- Oct 30, 2018
- 16
- 10
- 26
- Country
- Germany
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Agnostic
- Marital Status
- Single
Hey everyone,
I came to this forum a couple of days ago looking for answers to the religious questions the depression of my friend raised in me, and gladly found them. Now while exploring the forum a little further I noticed that you have a place to explicitly talk about depression as well, so I wanted tell my story and probably someone who has more experiences with depression can explain to me, why my friend acted the way he did …
So, about two months ago he started facing depression again (he has had depressive episodes before, but it’s the first since we became friends).
At first he was just telling me, that he would figure things out for himself and that it has nothing to do with me, but I obviously kept talking to him and texting him even if he wouldn’t respond- just telling him that I am there and that I would never give up on him.
Then about two weeks ago I told him that I love him (because that’s how I feel- and even if that sounds weird: his depression just showed me that I didn’t only love his normal empathic, smart, amazing self, but that I also wouldn’t give up on him when he’s depressed.) It was probably stupid to say that, but I thought he was getting better over the last days and I am just bold and can’t really keep my emotions to myself.
Anyway, he then told me that he has been dating some other girl over the last weeks and that she cheated on him a couple of days before. So obviously I got mad at him- because we have been talking about the possibility of a relationship before, but he always sad that he had to figure things out first and wouldn’t be good enough for me and nonsense like that what I thought was just caused by his depression. He also said that he had always been lying to me about his past relationships, what I kinda knew before and I am not too mad about that, because I feel like he was also lying to himself about them- so that wasn’t actually lying to me and he gradually opened up more and more about how he was hurt in the past, before he feel back into his depression.
So when he told me all of that I was really hurt and sad something like ‘Well, if you lie to me you probably deserve being cheated on by her’. I apologized for that about two minutes later, but he was already totally hurt and I think he still doesn’t understand that I just said this out of a feeling of anger and being hurt in a way I have never been hurt before.
So he then started talking about suicide, and because we are long distance (He is American and I am German), I turned to his mom for support – He is 25 but they are very close and I thought that she might be able to make sure that he is save.
But instead she got super mad at me, and said her son would only face normal everyday problems and all I would have to do to help him would be praying for him. When I responded to that and didn’t just agree on seeing ‘talking about suicide’ as a problem we should just ignore, she told me that I should stay away from her and her family.
Now, they both blocked me on facebook, and although I have other ways to contact them I know that they don’t want me to.
I was wondering if someone here could explain to me why he did what he did and lied to me like that …
Please believe me that that’s not how he normally is, I feel so horrible telling that my friends and family, because they all judge him as a liar (obviously) and maybe they are right. But still, he normally is a loving and caring person. Also one of the most intelligent people I ever talk to, and although I know that I should ‘just’ move on, I don’t know how, because I still love him …
Thank you so much for reading all of this
I came to this forum a couple of days ago looking for answers to the religious questions the depression of my friend raised in me, and gladly found them. Now while exploring the forum a little further I noticed that you have a place to explicitly talk about depression as well, so I wanted tell my story and probably someone who has more experiences with depression can explain to me, why my friend acted the way he did …
So, about two months ago he started facing depression again (he has had depressive episodes before, but it’s the first since we became friends).
At first he was just telling me, that he would figure things out for himself and that it has nothing to do with me, but I obviously kept talking to him and texting him even if he wouldn’t respond- just telling him that I am there and that I would never give up on him.
Then about two weeks ago I told him that I love him (because that’s how I feel- and even if that sounds weird: his depression just showed me that I didn’t only love his normal empathic, smart, amazing self, but that I also wouldn’t give up on him when he’s depressed.) It was probably stupid to say that, but I thought he was getting better over the last days and I am just bold and can’t really keep my emotions to myself.
Anyway, he then told me that he has been dating some other girl over the last weeks and that she cheated on him a couple of days before. So obviously I got mad at him- because we have been talking about the possibility of a relationship before, but he always sad that he had to figure things out first and wouldn’t be good enough for me and nonsense like that what I thought was just caused by his depression. He also said that he had always been lying to me about his past relationships, what I kinda knew before and I am not too mad about that, because I feel like he was also lying to himself about them- so that wasn’t actually lying to me and he gradually opened up more and more about how he was hurt in the past, before he feel back into his depression.
So when he told me all of that I was really hurt and sad something like ‘Well, if you lie to me you probably deserve being cheated on by her’. I apologized for that about two minutes later, but he was already totally hurt and I think he still doesn’t understand that I just said this out of a feeling of anger and being hurt in a way I have never been hurt before.
So he then started talking about suicide, and because we are long distance (He is American and I am German), I turned to his mom for support – He is 25 but they are very close and I thought that she might be able to make sure that he is save.
But instead she got super mad at me, and said her son would only face normal everyday problems and all I would have to do to help him would be praying for him. When I responded to that and didn’t just agree on seeing ‘talking about suicide’ as a problem we should just ignore, she told me that I should stay away from her and her family.
Now, they both blocked me on facebook, and although I have other ways to contact them I know that they don’t want me to.
I was wondering if someone here could explain to me why he did what he did and lied to me like that …
Please believe me that that’s not how he normally is, I feel so horrible telling that my friends and family, because they all judge him as a liar (obviously) and maybe they are right. But still, he normally is a loving and caring person. Also one of the most intelligent people I ever talk to, and although I know that I should ‘just’ move on, I don’t know how, because I still love him …
Thank you so much for reading all of this