There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
I'll never forget the first time we met....although, I'll keep trying.
I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl."
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
I lost a button hole today. Where am I gonna find another one?
I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot
haha!
