Help with addiction

[childman]

Hello,

Im 38 and have had a problem with porn addiction since I was a teenager. Ive gotten more self control recently but there are still underlying behaviors I cant seem to correct. Because of the excessive porn, I feel a lot of shame and low self esteem. Therefore I don't have a lot of trust in people and don't let them get too close. Because of my shame I started the habit of lying. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. Gradually my lies crept into all areas of my life. I would lie about anything, even things that normally wouldn't matter, ie where I went to lunch, what time I left work etc. I don't connect with women and see them only in lustful eyes for my benefit. I want to change this behavior and others associated with it because I have a godly woman standing by me, but she is losing faith that I will ever change. I want to better my life and rebuild my family. I've talked with counselors and therapists, and they all say its a choice. Well, I guess something inside me is preventing me from making that choice. need help.

 

[Solomons Porch]

There are many threads addressing this issue "as we speak". Go to forums and click recent posts. I posted WHAT YOU DONT KNOW WONT HURT YOU as a sign that it will increase, even on this forum.
(Trying to give up pornography) is an ongoing thread right now, go check it out.
God bless

 

[childman]

Thank you Solomons porch

 

[Solomons Porch]

You are very very welcome I pray you overcome this, there is much joy in freedom !!

 

[lben]

Once you truly repent of your sins and ask God to forgive you and ask Christ to be your savior, the Holy Spirit will move into your heart and he will make the necessary changes whether you want him to or not. What you liked will no longer be of interest to you and he will replace former things with new.

Porn strips sex of the meaning and beauty that God gave it and turns it into something dirty, vile, and disgusting.

 

[Pilgrim]

Hello,

Im 38 and have had a problem with porn addiction since I was a teenager. Ive gotten more self control recently but there are still underlying behaviors I cant seem to correct. Because of the excessive porn, I feel a lot of shame and low self esteem. Therefore I don't have a lot of trust in people and don't let them get too close. Because of my shame I started the habit of lying. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. Gradually my lies crept into all areas of my life. I would lie about anything, even things that normally wouldn't matter, ie where I went to lunch, what time I left work etc. I don't connect with women and see them only in lustful eyes for my benefit. I want to change this behavior and others associated with it because I have a godly woman standing by me, but she is losing faith that I will ever change. I want to better my life and rebuild my family. I've talked with counselors and therapists, and they all say its a choice. Well, I guess something inside me is preventing me from making that choice. need help.

Welcome to the forum and please forgive me if I seem a bit confused over one matter. You have another thread asking for help in connecting to your ex-wife who is leaning toward another man. Is she the 'godly woman' standing by you now whom you mention in this thread? How does this fit in the the narrative of your claim that 'you would lie about anything?'

You are in my prayers. Lord God, send the Holy Spirit to convict this troubled man that he may turn to You God and seek Your ways. Only You Lord know his true heart. Draw him near to You. In the name of Jesus Christ may Your will be done. Amen

 

[Hidden In Him]

Greetings, childman!

We've been discussing this same issue over on another thread for the last day or so; along with those who respond here, you should check that one out as well. You'll probably find it helpful. My initial post is #17. I deal more with the physical side of the problem, and if you are already married then your answers and applications of those teachings might be somewhat different. But marriage is no cure for still ending up with too much time on your hands alone, so everything I'm saying may end up being valuable to you even if you are married.

Btw, since shame is something that especially effects you, though I don't normally recommend this, you might consider what is called "accountability" to someone. But that usually doesn't help most people who aren't self-conscious.

Anyway, here is the thread:
Trying to give up pornography

I would also suggest you give Willie T an ear; maybe send him a message, and ask him to send you some work he has on the subject. That may also be helpful you, too.

Do not despair. I believe He can and will help you,
Your friend and brother,
HiH

 

[childman]

Welcome to the forum and please forgive me if I seem a bit confused over one matter. You have another thread asking for help in connecting to your ex-wife who is leaning toward another man. Is she the 'godly woman' standing by you now whom you mention in this thread? How does this fit in the the narrative of your claim that 'you would lie about anything?'

You are in my prayers. Lord God, send the Holy Spirit to convict this troubled man that he may turn to You God and seek Your ways. Only You Lord know his true heart. Draw him near to You. In the name of Jesus Christ may Your will be done. Amen

Like the bible says...if they hurt you continuously, you are to let them go so they don't take you down. She is godly, but if I'm not providing her with her needs as my wife, emotional, physical, spiritual, and am causing her daily pain, do I have the right to be mad at her actions?..................
also, if anybody asked me information about my life, id keep it secret and lie, even from my wife.

 

[Pilgrim]

Like the bible says...if they hurt you continuously, you are to let them go so they don't take you down. She is godly, but if I'm not providing her with her needs as my wife, emotional, physical, spiritual, and am causing her daily pain, do I have the right to be mad at her actions?..................
also, if anybody asked me information about my life, id keep it secret and lie, even from my wife.

From what you describe, the short answer is no. Have you prayed about this? Have you listened to what God is calling for you to do?

Nehemiah gets upset at the wealthy Israelites' exploitation of the poor. Jesus expressed anger at the Pharisees who exhibited hard hearts at the temple.

God knows our actions and our sins: Jeremiah 16:17 (KJV) - For mine eyes are upon all their ways: they are not hid from my face, neither is their iniquity hid from mine eyes.

God knows our needs: Matthew 6:8 (KJV) - Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

God knows our hearts and minds: 1 Chronicles 28:9 (KJV) - And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the Lord searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.

When we follow Jesus Christ it's appropriate for us to get upset over sin. Evils such as pornography abuse, child sex trafficking, racism, etc., should cause us to be angry and mad.

Finally, if our anger results in restoring people into loving, healing relationships with Jesus, it's righteous anger--and that's acceptable. We have a right to be mad in those instances.