Here to hopefully come back to faith

[JuniperCoals]

Hi everyone! I am Juniper (that's not my real name) and I live in Flint, MI, USA. I was raised a Christian and accepted Christ when I was about 4 years old. Though very young, I knew and understood what I was doing. Starting in high school until just a few years ago, I was active in ministry in whatever church I was attending at the time. I worked a lot with children and even led some adult Bible studies and Sunday school classes. I have studied the Bible intensely and read it through several times from Genesis to Revelation and even some of the Apocrypha. Until the age of 41 I believed in God, and Jesus as His Son and the only way by which we can attain eternal life as well as inner peace through His Holy Spirit. Something happened on one evening when I was 41 that caused me to stop believing not just in Christianity but in God and though I've prayed to God for him to let me believe again, I feel longer have the ability to believe any of it. My wife and kids knew nothing about it. My kids still don't. My wife thinks I am just having doubts although I told her the extent of what I was going through. I need to talk through this with someone but also maintain my 'cover.' I am hoping I can read or hear something here which will help me to receive Christ again, in spite of my disbelief. There is no hope anywhere else. I know that but I can't seem to do anything to make myself believe again. Thanks for reading this.

Editing to say that until that evening I had no doubt whatsoever that God was real, that all the tenets of Christianity were the true and only way to reach Him. Doubt crossed my mind only once when I was a child of probably 8 and I asked my mom if she ever doubted that all of this was real and she kind of scolded me and said no she would never and hoped I never would either. So that was the end of it, or so I thought.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hi everyone! I am Juniper (that's not my real name) and I live in Flint, MI, USA. I was raised a Christian and accepted Christ when I was about 4 years old. Though very young, I knew and understood what I was doing. Starting in high school until just a few years ago, I was active in ministry in whatever church I was attending at the time. I worked a lot with children and even led some adult Bible studies and Sunday school classes. I have studied the Bible intensely and read it through several times from Genesis to Revelation and even some of the Apocrypha. Until the age of 41 I believed in God, and Jesus as His Son and the only way by which we can attain eternal life as well as inner peace through His Holy Spirit. Something happened on one evening when I was 41 that caused me to stop believing not just in Christianity but in God and though I've prayed to God for him to let me believe again, I feel longer have the ability to believe any of it. My wife and kids knew nothing about it. My kids still don't. My wife thinks I am just having doubts although I told her the extent of what I was going through. I need to talk through this with someone but also maintain my 'cover.' I am hoping I can read or hear something here which will help me to receive Christ again, in spite of my disbelief. There is no hope anywhere else. I know that but I can't seem to do anything to make myself believe again. Thanks for reading this.

Editing to say that until that evening I had no doubt whatsoever that God was real, that all the tenets of Christianity were the true and only way to reach Him. Doubt crossed my mind only once when I was a child of probably 8 and I asked my mom if she ever doubted that all of this was real and she kind of scolded me and said no she would never and hoped I never would either. So that was the end of it, or so I thought.

Welcome to CF, JuniperCoals! It is tough for many of us to wake up each day and 'feel' like we believe. Fortunately, you'll find a lot of folks here who will offer you different angles on the Christian faith, so I hope you find someone who can adequately discuss your questions.

Best Wishes and Happy Hunting!

2PhiloVoid

 

[kingsdaughter85]

Welcome Juniper . Have a great New Year ❤️

 

[JuniperCoals]

Welcome Juniper . Have a great New Year ❤️

Thanks so much! You too!

 

[JuniperCoals]

Welcome to CF, JuniperCoals! It is tough for many of us to wake up each day and 'feel' like we believe. Fortunately, you'll find a lot of folks here who will offer you different angles on the Christian faith, so I hope you find someone who can adequately discuss your questions.

Best Wishes and Happy Hunting!

2PhiloVoid

Thanks for the encouragement, 2PhiloVoid. Seems like I came to the right place!

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hi everyone! I am Juniper (that's not my real name) and I live in Flint, MI, USA. I was raised a Christian and accepted Christ when I was about 4 years old. Though very young, I knew and understood what I was doing. Starting in high school until just a few years ago, I was active in ministry in whatever church I was attending at the time. I worked a lot with children and even led some adult Bible studies and Sunday school classes. I have studied the Bible intensely and read it through several times from Genesis to Revelation and even some of the Apocrypha. Until the age of 41 I believed in God, and Jesus as His Son and the only way by which we can attain eternal life as well as inner peace through His Holy Spirit. Something happened on one evening when I was 41 that caused me to stop believing not just in Christianity but in God and though I've prayed to God for him to let me believe again, I feel longer have the ability to believe any of it. My wife and kids knew nothing about it. My kids still don't. My wife thinks I am just having doubts although I told her the extent of what I was going through. I need to talk through this with someone but also maintain my 'cover.' I am hoping I can read or hear something here which will help me to receive Christ again, in spite of my disbelief. There is no hope anywhere else. I know that but I can't seem to do anything to make myself believe again. Thanks for reading this.

Editing to say that until that evening I had no doubt whatsoever that God was real, that all the tenets of Christianity were the true and only way to reach Him. Doubt crossed my mind only once when I was a child of probably 8 and I asked my mom if she ever doubted that all of this was real and she kind of scolded me and said no she would never and hoped I never would either. So that was the end of it, or so I thought.

There is a period where we all transition from the faith of a child to the faith of an adult. It's just that some of us do it very early, while some of us do it rather late in life, and some of us don't make the transition at all. I'm guessing, and I might be wrong, so it's just a guess, that your turn came at 41. At that age you likely found many things that didn't sit easy, so it seemed more sensible to walk away.

I sense that maybe you are ready to come back, and yet it isn't as simple as just accepting the things you once believed in the ways you once believed them. And that's OK because there may be some things for you to unlearn and learn anew. I see this alot with Catholics who all of a sudden just 'get it' and become Protestant. And then a few years later they 'get it' again and revert to being Catholic. The difference is that their faith is more grown up at each point. Even if they end up in the same place, believing the same things, their faith is matured, or at least partially matured. Maybe it will work the same with you. Or maybe you will have to move on to some other Christian group if the teachings of those you grew up with were flawed.

God is eager to have you back. You know the story of the prodigal son. His father watched for him to return, ran to him as soon as he saw the son coming back, and feasted mightily to have him back. If you were baptized you have already received Christ. Something remains of that even if you stopped believing. Baptism is an indelible mark on your soul, saying you do belong. It's a matter of allowing that to grow again, and your reaching out here is a step in that. Keep taking steps. None of the steps have to be huge.

 

[Tigger45]

Glad you decided to join us Juniper!

 

[mnorian]

Hi everyone! I am Juniper (that's not my real name) and I live in Flint, MI, USA. I was raised a Christian and accepted Christ when I was about 4 years old. Though very young, I knew and understood what I was doing. Starting in high school until just a few years ago, I was active in ministry in whatever church I was attending at the time. I worked a lot with children and even led some adult Bible studies and Sunday school classes. I have studied the Bible intensely and read it through several times from Genesis to Revelation and even some of the Apocrypha. Until the age of 41 I believed in God, and Jesus as His Son and the only way by which we can attain eternal life as well as inner peace through His Holy Spirit. Something happened on one evening when I was 41 that caused me to stop believing not just in Christianity but in God and though I've prayed to God for him to let me believe again, I feel longer have the ability to believe any of it. My wife and kids knew nothing about it. My kids still don't. My wife thinks I am just having doubts although I told her the extent of what I was going through. I need to talk through this with someone but also maintain my 'cover.' I am hoping I can read or hear something here which will help me to receive Christ again, in spite of my disbelief. There is no hope anywhere else. I know that but I can't seem to do anything to make myself believe again. Thanks for reading this.

Editing to say that until that evening I had no doubt whatsoever that God was real, that all the tenets of Christianity were the true and only way to reach Him. Doubt crossed my mind only once when I was a child of probably 8 and I asked my mom if she ever doubted that all of this was real and she kind of scolded me and said no she would never and hoped I never would either. So that was the end of it, or so I thought.

Hi Juniper;
welcome to CF; May the Lord Jesus guide you here as well as in the world; and may you find friends and what ever you need from the Lord here.

I do have a question for you; do you like music--Praise & Worship music?

I have found; in times of trouble; like we have with this CV-19; that listening to; and singing along to good Christian P&W music; can bring us closer to Jesus and His wonderful peace.

Well we have a new forum here at CF just for P&W music and at the top is a directory of other Christian music threads around CF; come and take a look!

Praise and Worship Music

To The

 

[returntosender]

WELCOME!
So glad you are here and that you are wanting God again.
Lots to learn and experience here. I am sure we will gain from you also!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

[Tone]

Hello brother and welcome to the CF!


I believe that you are going through a period of dormancy.

I encourage you to contemplate the ways of the tree and perhaps you will tap into the stirring!


May Abba Yah Breathe deeply into every aspect of your being with quickening, in Yahshua ha Mashiach, Amen.

 

[paul1149]

I can't seem to do anything to make myself believe again.

Hi Juniper. In my experience, trying to force belief doesn't work. Faith is more than the intellectual component, it is of the heart, and the heart has its reasonings.

Faith also is a gift, so the best way to obtain it is to ask. Simply go to the Lord in the sincerity of your heart and explain your situation as clearly and honestly as you can. You may not get an immediate answer, but keep yourself open to an answer coming. Keep at it (Lk 18.1), but don't make it an intellectual exercise. In due time you will get your answer. The Good Shepherd is very good at finding lost sheep (Lk 15).

 

[JuniperCoals]

There is a period where we all transition from the faith of a child to the faith of an adult. It's just that some of us do it very early, while some of us do it rather late in life, and some of us don't make the transition at all. I'm guessing, and I might be wrong, so it's just a guess, that your turn came at 41. At that age you likely found many things that didn't sit easy, so it seemed more sensible to walk away.

I sense that maybe you are ready to come back, and yet it isn't as simple as just accepting the things you once believed in the ways you once believed them. And that's OK because there may be some things for you to unlearn and learn anew. I see this alot with Catholics who all of a sudden just 'get it' and become Protestant. And then a few years later they 'get it' again and revert to being Catholic. The difference is that their faith is more grown up at each point. Even if they end up in the same place, believing the same things, their faith is matured, or at least partially matured. Maybe it will work the same with you. Or maybe you will have to move on to some other Christian group if the teachings of those you grew up with were flawed.

God is eager to have you back. You know the story of the prodigal son. His father watched for him to return, ran to him as soon as he saw the son coming back, and feasted mightily to have him back. If you were baptized you have already received Christ. Something remains of that even if you stopped believing. Baptism is an indelible mark on your soul, saying you do belong. It's a matter of allowing that to grow again, and your reaching out here is a step in that. Keep taking steps. None of the steps have to be huge.

Thanks so much, Chevy. I think you're exactly right. When I was in college I went through the motions of re-evaluating my faith and kind of questioned some things specific to doctrines of my Baptist upbringings but not the bigger question of "do I believe all of this from the ground up, or not." I think my biggest 'rebellious' thought at the time was something like "Why do we put so much stock in the writing of the Apostle Paul when he was not one of the 12?" but after some rumination and gentle debate with Christian friends (with whom I was surrounded pretty much all the time) I essentially came back around to where I was only in my mind I was satisfied that this was "my faith" now instead of that of my parents.

I dated a Catholic woman in college and for the brief duration of that relationship, I was seriously considering adopting her faith. Later, when I met the woman who would become my wife, I pretty much replaced my faith with hers. Hers was more of a Wesleyan flavor and honestly, I loved her so much that I just wanted to follow her and didn't have any self-generated strong feelings/convictions about doctrinal particulars. Her and I have switched to a different denomination since then after becoming disillusioned with her lifetime denomination. We've been in our current church home since that switch which was 10 years ago or so.

The stimulus that caused me to reject my faith was actually a very silly thing but that was kind of the point. I hope I am not offending anyone with this, but it was the Ken Ham vs Bill Nye debate. There were several points during the evening that shook me because Nye representing conventional science and presenting himself as "the reasonable man" raised many arguments that made total sense to me. These were things I had never given much thought to. He was blowing my mind, honestly. I admired Ham and had been to his Creation Museum and listened to him on the radio, etc. I thought surely Ken will give even more compelling answers but the best he could do was "Well, Bill, there's a book." I wanted to scream, "Yes, but Bill doesn't believe your book! That's all you've got?" My wife and kids were rooting Ham on with "Tell him, Ken!", etc. The last straw was when someone asked him what would ever cause Ham to stop believing what he did about creation vs evolution and Ham said something to the effect of nothing because if God told him 2 + 2 = 5, he would believe it. I felt like I had been a fool all my life, believing what was clearly so ridiculous in the eyes of the average person, once it was all spelled out on a stage like this. I was witnessing blind faith as it must appear from non-believers and it was painfully absurd. I was shattered. That was February 4, 2014 in the evening. I remember that date but not the date I originally accepted Christ. That breaks my heart.

Thanks again for your support. And I want to be clear. Ken Ham just happens to be the one who hosted and promoted this debate, which was a catalyst that made me question everything and then run scared. I think he is sincere in what he espouses and I respect that and don't want to distract from my own issues by blaming him, his organization, or anything of that sort. This is entirely a war going on within myself.

 

[JuniperCoals]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has replied and supported me so far. You are exactly what I hoped i would find. I am still reading and processing your responses. I apologize it took me so long to return here, I was spending time yesterday with my family ringing in the new year with a movie marathon.

 

[JuniperCoals]

Hi Juniper;
welcome to CF; May the Lord Jesus guide you here as well as in the world; and may you find friends and what ever you need from the Lord here.

I do have a question for you; do you like music--Praise & Worship music?

I have found; in times of trouble; like we have with this CV-19; that listening to; and singing along to good Christian P&W music; can bring us closer to Jesus and His wonderful peace.

Well we have a new forum here at CF just for P&W music and at the top is a directory of other Christian music threads around CF; come and take a look!

Praise and Worship Music

To The

Hi Mnorian,
I do! I mostly listen to Baroque, Classical and instrumental music but I do also love P&W music. It does tend to make me feel better at times. Thanks for the link! I will take a look!

 

[JuniperCoals]

Hi Juniper. In my experience, trying to force belief doesn't work. Faith is more than the intellectual component, it is of the heart, and the heart has its reasonings.

Faith also is a gift, so the best way to obtain it is to ask. Simply go to the Lord in the sincerity of your heart and explain your situation as clearly and honestly as you can. You may not get an immediate answer, but keep yourself open to an answer coming. Keep at it (Lk 18.1), but don't make it an intellectual exercise. In due time you will get your answer. The Good Shepherd is very good at finding lost sheep (Lk 15).

Thanks, Paul. I love so much what you've said here. I am going to take it to heart and see what happens.

 

[Steve Husting]

Hi Juniper,

I remember in Romans 10:9 that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. In other words, if you would like your faith restored, you need to use the tool God uses to awaken faith in Him: the Bible. You'll need to put yourself under the hearing of the Word of God, especially teachings of Jesus, for faith in Jesus is what you are really looking for. You are not looking for faith in doctrines, but in Jesus. Jesus makes the difference.

"Faith comes by hearing." Put yourself in the place of hearing God's Word on a regular basis. When we get sound Bible teaching, then the Holy Spirit convicts us and points us to believe in Jesus (John 16:8-9). That is His job! He shows us Christ and our faith awakens. If you read Hebrews 11, you'll find that the people did many things because they saw God. Moses did what he did because he saw him who was invisible.

You are not trying to build up faith; you really are looking to believe Jesus. If you don't read the gospels, how are you going to believe in Jesus? Read devotionals; read the gospels, listen to faithful Bible preachers.

It might help to go back to your first love. What did you love about Jesus? What first won your heart to Him? Jesus tells us to return to our first love (Rev. 2:4-7). Read that passage and see that in verse 7 Jesus has a staggering great reward for those who return. What reward do you have now, apart from Him?

I hope these words give you food for thought, and point you to the only path of faith: Jesus Christ. He is the Author and Finisher of our ... faith.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I dated a Catholic woman in college and for the brief duration of that relationship, I was seriously considering adopting her faith. Later, when I met the woman who would become my wife, I pretty much replaced my faith with hers. Hers was more of a Wesleyan flavor and honestly, I loved her so much that I just wanted to follow her and didn't have any self-generated strong feelings/convictions about doctrinal particulars. Her and I have switched to a different denomination since then after becoming disillusioned with her lifetime denomination. We've been in our current church home since that switch which was 10 years ago or so.

The stimulus that caused me to reject my faith was actually a very silly thing but that was kind of the point. I hope I am not offending anyone with this, but it was the Ken Ham vs Bill Nye debate. There were several points during the evening that shook me because Nye representing conventional science and presenting himself as "the reasonable man" raised many arguments that made total sense to me. These were things I had never given much thought to. He was blowing my mind, honestly. I admired Ham and had been to his Creation Museum and listened to him on the radio, etc. I thought surely Ken will give even more compelling answers but the best he could do was "Well, Bill, there's a book." I wanted to scream, "Yes, but Bill doesn't believe your book! That's all you've got?" My wife and kids were rooting Ham on with "Tell him, Ken!", etc. The last straw was when someone asked him what would ever cause Ham to stop believing what he did about creation vs evolution and Ham said something to the effect of nothing because if God told him 2 + 2 = 5, he would believe it. I felt like I had been a fool all my life, believing what was clearly so ridiculous in the eyes of the average person, once it was all spelled out on a stage like this. I was witnessing blind faith as it must appear from non-believers and it was painfully absurd. I was shattered. That was February 4, 2014 in the evening. I remember that date but not the date I originally accepted Christ. That breaks my heart.

Between Ken Ham and Bill Nye I would have torn my hair if I had to accept either one of them as my guy. My personal opinion is that creationism just isn't credible and trying to force myself to believe it would do damage to either my faith or my rationality. The 2+2=5 thing. Since I know 2+2=4, I'm not going to believe otherwise. And I trust God to not try to tell me 2+2=5. But Ken Ham?

Not all of us Christians are creationists. Some of us allow for Intelligent Design or a variety of other possibilities where faith and science are not opposed. And creationism is a relatively new thing in Christian history, a reaction against the enlightenment. Nobody was a creationist in the sense Ken Ham is back before the enlightenment.

The heavens tell of the glory of God. So does all of creation. But none of it is simple, and putting God in the creationist box means that full and crazy wild creation is truncated and simplified. We are gloriously made, but not so simply as the creationists would want to force you to believe. Explore the pre-enlightenment ways of being a Christian. Ways that can and do respect biology and paleontology and astronomy and geology. Watch out for those who tell you the earth is flat and fossils were sent to confuse the godless. There is good reason for faith today. But not all versions of the faith.

 

[Deade]

Hello Juniper,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

View attachment 292388

 

[JuniperCoals]

Hi Juniper,

I remember in Romans 10:9 that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. In other words, if you would like your faith restored, you need to use the tool God uses to awaken faith in Him: the Bible. You'll need to put yourself under the hearing of the Word of God, especially teachings of Jesus, for faith in Jesus is what you are really looking for. You are not looking for faith in doctrines, but in Jesus. Jesus makes the difference.

"Faith comes by hearing." Put yourself in the place of hearing God's Word on a regular basis. When we get sound Bible teaching, then the Holy Spirit convicts us and points us to believe in Jesus (John 16:8-9). That is His job! He shows us Christ and our faith awakens. If you read Hebrews 11, you'll find that the people did many things because they saw God. Moses did what he did because he saw him who was invisible.

You are not trying to build up faith; you really are looking to believe Jesus. If you don't read the gospels, how are you going to believe in Jesus? Read devotionals; read the gospels, listen to faithful Bible preachers.

It might help to go back to your first love. What did you love about Jesus? What first won your heart to Him? Jesus tells us to return to our first love (Rev. 2:4-7). Read that passage and see that in verse 7 Jesus has a staggering great reward for those who return. What reward do you have now, apart from Him?

I hope these words give you food for thought, and point you to the only path of faith: Jesus Christ. He is the Author and Finisher of our ... faith.

Hi Steve,

Thanks so much for this response! If you don't mind I would really appreciate some names of any Bible teachers that you recommend. I used to be kind of "in the know" about who some of the better teachers and writers were in the Christian world, but I've kind of lost touch with that. I do listen to our church every week but I know that doesn't make me a Christ-follower, just someone who listens to a broadcast (I am staying home from service because of covid) but I do need to add more Godly influences like books, and maybe podcasts. I've read the Bible many times and can quote lots of it but kind of like the Ethiopian, I don't understand what I am reading so great teachers would be appreciated if you have any recommendations or know of a place on this forum where I could find some.

Thanks again!
Juniper

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hi Steve,

Thanks so much for this response! If you don't mind I would really appreciate some names of any Bible teachers that you recommend. I used to be kind of "in the know" about who some of the better teachers and writers were in the Christian world, but I've kind of lost touch with that. I do listen to our church every week but I know that doesn't make me a Christ-follower, just someone who listens to a broadcast (I am staying home from service because of covid) but I do need to add more Godly influences like books, and maybe podcasts. I've read the Bible many times and can quote lots of it but kind of like the Ethiopian, I don't understand what I am reading so great teachers would be appreciated if you have any recommendations or know of a place on this forum where I could find some.

Thanks again!
Juniper

Jeff Cavins. He really understands the historical flow of salvation history. He has a Bible timeline that helped me a lot.