- Jun 22, 2024
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I should start by saying, although I'm not a Catholic, I am a Christian who practices confession, probably being in a category of her own in a way (my gateway into Christ was an obscure book called The Mune Shinri, which is relatively random in terms of spiritual commentary). There exists a lot about me, from trivial traits that should have no bearing (hypergraphia for example, people are borderline superstitious about my communication habits), misconceptions about who I am, and past actions I've committed that inspire what one might call judgment towards me, often by other Christians, with the last thing being what I am judged for on the widest scale, with the misdeeds I'm associated with being the kind that one might expect a human being to have a "psychologically ingrained" inversion to, enough for it to be common to bring up interpretations of Matthew 18:6, even though I don't stand by the version of me they think I am.
If there is anything that I or scripture has perceived that I have inarguably done wrong to someone, I have apologized, and I've had long conversations about these in detail with priests/ministers/etc. and they seem to be understanding, even if they themselves are under pressure by public perceptions of honor. I go to a number of churches from a number of different groups because that's how the local community is combined with the denominational ambiguity which is just a part of me, so this doesn't just pertain to one group either. It's the populace part that intrigues me enough to consult about though.
Anywho, without actually naming the real/perceived misdeeds (except by demand), coming from a very relatively openly judging society, I have gone to confessions and spoken at length about the things people say they don't like about me. Doctrine would say I only have to do this once, but I often bring the same things up on many occasions because larger society invalidates these (a common recurring theme in my life being that those in charge don't mind me while commoners despise me), and it's well-known they invalidate any major apology I've ever given as well, even if the people I've actually apologized to have actually forgiven me (as in people are judging me based on feeling cheated via a sense of disgust it seems, as the people active in judging me are not any who have truly been affected in any classic sense by me).
There is what would be argued as being a weird recurring phenomenon as well, where I might explain to total strangers situations of mine, and they claim to understand, then the more gossipy among those who judge me (who often even make up things about me if they think other people are waning in their judgment) barely say two exaggerated words about my guilt, and suddenly the person who says they understand become one of the judgers, which demonstrates how utterly powerful the situation is over peoples' very cores. It is as if the words of the latter are taken as superior or that I am of lesser personhood, and if my social environments were one big courtroom, they don't ask me questions or present anything for support, they simply imply the deal is sealed and I am permanently evil.
I'm fully considerate that the people here are not like the people I experience, but elsewhere, I'm often told, even by brothers and sisters in Christ, that my past is the kind of past that, if forgiven by someone, that person's ethical standing is dubious. A priest once even was threatened by a whole mass of having his church abandoned forever based on positive, even neutral things he was going to imply about my past, and I could see in his eyes that his hand was forced to vaguely condemn me, though I was able to pretend he didn't have me in mind as I knew that "wasn't him", though that was at a church I've only ever gone to once due to being detoured by the Vermont floods last year, with many seeming to have hoped I didn't make it out of that (I was on the brink), as well as to imply I shouldn't be considered welcome among the sheep of the lord, which is the mindset that made me reflect on all of this, as we're all thinking "one of us has to go" in different senses of the words.
Jesus says he does not expect we would be successful in being like him, but when the power of populace pressure takes precedent over the purity of his ideal message and causes people to be so absolute, at least among the parts of the populace who do not violate Proverbs 6:16-20 and are simply people going by their own unimposing instincts, is there an overlap with grounds for mortal sinfulness/anathema, a call to educate, or is this a matter of acceptance of them, in which case I do not feel like a Christian surrounded by other Christians and get lost in of myself trying to comprehend that I might be even though I consciously know I am? This train of thought also loomed in my head when I was watching the recent new TV show Shogun, which takes place during the Portuguese Jesuit missions in Japan, with the people there having a reputation for being very in-tune with majority thinking, which I've heard compared with the idea of "following two masters", especially due to things like the bit about the priesthood above, while other people say condemnation of such a core aspect of humans is to be partial among God's many cultures if not also implying it implies the very act of anything resembling judgment is to be seen as under the microscope. In short, where is the burden placed, and what happens in response, considering pious incentive is at stake?
If there is anything that I or scripture has perceived that I have inarguably done wrong to someone, I have apologized, and I've had long conversations about these in detail with priests/ministers/etc. and they seem to be understanding, even if they themselves are under pressure by public perceptions of honor. I go to a number of churches from a number of different groups because that's how the local community is combined with the denominational ambiguity which is just a part of me, so this doesn't just pertain to one group either. It's the populace part that intrigues me enough to consult about though.
Anywho, without actually naming the real/perceived misdeeds (except by demand), coming from a very relatively openly judging society, I have gone to confessions and spoken at length about the things people say they don't like about me. Doctrine would say I only have to do this once, but I often bring the same things up on many occasions because larger society invalidates these (a common recurring theme in my life being that those in charge don't mind me while commoners despise me), and it's well-known they invalidate any major apology I've ever given as well, even if the people I've actually apologized to have actually forgiven me (as in people are judging me based on feeling cheated via a sense of disgust it seems, as the people active in judging me are not any who have truly been affected in any classic sense by me).
There is what would be argued as being a weird recurring phenomenon as well, where I might explain to total strangers situations of mine, and they claim to understand, then the more gossipy among those who judge me (who often even make up things about me if they think other people are waning in their judgment) barely say two exaggerated words about my guilt, and suddenly the person who says they understand become one of the judgers, which demonstrates how utterly powerful the situation is over peoples' very cores. It is as if the words of the latter are taken as superior or that I am of lesser personhood, and if my social environments were one big courtroom, they don't ask me questions or present anything for support, they simply imply the deal is sealed and I am permanently evil.
I'm fully considerate that the people here are not like the people I experience, but elsewhere, I'm often told, even by brothers and sisters in Christ, that my past is the kind of past that, if forgiven by someone, that person's ethical standing is dubious. A priest once even was threatened by a whole mass of having his church abandoned forever based on positive, even neutral things he was going to imply about my past, and I could see in his eyes that his hand was forced to vaguely condemn me, though I was able to pretend he didn't have me in mind as I knew that "wasn't him", though that was at a church I've only ever gone to once due to being detoured by the Vermont floods last year, with many seeming to have hoped I didn't make it out of that (I was on the brink), as well as to imply I shouldn't be considered welcome among the sheep of the lord, which is the mindset that made me reflect on all of this, as we're all thinking "one of us has to go" in different senses of the words.
Jesus says he does not expect we would be successful in being like him, but when the power of populace pressure takes precedent over the purity of his ideal message and causes people to be so absolute, at least among the parts of the populace who do not violate Proverbs 6:16-20 and are simply people going by their own unimposing instincts, is there an overlap with grounds for mortal sinfulness/anathema, a call to educate, or is this a matter of acceptance of them, in which case I do not feel like a Christian surrounded by other Christians and get lost in of myself trying to comprehend that I might be even though I consciously know I am? This train of thought also loomed in my head when I was watching the recent new TV show Shogun, which takes place during the Portuguese Jesuit missions in Japan, with the people there having a reputation for being very in-tune with majority thinking, which I've heard compared with the idea of "following two masters", especially due to things like the bit about the priesthood above, while other people say condemnation of such a core aspect of humans is to be partial among God's many cultures if not also implying it implies the very act of anything resembling judgment is to be seen as under the microscope. In short, where is the burden placed, and what happens in response, considering pious incentive is at stake?
