Honoring parents when getting married

[RMDY]

Jesus taught us to honor our mother and fathers. Do you believe this applies to marriage?
Shouldn't we honor the cultural customs of our parents before getting married?

 

[HaloHope]

Jesus taught us to honor our mother and fathers. Do you believe this applies to marriage?
Shouldn't we honor the cultural customs of our parents before getting married?

I answered this before in the other thread but I'll post it here again .

Honouring ones parents and the parents of your partner is fine, but they have no say over a persons relationship or the decisions made in the relationship and I would never ask my family to get involved in any aspects of my relationship.

I dont particularly care whatsoever about any famalies cultural customs, the relationship is about the couples happiness not the famalies.

 

[Zaac]

Jesus taught us to honor our mother and fathers. Do you believe this applies to marriage?

Shouldn't we honor the cultural customs of our parents before getting married?

This may get moved to another forum. But from a Kingdom Perspective, all parties involved need to be careful that the joining does not become more about them and what they have come from , culturally, than it is about uniting in covenant with Jesus Christ.

The relationship with Him needs to be at the forefront of the ceremony. This usually squashes any talk about customs if you're dealing with Christ-honoring Believers.

 

[TheFathersDaughter]

Honoring means respect. Of course you should respect your parents. But respecting is not the same as following. Parents don't always know what's best.

 

[HaloHope]

Honoring means respect. Of course you should respect your parents. But respecting is not the same as following. Parents don't always know what's best.

Put it far better than I did. This is exactly correct.

 

[Ohioprof]

I am a parent, and while my daughter is far too young to get married, I hope that if and when she gets married, she marries for her happiness, not mine. I want her to think for herself, to live as she chooses, and to marry as she chooses, if she decides to marry. I don't care if she marries a man or a woman. That is for her to decide.

We don't own our children. We are responsible for them, but ultimately they do not belong to us. We are here to serve their needs; they are not here to serve ours. I don't expect my daughter to serve my needs. If and when she has children, then she will serve their needs until they grow up. She will pass it forward.

 

[tulc]

uhmmm I'm a little confused why this thread is here?
tulc(doesn't mind it, just a little confused)

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I am a parent, and while my daughter is far too young to get married, I hope that if and when she gets married, she marries for her happiness, not mine. I want her to think for herself, to live as she chooses, and to marry as she chooses, if she decides to marry. I don't care if she marries a man or a woman. That is for her to decide.

We don't own our children. We are responsible for them, but ultimately they do not belong to us. We are here to serve their needs; they are not here to serve ours. I don't expect my daughter to serve my needs. If and when she has children, then she will serve their needs until they grow up. She will pass it forward.

I don't ever plan on getting married, but if I did and had kids, I would do the same thing. It is not about me, it is about them and their happiness. Whether I'd be opposed to it or not, they would be an adult and it would be their choice, not mine. I can't imagine how my parents would be if I were to get married, let alone how her parents would feel about it.. so I guess I would listen to their council. But I really don't plan on ever getting married.

 

[BlueAfgani]

You mean letting you parents determine if your spouse is good enough?

Um, no!

Anyone who would allow as such deserves the misery they will get from not choosing their partner themselves, without the pandering to the parents.

 

[RMDY]

What about if its cultural? Cross-cultural marriages can be complicated!

 

[HaloHope]

What about if its cultural? Cross-cultural marriages can be complicated!

Again if the couple themselves dont have any issues with the others culture, then the parents shouldnt stick their noses in whatsoever. The marriage should be how they want.

 

[Jet_A_Jockey]

im involved in what you could consider a bi-racial marriage. I'm half white and half filipino and my wife is white. Needless to say I'm categorized as a pacific islander even though I probably couldn't navigate there with GPS

My father-in-law didn't approve of the marriage at all, but not solely on the race issue. Also the other factors involved surely played a part in it as well. We were very young, and we had no income stability whatsoever. My mother in law was more accepting, and eventually he came around over time.

And yeah, why is this thread here? lol

 

[RMDY]

ok. Thank you everyone for giving me wisdom.

(my twin brother just got married. His wife is filipina and the parents didn't originally approve)

 

[RMDY]

I brought this question to mind because in genesis, one of Abrahams sons worked so many years to allow the father of this women he loved to marry him.

 

[Ohioprof]

im involved in what you could consider a bi-racial marriage. I'm half white and half filipino and my wife is white. Needless to say I'm categorized as a pacific islander even though I probably couldn't navigate there with GPS

My father-in-law didn't approve of the marriage at all, but not solely on the race issue. Also the other factors involved surely played a part in it as well. We were very young, and we had no income stability whatsoever. My mother in law was more accepting, and eventually he came around over time.

And yeah, why is this thread here? lol

I wish you the best in your marriage.

 

[dies-l]

While I agree with the sentiment that parents shouldn't necessarily have veto power over who their kids choose to marry, I would caution people against abandoning the idea of listening to parents' input. Usually, parents have far more life experience than do their kids, and very often their concerns about their children's decision to marry is informed by this experience. For example, when I got married the first time, my parents let me know that they thought I was making a mistake, but once my decision was made, they supported me. In hindsight, I now realize how right they were! My ex-wife and I were so completely mismatched, and our marriage was so dysfunctional, it is really quite amazing that we stayed married for almost eight years, I have heard enough similar stories to believe that parental experience really ought to be one of the more important factors that young people consider when choosing who they are to marry, especially those under (appox.) 25 years, who are still very much adolescent in their thinking and understanding of the world (this is my no means an insult). It is amazing how much learning takes place during the first 10 years of "legal adulthood" (i.e., 18-28), and, as someone who has been there, it always troubles me when I see people in this phase of life choosing to make such big decisions as marriage over their parents' (often much wiser) objections.

 

[Ohioprof]

While I agree with the sentiment that parents shouldn't necessarily have veto power over who their kids choose to marry, I would caution people against abandoning the idea of listening to parents' input. Usually, parents have far more life experience than do their kids, and very often their concerns about their children's decision to marry is informed by this experience. For example, when I got married the first time, my parents let me know that they thought I was making a mistake, but once my decision was made, they supported me. In hindsight, I now realize how right they were! My ex-wife and I were so completely mismatched, and our marriage was so dysfunctional, it is really quite amazing that we stayed married for almost eight years, I have heard enough similar stories to believe that parental experience really ought to be one of the more important factors that young people consider when choosing who they are to marry, especially those under (appox.) 25 years, who are still very much adolescent in their thinking and understanding of the world (this is my no means an insult). It is amazing how much learning takes place during the first 10 years of "legal adulthood" (i.e., 18-28), and, as someone who has been there, it always troubles me when I see people in this phase of life choosing to make such big decisions as marriage over their parents' (often much wiser) objections.

This is good advice, I think. I had a student who graduated from our college and then met a guy that she chose to marry. Her father and step-mother didn't like the guy and felt there was something wrong about him. Her friends felt the same way. Her father and her best friend warned her against marrying this guy, but she married him anyway. They were married only a few months, and he stabbed her to death. He is now in prison, but she is dead.

Her family and friends turned out to be right, tragically.

 

[Jet_A_Jockey]

I wish you the best in your marriage.

Thanks prof, it means alot. I've actually been married for nearly 8 years now, although it doesn't seem like it. It's funny how life seems to pass you by when you don't stop to notice.

 

[MrPirate]

What about if its cultural? Cross-cultural marriages can be complicated!

All marriages are complicated.

I can’t figure out what any of this has to do or is doing in “Debates on Homosexuality”

 

[Jet_A_Jockey]

While I agree with the sentiment that parents shouldn't necessarily have veto power over who their kids choose to marry, I would caution people against abandoning the idea of listening to parents' input. Usually, parents have far more life experience than do their kids, and very often their concerns about their children's decision to marry is informed by this experience. For example, when I got married the first time, my parents let me know that they thought I was making a mistake, but once my decision was made, they supported me. In hindsight, I now realize how right they were! My ex-wife and I were so completely mismatched, and our marriage was so dysfunctional, it is really quite amazing that we stayed married for almost eight years, I have heard enough similar stories to believe that parental experience really ought to be one of the more important factors that young people consider when choosing who they are to marry, especially those under (appox.) 25 years, who are still very much adolescent in their thinking and understanding of the world (this is my no means an insult). It is amazing how much learning takes place during the first 10 years of "legal adulthood" (i.e., 18-28), and, as someone who has been there, it always troubles me when I see people in this phase of life choosing to make such big decisions as marriage over their parents' (often much wiser) objections.

This is good advice. There are so many changes that go on during the phase where you learn financial responsibility and independance, that combined with the responsibility of marriage can become very overwhelming for anyone.