Hey guys

[dano0488]

I'm new here. first post. I recently proposed to my girlfriend of nearly 3 years and she said yes. I've never been more happy with any other woman and Iwe're getting hitched in summer 2013, not sure about the date just yet. I'm afraid that my past may adversely effect our marriage. Before I met carly, (basically my high school junior year, until my sophomore year in college) I had sex before. I slept with my girlfriend for most of the three years we were together, and I had a few random one night stands with girls after we broke up. Carly's a virgin, I'm afraid it's gonna really hurt our marriage. We are planning on waiting. I also had major problems with internet chat rooms and having sexual conversations with random girls online, and occasionally still slip into that. this kills me because I love carly so much and I don't want to hurt her or our relationship,

 

[A2597]

First off, have you told Carly about your past (in general terms, no details!). She has a right to know it is there, and what has changed in your life since then.

The latter is a bit more troublesome, and needs to stop *now*. By having such conversations you are being unfaithful to Carly. Take whatever steps are necessary to do so. What is more important to you, chatting with random people online, or your soon-to-be wife? Block yourself from those sites. In a years time you'll be able to have those conversations (and actions) with your wife, until then, they need to stop completely.

And yes, far easier said than done. It takes commitment, and a soft heart to succeed. Ultimately, it involves turning your sex life over to God. (Or perhaps, more accuratly, inviting God into that area of your life, and surrendering to His will). God created sex, and He knows where those desires belong. Right now you are selling yourself short, and settling for less than God has planned.

Good luck brother.

 

[BigMomma]

I agree Carly needs to know. Check out the "marriage bed" forum which is a christian forum which specialises in these kind of issues. There are lots of wonderful articles and advice all from a Christian perspective and you can chat with other people in the same situation

 

[dano0488]

I told Carly, the thing is, she broke it off. I told her everything, including the chat rooms. She considered it cheating, broke it off completely, and said we're over

 

[A2597]

I'm sorry to hear that dano.

Is she keeping communication open with you, and would she be willing to see a christian counselor with you? You demonstrated maturity be being open with her, and while I understand her initial reaction, I would hope she would be willing to at least one session with a counselor to see that you are working on this, and are not willing to bring such habits into marriage.

Praying for you.

 

[tisasituation]

That is absolutely NOT cheating if it all happened prior to you meeting her!

 

[A2597]

That is absolutely NOT cheating if it all happened prior to you meeting her!

He said he still occasionally slips up on the chats, which is a form of cheating.
That said, I hope she gives him a chance, after she's had a chance to digest the information.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I think it was good of you to tell her, even if you guys do not get back together. If you had not told her and you two got married and then she found out, she would have resented you. It would have not gone well at all. I do not think you are ready for marriage if you are "still slipping" with the online stuff -- it IS a form of cheating. How can you commit to a life of faithfulness with someone when you have not even been able to be faithful so far? I will pray for you; I know this is a hard time, but I think being honest was the way to go.

 

[InnerPhyre]

Sorry to hear that things went badly here. Use this opportunity to get things under control with regard to the web chatting. Don't use it as an opportunity to fall right back into it. Whatever comes next, if it has already ruined one relationship, continuing to do it will only increase the chances of it ruining another one and that is a pattern that you don't want to fall into.

 

[BigMomma]

That's really good advice from InnerPhyre Really good advice. If I could put in my 2c worth it is always a very good idea to be honest early in the relationship about past sins. I don't mean the first date, but pretty early on.