Here's the situation - 52 Divorced

[rosenherman]

after 25 years, hubby wants a new life.

I've decided that I made a vow to God to be wed until one of us dies, I still wear my rings and won't consider dating.

Has anyone else made this decision?

 

[Inkachu]

You mean, he wants to leave you, or has already left you?

I know many will disagree, but I'm with you on this one. I intend to marry once, for life, that's it. Divorce won't be an option. Of course, you can't stop someone else from divorcing you, but that doesn't mean you have to remarry. I don't think I'd continue wearing my rings or consider myself married if my husband divorced me, but I don't think I'd remarry either, unless God said otherwise.

 

[rosenherman]

You mean, he wants to leave you, or has already left you?

I know many will disagree, but I'm with you on this one. I intend to marry once, for life, that's it. Divorce won't be an option. Of course, you can't stop someone else from divorcing you, but that doesn't mean you have to remarry. I don't think I'd continue wearing my rings or consider myself married if my husband divorced me, but I don't think I'd remarry either, unless God said otherwise.

We separated in May 2007, the divorce was final August of last year.

 

[Inkachu]

I see. Well, my post still stands

 

[eatenbylocusts]

There's nothing wrong with your stance. God can use you in ways that aren't as easy if you're married. If you want to keep potential suitors away or just like your rings, I say wear them.

I had an ex-bf who wanted to argue with me that my mom should remove her wedding and engagement rings after my dad died. He was opinionated in other ways too, but why should anyone care? She wasn't interested in meeting anyone so why should she take off the jewelry she loved that was a reminder of her wonderful husband?

I do not have the gift of celibacy and truly want my kids to have a godly influence in the shape of a father figure before they move out. I meant it when I said my vows, but after 10 years it was clear to me that besides everything else going on in my marriage, my ex-h was a bad influence on my son. Tried for almost 4 years during separation to salvage it before getting the divorce.

My dad died about 7 years ago and my 73 yr old mom recently said something about finding someone if she knew she was going to be living for another 10 years.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi rosenherman.
I'd suppore you in what your doing. I'd only disagree with you if you were saying what you are doing is what all people should do. You have a model you want to live, so go forth and enjoy the life you beleive God wants you to live. If anyone questions it just tell the you are doing what God wants you to do. I'm sure some people will even then be sure that they know more what God wants of you than you yourself do. Clearly, they don't know what they think they know.

I personally would not have any interest in living that way and am thankful that God hasn't asked me to.
dayhiker

 

[rosenherman]

Hi rosenherman.
I'd suppore you in what your doing. I'd only disagree with you if you were saying what you are doing is what all people should do. You have a model you want to live, so go forth and enjoy the life you beleive God wants you to live. If anyone questions it just tell the you are doing what God wants you to do. I'm sure some people will even then be sure that they know more what God wants of you than you yourself do. Clearly, they don't know what they think they know.

I personally would not have any interest in living that way and am thankful that God hasn't asked me to.
dayhiker

Two years ago when all this started I asked God what He wanted me to do. I wanted to just divorce and get it all over with. When I asked God if He wanted me to divorce I felt nothing, I asked God if He wanted me to wait and I got an overwhelming sense of peace. I've been reminded periodically that I am to wait. I was talking to a friend who is divorced and she too is sticking to her vows until death. We'll see what God has me waiting for.

 

[dayhiker]

kool .... I'm sure God will have some things for you to do.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

That's cool. I ended up giving my ring back to him when he left me because the rings came from his parents. Don't know or care what he ever did with it. Probably pawned them for beer money.

I've never felt peace about anything but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. 25 years is a long time. I was only in my 'prison' for 19 months. (yeah, marriage still leaves a bad taste in my mouth) I doubt I'll ever remarry. I doubt I'll ever date again. I sometimes wish I could but I'm not desirable enough. I wish God would take away all my desires though. Sure would make celebacy seem more like the 'gift' it supposedly is...

 

[dayhiker]

Hoosier,
I hear a lot of hurt in your post. I believe that over the next few months I think you will find God will be doing a lot of healing in your heart till you are desireable even in your own eyes.

I think a lot of women who's husbands abuse them in some way have a very good heart. I'm sure you do as well.

dayhiker

 

[jpcedotal]

If you feel God is telling you to just be patient then that's what I would do. Wearing the rings isn't a big deal and if it helps keep the buzzards away, then wear'em proud.

Who knows? God may be getting you ready for the one He has picked out for you this time and He knows you need some serious repair time first.

Good luck gal.

 

[rosenherman]

If you feel God is telling you to just be patient then that's what I would do. Wearing the rings isn't a big deal and if it helps keep the buzzards away, then wear'em proud.

Who knows? God may be getting you ready for the one He has picked out for you this time and He knows you need some serious repair time first.

Good luck gal.

Thanks. It feels kind of neat to know that for once in my sin scared life, I am doing what God wants me to do. His plans will be clear when the time is right.

 

[rosenherman]

That's cool. I ended up giving my ring back to him when he left me because the rings came from his parents. Don't know or care what he ever did with it. Probably pawned them for beer money.

I've never felt peace about anything but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. 25 years is a long time. I was only in my 'prison' for 19 months. (yeah, marriage still leaves a bad taste in my mouth) I doubt I'll ever remarry. I doubt I'll ever date again. I sometimes wish I could but I'm not desirable enough. I wish God would take away all my desires though. Sure would make celebacy seem more like the 'gift' it supposedly is...

You're in God's hands, it's hard to see (I know). Time with God will help, I think. And your desirability is between your ears, looks always go. The you inside will only get better and more desirable. That's one of the few gifts of age.

Wait and see what God has waiting for you.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Hoosier,
I hear a lot of hurt in your post. I believe that over the next few months I think you will find God will be doing a lot of healing in your heart till you are desireable even in your own eyes.

I think a lot of women who's husbands abuse them in some way have a very good heart. I'm sure you do as well.

dayhiker

thanks

why do you say that God will be doing a lot of healing in my heart in the next few months? just curious.... I'm at a crossroads in another area of my life at the moment so I think my focus should be there but sometimes it seems like it would be nice to have a distraction (i.e. someone to go out with) but who am i kidding?


anyway....this is Rose's thread...don't mean to hijack it.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

You're in God's hands, it's hard to see (I know). Time with God will help, I think. And your desirability is between your ears, looks always go. The you inside will only get better and more desirable. That's one of the few gifts of age.

Wait and see what God has waiting for you.

that's sweet. there's a thread by me in the 'for women who struggle' section of the women's discussion board that describes more detail why i say i'm not desirable. some who know me know that i have a good heart but it's not appreciate....its' taken advantage of and abused. sometimes i wish i could just be a big meanie and forget about it all.

 

[rosenherman]

Don't change. Your good heart and a sound mind are all that's left at the end of the day. Looks can change in a flash, so can circumstances. I am trying to take the high road in this situation, and it's hard; but when I lay down at night I feel like if I've stayed true to my own way too soft heart (and some might say way too soft head) I've got nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. I'm hoping that as the rest of the population ages they'll start to see that it truly is what's inside that counts.

There are way too many mean people in the world, selfish, self-centered and cruel and frankly we need more people like you.

I get tired, I get cranky and mean and I always regret when I let that side of me go. Thank You God that it doesn't happen often, but I'll kick myself for it way too long afterwords. I hope you don't do the same thing, but I'm afraid you probably do.

Obviously, I don't have any answers, but please stay true to your sweet self and trust in God that in the end you'll spend eternity with Him and your stay here will be just blip in your memory.