For the past few months I've been seeing this girl and we are currently "pseudo-dating." We met through some friends and clicked right away - late-night talks into the night, hanging out together, enjoying each other's company, etc. It was great. We are both very good with communication and so when we noticed what was happening between us we talked through our feelings - we were both interested in each other, we both saw a lot of potential in the relationship, but we both thought it would be better to hold off on getting into any sort of committed relationship because it is a transitional time (she just graduated from college and moved across the state; I have one semester left).
Since then, our relationship has continued to develop. We've grown very close - mentally, psychologically, physically, emotionally, etc. This past week, I visited her at home (3 hrs away) and we talked a little bit more about our relationship now that she has graduated. She said she is torn because she really wants to be in a relationship with me, but she said she is afraid of the idea of a relationship (she gave everything to her last boyfriend/fiance and he broke her heart and its hard for her to think about giving herself away again after being hurt like that). Basically, her biggest stumbling block in entering a relationship with me is that she is still heartbroken from when her ex broke up with her, manipulated her, and hurt her.
As such, throughout our relationship, I have "invested" more than she has. Because she has been hurt, she is much more guarded. And because I'm fairly new to these sort of relationships, I have been a little more optimistic. I think I'm okay with the amount of investment being incongruous temporarily - becuase if she reaches that point when she is ready for a committed relationship, the amount of investment will even out. But at the same time, I don't think the relationship can be sustained in the long-term if I am always giving more and waiting for her to feel ready for a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is: what should my role be in all of this? What can I do to encourage her to move on (her ex already has a new girlfriend and has moved on; she knows that the thought of getting back together with him would be absolutely insane after what he did to her), but how can I help her get to a place where she is ready to be in a relationship again? I think she is more ready than she realizes - I think she is mentally ready, but she just doesn't "feel" like she can move on. How can I help her feel more confident that she is ready? She just seems so unhappy right now becuase she is torn between her thoughts and feelings and, on some level, I don't think she'll really be able to feel happy until she lets herself move on and experience happiness with someone new (namely, me).
I know some people might say that I should just get out of the relationship altogether, but I care about her too much to just leave. And I've already invested enough that walking away would be almost as painful as going through a fairly serious breakup (even though we don't officially have the title "boyfriend/girlfriend" - we are interact on a level of a couple that has been together for a long time).
If anyone has any thoughts/advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
Since then, our relationship has continued to develop. We've grown very close - mentally, psychologically, physically, emotionally, etc. This past week, I visited her at home (3 hrs away) and we talked a little bit more about our relationship now that she has graduated. She said she is torn because she really wants to be in a relationship with me, but she said she is afraid of the idea of a relationship (she gave everything to her last boyfriend/fiance and he broke her heart and its hard for her to think about giving herself away again after being hurt like that). Basically, her biggest stumbling block in entering a relationship with me is that she is still heartbroken from when her ex broke up with her, manipulated her, and hurt her.
As such, throughout our relationship, I have "invested" more than she has. Because she has been hurt, she is much more guarded. And because I'm fairly new to these sort of relationships, I have been a little more optimistic. I think I'm okay with the amount of investment being incongruous temporarily - becuase if she reaches that point when she is ready for a committed relationship, the amount of investment will even out. But at the same time, I don't think the relationship can be sustained in the long-term if I am always giving more and waiting for her to feel ready for a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is: what should my role be in all of this? What can I do to encourage her to move on (her ex already has a new girlfriend and has moved on; she knows that the thought of getting back together with him would be absolutely insane after what he did to her), but how can I help her get to a place where she is ready to be in a relationship again? I think she is more ready than she realizes - I think she is mentally ready, but she just doesn't "feel" like she can move on. How can I help her feel more confident that she is ready? She just seems so unhappy right now becuase she is torn between her thoughts and feelings and, on some level, I don't think she'll really be able to feel happy until she lets herself move on and experience happiness with someone new (namely, me).
I know some people might say that I should just get out of the relationship altogether, but I care about her too much to just leave. And I've already invested enough that walking away would be almost as painful as going through a fairly serious breakup (even though we don't officially have the title "boyfriend/girlfriend" - we are interact on a level of a couple that has been together for a long time).
If anyone has any thoughts/advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
