help with separation

[billyh]

Hi, my name is Billy Harris 24 and my wife Krystal 22 had seperated 5 days ago and its been really tough. She says she just needs some time and peace. We had been fighting a little more than the usual and she says its not healthy for the kids who are Ashton 4 and Ava 2 which i totally agree. But my fear is that shes not going to want me back and im seeing the kids everyday an thats all good, but its hard to be around her and she doesnt want anykind of effection and says that she just dont feel the same way towards me right now. I guess you could say that we havent been doing the best latley but i dont know if this was the best thing for us to do. We have been in eachothers lives for about 8 years and for her to just shut the door just like that is hard to understand after all we been through. i know she is young but we both matured at early ages maybe to early. she says i have been controlling for the past year or so and she is over it. ill i would do is call her when she was out with her friends that i didnt trust her with and she thought that was controlling when she would stay way later than she said she would be. i also have too out my aggression on her when i should have kept it for myself and it caused fights. she sees a theropist bc of her past childhood and i asked her if she would want to seek pastrol counsling with me and she isnt up for it.. what can i do to win her back. she says she dont love me the same but i know the feelings are still there bc they dont just go away after that long. any idea whats going on here. i love my wife more than anything and i dont want to push her away but i want to get her back. she is at home still with kids and im staying with a friend. this is so hard on me. please give advice..thanks

 

[citizenthom]

Friend, I see a lot of hope in your situation compared to a lot of troubled marriages:

1. You are young and you are dealing with your problems sooner rather than later;

2. You are both willing to seek counseling from a Christian source;

3. You are both united around your kids' best interests--which includes their parents' having a harmonious marriage.

I for one an extremely optimistic about your chances for reconciliation and a good future together, and I will be praying for both.

 

[billyh]

thank you i needed to hear that. just not sure that she is 100 percent on trying to make us work. what can i do that will show her that i want us to work out. i dont want to push her away but i want her to realize that im guna fight for her till the end. this woman i cant live without she is my wife and mother of our 2. i know deep down that we are ment to be and that she may have taken this to far. Do i show her alot of attention or give her as much space as possible? please help me im so broken... god bless you

 

[citizenthom]

thank you i needed to hear that. just not sure that she is 100 percent on trying to make us work. what can i do that will show her that i want us to work out.

The best advice is God's advice: "husbands, love your wives and Christ loves the church." Sit down with 1 Corinthians 7 and 13, and ask yourself how God's brand of "love" is best spoken to your wife. Gentleness and kindness are more important in times and strife than ever. Show her that your current strife will not kill your desire to do your marital duties toward her. And pray diligently for your marriage, that your right attitude would melt any hardness in her heart.

 

[billyh]

Our pastor at our church is ironically having a marriage session monday nights for three weeks in a row. i asked her if she would be willing to go to them and see if it could help us. She said she didnt think she would want to go but she would talk about it with me later. She doesnt tell me straight up what she wants to happen with us and that really hurts me bc i really didnt do anything that would lead to a seperation and to not even want to try to seek help with me is confusing. People this is the woman of my dreams and i know its gods will for us to be together and we have 2 kids together. yes we are young but considering we been together for bout 8 years this is hard to sink in. does anyone know why she may be doin this or if she will come back to her senses and know whats right. i dont believe in divorce unless absolutely nessesary. am i not getting something here. why dont she want to be effectionate towards me at all? just less than a week ago we were doin pretty good

 

[manuel75]

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

 

[marksaysay]

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

Exactly. When you look at the bible days and how people were betrothed to one another, compatibility had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage. It was up to them to make the choice to love and learn to deal with the differences they had with one another.

Unconditional love is what you have when you make the choice to love your spouse no matter what. It is a concept that many worldly people don't think is even possible with a spouse. But it is possible. Just think about how God loves us no matter what. How Jesus loves us no matter what. That's why we, as men, are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church, unconditionally.

 

[BlueJay83]

what exactly is the problem?

she wouldn;t kick you out for nothing.. there must be more to it than "arguing in front of the kids is bad.... so you need to leave"

what are you arguing about??

life with kids is hard... don't underestimate thier role in adding to the tensions.
I have 3 kids 3, 5 and 7 ...and i'm only 27 (figure that one out)

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

Wow, this is one of the if not the best quote I've seen on these forums. Mind if I use it?

 

[billyh]

well she says that i have been putting her down and going off every morning for no reason which i may have in stressful times but not to hurt her, i love her. its been three weeks now and i think she is already talkin to someone else,her boss. im not sure how serious it is but they had a short thing for a lil while before. we broke up for couple months like 3 years ago. i want my wife but she told me that she didnt want to be with me and i dont know if i should just give up and move on or what. could i trust her again? please give me some advice. this marriage could have been easily fixed she just quit on my right when we both started seeing a theropist, and didnt even give that a chance. what do i do?

 

[billyh]

well she says that i have been putting her down and going off every morning for no reason which i may have in stressful times but not to hurt her, i love her. its been three weeks now and i think she is already talkin to someone else,her boss. im not sure how serious it is but they had a short thing for a lil while before. we broke up for couple months like 3 years ago. i want my wife but she told me that she didnt want to be with me and i dont know if i should just give up and move on or what. could i trust her again? please give me some advice. this marriage could have been easily fixed she just quit on my right when we both started seeing a theropist, and didnt even give that a chance. what do i do?

 

[mike70]

I'm a little older than you, but I am also separated from my wife of 10 years. I found this article interesting. It doesn't fit your situation exactly but the advice at the bottom is beneficial i think.

marriedandhappy.com/blog/147/intimately-separated-from-wife/