Homosexuality Struggle

Hi, I'm 18 and studying at uni. I grew up in an agnostic household but became a Christian and devoted my life when I was 15. Since I was 14 though, I have had homosexual feelings towards other guys. I started to touch and later view gay pornography. I tried to ween myself off but it failed, although thankfully touch and view porn less than in the past.

I have always wanted to be with women, but I just can't seem to be attracted to the opposite sex. I also have never been in a relationship, never kissed anyone. I keep praying to the Lord that my sexuality will be answered, but as of yet it is unresolved. I don't have anyone to talk to, as my Christian friends talk about how horrific homosexuality is, yet my non-Christian friends don't understand that I want to put God first. I just really am lost and don't know what to do.

First of all, I am sorry that you have these problems in life. I probably know how you feel, as I struggled with homosexuality and masturbation for about 26 years of my life.

There is hope for you, even if you feel there isn't. What happened with me was, when I finally got around to seeking God with my whole being about five years ago; when I didn't give up on Him; when I wouldn't let go of Him: after a lot of struggling, I was delivered. Today I am 100% free from homosexuality and masturbation.

Give yourself daily to God. If you give yourself to Him, you won't engage in uncleaness and carnality. You may still be tempted, but if you sincerely give yourself to God, you won't give into those temptations. The evil spirit will have to flee and wait for another time to tempt you.

I will pray for you.

Shawn

Hey TomMet! Like Shawn says, you're not the only one who is struggling; I am too.

And what's wrong with struggling? In God's eyes, struggling to reject unrighteousness is a good thing! Homosexual practice is unrighteous, so trying to reject it is good - it is blessed! Remember that Christ died for sinful people, not righteous people.

I too have felt all the emotions - depression, doubt, anger, frustration, bewilderment...everything. In fact I'm really close to a girl whom I'm sure I would like to pursue a relationship with, but the lack of physical attraction does frustrate me a little.

But my story is a long one. I just want to encourage you that it's not the end of the world! In fact, my struggle with homosexuality has perversely made me even closer to God. The greater our weakness, the greater his grace! Struggling with homosexuality opens the door to God's gifts! So don't be disheartened!

TomMet said:

Hi, I'm 18 and studying at uni. I grew up in an agnostic household but became a Christian and devoted my life when I was 15. Since I was 14 though, I have had homosexual feelings towards other guys. I started to touch and later view gay pornography. I tried to ween myself off but it failed, although thankfully touch and view porn less than in the past.

I have always wanted to be with women, but I just can't seem to be attracted to the opposite sex. I also have never been in a relationship, never kissed anyone. I keep praying to the Lord that my sexuality will be answered, but as of yet it is unresolved. I don't have anyone to talk to, as my Christian friends talk about how horrific homosexuality is, yet my non-Christian friends don't understand that I want to put God first. I just really am lost and don't know what to do.

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Hi TomMet and everyone else,

I came to this forum wanting to start a thread about this very issue, but I was surprised to find that there were in fact so many other Christian young men who are struggling with the same issue as myself.

I am currently 23 years old and have had homosexuality tendencies since a very young age. I do not have a desire to engage in a relationship with another man, but I seem to notice them more often than I notice women. My biggest desire is to get married one day and have a family of my own, but this issue is a huge obstacle blocking me from achieving that goal.

Obviously we can't do this in our own strength and we most definitely need God's grace, guidance and interventions in our lives. But since I don't have anyone to talk to about this I was wondering whether there is another young man struggling with the same issue with whom I could communicate, and keep each other accountable.

I covet our prayers.

Cobb

I'm a young adult pastor and open to talk to any of your guys. I am not into condemning but helping people sort through and make a clear path for themselves. You can message me or add me on a messenger program to talk; doesn't matter to me.

I'm also in the same boat as most of you. My real desire (not what has been beaten into me by society) is to get married to a girl and have kids. However, as Cobb87 said, I tend to notice guys more than girls. I do not want to have any "relationship" with a guy, nor to act on these feelings. But they are an obstacle when searching for a female companion. I am thankful I do not have an issue with lusting after women as many guys do, but the lack of physical attraction can hinder things. I'm up for chatting on an IM program if any of you would like. We can better discuss what we've been through, etc. PM me if you would like my usernames.

I have studied homosexuality quite comprehensively and specialised in couselling those who want to come out from homosexuality. For a few years I facilitated a support group for SSA people. I am thinking about starting another one where I now live.

A lot of people are confused between a SSA and homosexuality and choice and born that way. From study and experience in couselling it is very clear that a SSA is not of your making. Acting on it is the same as a OSA person can act on it and not wait until marriage to start having sex.

The SSA attraction is not the problem, the cause of it is. I have identified one that appears more than any other and that is the emotional trauma of rejection and it is a trauma because everyone needs to know acceptance and love and if they don't get it they will actively seek it.

Most of those with a SSA have experienced rejection, actual or perceived, usually from a parent, so that is where the search needs to begin.

Once isolated, the pathway to healing starts with you forgiving the person who rejected you as it releases you and the person concerned. From there you move on to immerse yourself in the love of God and his acceptance of you as his son and heir.

If you want to know more just message me.

We all have feeling like that, but you should resist temptation, you need to make friends with women, and understand women, men feels more comfortable with men, that's why we go to war, hunting groups, we play basketball together, and we spend a lot of time with men. Because we can not quiet understand women. When we love another man doesn't mean you want to go to sleep with him. This is Hollywood idea of love, I love my buddies, and I dont have sex with them. Some of my buddies explored this possibility with me but we realized is not what we want. I think you should work hard in your relationship with guys no sexually tho. And get closer to women. Believe me all relationship with another human being is going to be complicated. Keep yourself in prayer and close to God, read your bible. And believe me don't take the easy way out. Usually this is the worst way...

To the guys that have a homosexual sexual and / or romantic orientation, please do not attempt to date girls unless you are open with them from the beginning. I have seen too many women get involved with what they think is a open, honest Christian man only to find out later (after they have developed strong feelings) that the feelings are not mutual. Please do the right thing and be up front, or don't date.

Openness and honesty with yourself and others is always the way to go. Don't carry this burden alone, talk to someone you trust!.

Well just because you are not sure, doesn't mean you have to be homosexual, males during their formation years are not sure of their sexuality. Probably 70% of guys had some homo thoughts, that doesn't mean they are homosexuals. And just because they have some thoughts about the beauty of another man, that doesn't mean they are homosexual. So I think to tell a girl " hey I have homosexual thoughts" is forcing the poor guy to an homosexual life. When 90% of male in one time or another had some homo thoughts. Unless you have an homosexual life style you shouldn't tell a girl or any other person other than your pastor or therapist about it... That's my opinion. Just to look another guy and think is a handsome fellow doenst make you homo

I like your comment Greenboy about marriage. I have been married for 41 years and I can see why Paul thought staying single was a good idea.

I have read books about marriage and some give the impression that you will waft along on a cloud with a silver lining and all will be peace and light if you do ABC.

With the fact of living in a complex world that we have created for ourselves and the fact that we are all sinners saved by grace, marriage is two imperfect people living under one roof and trying to be...perfect.

When you marry God's choice for you, I sometimes think they are the one because they will knock off those hard edges we seem to take into marriage.

Having said all that, I cannot imagine being married to anyone other than my wife. We have two lovely children (a miracle) and six angelic grandchildren. What have I got to complain about?

As the scriptures says "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but he will deliver us from them all." Homosexuality is an affliction but not permanent. Marriage can be an affliction but not permanent if we are prepared to work on it.

Whether we are married or single, heterosexual or homosexual, we will all be tested to purify us and make us more like Jesus so rejoice in your suffering as it will make us like pure gold in the end.

For that to happen, all the dirt and sludge has to be brought to the surface and we need the refiners fire to achieve that.

Homosexuality needs to brought to the surface with the refiners fire so that we can be cleansed of it and be pure and holy for Him.