Hi y'all.
I came in search of a survivor type forum, and stumbled onto this place, but I'm really happy about that. My search for faith has mirrored my journey for survivorship also -- somehow they've always been linked. (I can't accept the love of God or forgiveness/grace of Jesus without granting some to myself, and vice versa).
So quick background:
Raised secular Jewish in an unhappy household without a whole lot of religion.
Married a wonderful guy from a fundamentalist Pentecostal background (talk about your opposites attracting!) who was raised going to church 4 times a week and twice on Sundays. Who has a rock solid foundation and faith, but not interested in organized religion because he saw a lot of the ugly side of it.
Four years ago life was particularly hard -- I was trying to climb out of a deep depression; had found my way into therapy a couple years before that; and dealing with a mother in law I loved going through end stage Alzheimer's.
I decided to pursue a long-held desire and wandered into the Methodist church where I'd been attending an Alzheimer's caregivers group. Sat in the back pew and cried my way through the entire service. On the way out the pastor offered his hand and said the typical, "God bless you," and I burst into tears and ran from the building.
But I came back, and kept coming back.
Last June I was baptized and that's a long, long story how I came to be ready. Never felt worthy enough but finally got to the point where I could understand even if I didn't think I was worthy enough, maybe Jesus could love me anyway.
So there's my walk of faith, anyway, although I still have questions and doubts and worries and just a couple weeks ago I was in a bad family situation and I realized after it was over.. I didn't even once think about praying. So I guess I still have a long way to go, because I find it hard to lean into that faith still.
I came in search of a survivor type forum, and stumbled onto this place, but I'm really happy about that. My search for faith has mirrored my journey for survivorship also -- somehow they've always been linked. (I can't accept the love of God or forgiveness/grace of Jesus without granting some to myself, and vice versa).
So quick background:
Raised secular Jewish in an unhappy household without a whole lot of religion.
Married a wonderful guy from a fundamentalist Pentecostal background (talk about your opposites attracting!) who was raised going to church 4 times a week and twice on Sundays. Who has a rock solid foundation and faith, but not interested in organized religion because he saw a lot of the ugly side of it.
Four years ago life was particularly hard -- I was trying to climb out of a deep depression; had found my way into therapy a couple years before that; and dealing with a mother in law I loved going through end stage Alzheimer's.
I decided to pursue a long-held desire and wandered into the Methodist church where I'd been attending an Alzheimer's caregivers group. Sat in the back pew and cried my way through the entire service. On the way out the pastor offered his hand and said the typical, "God bless you," and I burst into tears and ran from the building.
But I came back, and kept coming back.
Last June I was baptized and that's a long, long story how I came to be ready. Never felt worthy enough but finally got to the point where I could understand even if I didn't think I was worthy enough, maybe Jesus could love me anyway.
So there's my walk of faith, anyway, although I still have questions and doubts and worries and just a couple weeks ago I was in a bad family situation and I realized after it was over.. I didn't even once think about praying. So I guess I still have a long way to go, because I find it hard to lean into that faith still.
