate to men. It's either sex or aggression, and I know I'll never forgive my abuser-- I don't want to, and anyway I can't.
I know this is kind of garbled, but I'm just writing as things pop out
I want what my friends have. I've never been on a date,or had anyone who cared for me. It's always been that I've met guys and then straight to stage 16, and then I start hating them or they start trying to control me, and then I hate them even more.
I ended a very bad relationship in January of this year, and I've been single and celibate since. I want to be happy and free and I want to do things the right way, but I don't know how. I don't want to live like this forever.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You're my lil sis and I love you and care about you.

I recommend some counselling. They can help you work through things. I think dealing with the anger you have will help tremendously.

Making healthy decisions every day will begin to steer you down a better path.

I believe in you.

 

[Johnnz]

Your story is not uncommon. You will need a lot of support and wise counselling. You have many issues to work through. Thankfully Jesus will walk through them with you, but he also would want other members of his earthly family to walk alongside of you as well.

John
NZ

 

[restore]

Sister, if no counselor, Pls find self help books or websites to read , and keep checking back this forum.

My self is reading a book of inner child healing, it helps, u can search it on google, too. We can never find a balanced relationship unless we get healed of the childhood.

U can pm me or more members of this forum too, talking and counsel each other is helpful.

 

[chloeobrien]

I am really sorry to hear about your experiences. I was raped 2 years ago and I'm still fighting for my life today. I'm still in a lot of pain and a lot of problems. Therapy has helped, medication has some too but I know thats not for everyone, and group therapy can help a lot too. A lot of hospitals have anonymous and FREE support groups for things like this, you may want to call and find out. If you're going to school somewhere there is usually free counseling available and usually someone who knows how to handle your situation. Writing/talking about it can help a lot. So if you don't want therapy right now that may be of help. Change little things in your life, change your hair style, change the scent of deodorant, maybe even your clothes style and bit of the environment around you, it may sound odd but it helps a ton. If you wan t to talk PM or e-mail or IM me my info is on my page. If you want me to get you some resources I got and mail them to you I can do that, or we can send each other letters or whatever helps you out. I hope that you can find help here and that you start on the road to recovery, its going to be long but I just KNOW its going to be worth it in the end.

I give you all my love and support,
Chloe

 

[MorkandMindy]

I would consider two actions

If you are worried about being assaulted you might take up a martial art

The other is I think the mind attempts to reduce the mental energy resulting from an assault, so I would go with your heart. You may need see the other end of the equation; the one paying attention to someone female. You mentioned lesbian porn, well lesbian relationships cover a very wide spectrum from committed friendships on. The Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things, I find the heart is wonderfully accurate about what you need, (the role of the mind is in allowing for other people who think differently). The real problem is the mind rationalises away what you want so you sometimes need to get under the preconceptions to what you really need. Basically cut yourself some slack and do what you want.

As an example I was talking to a friend a while back who couldn't decide whether to be a camera person or a sound engineer at the local TV studio. I asked her if a new person joined and became the sound engineer if she would be upset and she said 'no'. Then I asked the new person changed the next day and decided to become the camera man if my friend would be jealous and she said 'would I ever'. It is the mind that is deceitful, the heart knows exactly what you need, getting past your mind to your heart may require some round about games.

A year later you may feel more normal, or you may stay like that for life, but it is better to be happy than living in misery trying to act normal. Two women can have one or more children.

In Bonobo society the females are together and form the core of the tribe and from the way human women react to one another I think we have a fair amount of that instinct in our own society. I live in a village and women are generally together in toddlers groups and clothes shopping and chatting out shopping and the younger ones mainly do the bar scene together.

The man with woman together in an isolated house in suburbia is a recent development and I would guess more unnatural than living with a woman or several women. Sorry to come in here like this, I'll go back to GA where I belong, cheers, MorkandMindy