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I'm not going to go to be seen of men, to make people feel better about Christianity, to falsely make them believe that this is okay, to increase the reputation of Christianity amongst the homosexual community. Those are all the wrong reasons to go. Instead, I will be seen by God, standing up for what is true and right, by not going to this "wedding".True. We all hear of a parent not attending bc they didn't like the betrothed or family, or cutting off relationship with a child due to religions and culture. Some don't attend when it simply stresses them.
Parents refuse to support weddings financially, friends refuse to help plan... drama surrounds weddings.
But most of us have strong expectations in our heads that everyone will attend without excuse, so that's probably why it seems to never come up. Where cultural codes are strong, expectations don't like to get ruffled.
I would encourage you to look at the broader scope of what is happening in culture, where provocation to divide riles people up beyond their normal reactions. Refusing to go today -- it has different results than refusing to go ten years ago, or fifty years ago. Society is on edge and picking fights these days.
Deciding to be a part of debate takes on its own entity. The statement to oppose is as powerful as the life choice statement, even in relation to what God asks of you.
Your convictions are still the same, and your comfort levels, and right to decide. But how your decision impacts others has changed.
His friends will talk about the offense, feel more alienated, have more reasons to see Christianity as a socio-political competitor instead of a faith that heals and restores.
That would not necessarily be due to anything you have said or done, but from a long-term compilation of thoughts and events they have been through. It is not just about hurting feelings, but reinforcing distorted perceptions about Christianity.
Should you be taking this time to talk with the people in his wedding party, and explain yourself more clearly? Showing you are not trying to hate, but just stand with your personal convictions?
They are excited about the new freedoms to form legal unions, and the bruises are still fresh from trying to achieve this right. They see it differently than you -- not just politically, morally, religiously... but in a sense that they were under-represented and opposed for a long time. And still are.
It is good to stand one's ground on convictions, and to avoid supporting things you don't believe in. But the wedding will happen whether you're there or not, so support is only emotional/familial/friendship, not actual promotion and assistance in making it happen.
You might compare it with Solomon marrying foreign wives. There was a risk they would bring the worship of deities into Israel, right after the temple was built. And in fact they did -- asking Solomon to build temples on the hillsides.
King Solomon did not emotionally support, but he materially and politically made it happen. He provided the funding, probably the contractors, the land, the kingdom approval. He regretted his choice, but he actively implemented it.
Your decision has similar inner turmoil and standards of not wanting to promote something you believe to be detrimental to your brother -- but it differs in that he does not need your approval or material support to go ahead with it.
Notice how standing up for him would make a different statement than just attending. You might graciously decline being in the limelight, but then still quietly attend. You have already made your statement. It's up to you, and there are many implications to weigh in the coming months.
I'm not going to go to be seen of men, to make people feel better about Christianity, to falsely make them believe that this is okay, to increase the reputation of Christianity amongst the homosexual community. Those are all the wrong reasons to go. Instead, I will be seen by God, standing up for what is true and right, by not going to this "wedding".
I've learned that in most cases of homosexuality, there was some form of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction early in life. And believe it or not, this gives me hope that your brother may yet find healing, though when or how it may happen, only God knows. So keep loving him, be the good brother that you've been, but remember that your ultimate allegiance must be to God and only God.
That hasn't been my experience.I have learnt that many Christian organizations seems to come up with inaccurate to distorted information on gay issues, including gays is caused by dysfunctions etc.
Most gays, in fact, do not come from a background of abuse.
Sorry
I am sorry but what do you know? I have been in that lifestyle and still am attracted to the same sex but I can assure you most gay/lesbians I've come across have severe issues. Most not all but most and it all starts on childhood and abuse is a big one.. my cousin is gay with daddy issues two f his ex boyfriends been sexually abused by daddy, the countless colleagues I work with after a few drinks n the eve AFR work it all comes out. There is a huge percentage of gay abuse issues. It is not if God and I know this through my own conviction.
I am sorry but what do you know?
I have been in that lifestyle and still am attracted to the same sex but I can assure you most gay/lesbians I've come across have severe issues.
Which studies?Many studies have been done on these issues, and none of them show that sort of correlation.
Your close to your brother and I don't think your relationship is going to be damaged beyond repair by this.
You expect me to take an article on gay people from "Focus on the Family," a known anti-gay organization, seriously?
Really good answer...and I applaud you for getting back to the reason for the thread, which is to help the inquirer decide how to act in this particular situation.I went back and re read you original post several times so I could understand what your asking. In my opinion I think the best thing to do would be to leave the situation alone right now. Your running into a conflict of feelings and there is rarely a good conclusion when the matter gets pushed. I know he said he would never accept your apology but I wouldn't let that upset you to bad. He's angry. People say things they don't mean when there angry. You are more than entitled to feel how you want to feel and so is your brother. If he doesn't want to hear about Jesus right now then you don't need to talk to him about it. He will come to God in his own time. It can't be forced.
Your great for standing your ground on how you feel. One thing to try to understand is that even though you think what your brother is doing is wrong, he doesn't. This can't turn into a I'm right and your wrong thing or it will get nowhere. Your close to your brother and I don't think your relationship is going to be damaged beyond repair by this. Hopefully he will come to his senses and see that your entitled to your feelings as much as he is his. Good luck and God Bless you!!
Is it your goal to see how many people you can get a rise out of by chiming in on every comment made in this thread?
My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"
That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.
What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.
Ding, ding, ding!
One thing I've learned from years here on CF is that, wherever there is any thread that mentions anything about homosexuality, a select handful of openly homosexual Christians will show up in the thread and randomly begin defending "Christian homosexuality" regardless of whether or not they have ANYTHING to add to the thread's actual OP or not. In other words, they don't show up to address the OP, they show up to promote their own personal agendas.
That hasn't been my experience.
Upon attending a group counseling where most of the women were
abused by their father, i entered only to find that a good 80-90%
of the women were lesbians.
I knew that's what I'd find before leaving the house. I'd even suggested
the same thing to my husband before arriving.
Logic is logic.
Anyway, I am gay, I know what I am talking about
while I don't deny there are gays who also experienced abuse in the past
most gays I know, include myself, came from a perfectly loving family.
Ding, ding, ding!
One thing I've learned from years here on CF is that, wherever there is any thread that mentions anything about homosexuality, a select handful of openly homosexual Christians will show up in the thread and randomly begin defending "Christian homosexuality" regardless of whether or not they have ANYTHING to add to the thread's actual OP or not. In other words, they don't show up to address the OP, they show up to promote their own personal agendas.
I attended more than one group.ever heard term "validity"?
it means ability to generalize a research finding onto the general population.
the most basic criteria to achieve a reasonable validity is through random sampling, by selecting participants using random process from the general population in order to avoid bias in selection.
For example, if you going to get a sense of percentage of population who are recreational drug users, you are not going to select your participants solely from people who are part of the club scene! by doing so, or course you are going a really high percentage of participants who report use of recreational drug! DUH!
Furthermore, the sample size is also crucial to establish validity.
1 group you have attended does not mean that others hundreds or thousands of groups will have that many lesbians in it.
the only way you can establish a pattern is through looking at a large number of groups, and sees if your observations hold true.
Anyway, I am gay, I know what I am talking about
while I don't deny there are gays who also experienced abuse in the past
most gays I know, include myself, came from a perfectly loving family.
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