Hi, I'm old

[4Everloved]

Hi, I'm old. Lol. Most people with eating disorders are young.

I had a lot of problems with ED when I was younger.

After I became a christian, I thought my problems with ED were over. For quite awhile, I didn't have any problems with it.

After a traumatic second marriage that only lasted a few months, I met a man named Jim. I felt that Jim was protecting me from Mike (who I had an Order of Protection against because of physical violence.

One day I asked Jim if he thought I was fat. I was a grown woman at this point, in my early forties. Yet, when he said, "You could lose about '#' pounds," I listened to him gravely, and began steadily losing weight at a fast pace until I had lost well over the '#' pounds and wore a very stylish, tiny size jeans.

Then I got my divorce from Mike. Jim and I married.
Jim yelled at me all the time saying I looked too thin and what did I eat that day. The madder he got the less I ate, and then I started binging.

It's not normal for a woman in her forties to act like this. But I did.

A few months after we married, Jim got sent to Iraq with the National Guard. After he left, I found out I was pregnant with his child. I guess I was sorta happy about this, except I felt I was too old, and I knew I would gain all that weight back....and then some.

Boy, did I gain that weight. Ouch.

Now my child is a toddler, ..but I'm still struggling with ED issues. I have never purged (used laxatives or made myself throw up), but I know I have an unhealthy attachment and obcession with food and lack of food.

Still having problems.

Yesterday as I was discussing a shelter client with another social worker, she said that the client's rape was the trigger for her eating disorder.

I realized at that moment that I was raped when I was twenty years old. It was quite unexpected and violent, but I thought I was over it. I have pushed it to the back of my mind and told myself that I deserved it somehow.

But now I am thinking... Is my ED related to the rape?

Has anyone ever heard anything about this connection between rape and ED?

I realize that not everyone who suffers ED has been raped. I'm just wondering about the connection that could be possible.

Thanks.

Yours in Christ,
Jan (#Everloved)

 

[Soulwings]

Hi Jan and welcome to the ED board! I'm April.

First thing... you're not too old to have an ED (in fact, you are not old at all!). And I have authorization to say this because I've been in treatment with several women who are older than you. Plus, I've seen the stats. The ages for EDs have been documented from six to seventy-six. So there. And as far as your actions "not being normal for a woman of your age" ... once again, it has nothing to do with age. It's not normal, per se, for anyone, of any age. Don't belittle yourself for having problems like this even though you are older than most of the media portrayals of girls/women with EDs.

Secondly, yep, I have heard that any sort of sexual trauma can set off an ED in a girl/woman. I'm not sure if this holds true for everyone, but I'm positive that it has some connexion with control. Since you didn't have control over the rape situation, you feel that you have to control your life in some other way. Most people don't think of this consciously, but it's often a reason. And also, there's the whole factor of feeling defiled. An ED, whether it's got anorexic or bulimic (or binge or bulimarexic) tendencies, could be viewed as a way of "purifying" yourself.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that. :-( I went through minor sexual molestation when I was fourteen, and that kind of is linked to my ED as well, I think.

And I really don't think that significant others get that if they tell us that we need to lose X amount of pounds, we will try and lose it (or else feel really bad if we can't), because their opinions matter so much to us. My fiance has told me that he would think I was sexy/attractive even if I weighed a good amount less (just so you know, we try to avoid weight numbers here as much as possible), as long as I still looked healthy. That really perturbs me, if I let myself think about it ... he doesn't think I'm fat now, but he does believe that my body would look fine even when I push the number lower than I know is healthy. If that makes any sense?

Anyway, I hope you're doing okay today, and I also hope to see you around the boards more!

 

[bumblebee62331]

I know what you mean about the sexual trauma being a trigger for some. I've heard that if someone has had a bad sexual experience, losing weight can be a way of making them disappear, or feel so light that nobody will notice them, or want to have sex with them.

I would suggest you go talk to a therapist about the rape and the eating disorder. You can't fix the eating disorder without getting to the root of the problem - and it sounds like the root of the problem was the rape (or it could be other things). Either way, for your health and the health of your child, I would suggest you see a counsellor or therapist of some sort.

And age is no difference - you are not the first ## year old woman I know with an eating disorder. It's just as awful and annoying as if you were younger.