I am not sure if any of you remember me. I sort of come and go. I am having a horrible time. I have had an eating disorder for # years now. It started in junior high and has continued on into my college years...through the years it has been worse or better at various times in my life. I thought that things were getting better because I was on a healthy diet and losing weight...though I knew that the control that I desired and restriction was not good...I was still doing it the healthy way. Well last semester I was an RA at my university which was a disaster. i was so miserable that the whole eating disorder thing become really bad. I am not really sure what the purpsoe of my post is. I just needed to vent and bear my heart and soul. Now to make matters worse I am dating a great guy, but I am not sure if I can tell him about all of this. The eating disorder has been better at various times in my life...so maybe it will get better. I know that he deserves to know, but in someways I really would like to keep it my secret. No to mention my mom has no idea that this is occuring again. I am so frustrated. I feel so empty and sad. The things that I used to enjoy now I just try to 'fake" it so people don't really see the difference. I just don't think that I can tell anyone about this. I know that I should, but I just can't. I am not so naive that I do not realize that I will not get better without help, but I am not sure that I can seek out that help. Nor do I feel as though I can tell anyone. I just don't want to deal with all of this anymore.