Help, prayer, and advice.

[Bodifer]

For ten years, ever since I was fourteen, I have been experiencing a "problem" of sorts. This has left me in a severe state of depression, to the point where there are days I can honestly do nothing but cry whenever I get a moment alone (which is pretty often with my current job). I never attend my church any more either, due to the nature of my problem. So what is wrong with me?

It's hard to explain exactly, without making it sound like I'm completely insane (perhaps I am, at this point I wouldn't doubt it). You know how you will be reading/talking/thinking about something, but it will cause you to suddenly think of another thing completely? Well, it's like that, except the "other" thing is always derogatory comments about God, Christianity, or religion in general. It's like there's two different "me"'s, the one I wish to be, and try to be, and then the "other me" who is aggressively anti-religious. It doesn't even have to have anything to do with religion. If I'm watching a movie and someone calls something stupid, it starts up. Usually it's about how God can't be real, religion is bad, yadda yadda yadda. This has lead me to do a lot of research on the subject of the Bible and it's accuracy, etc. I'm convinced that the Bible is true, and that Jesus died for my sins but still these unbidden, unwanted "stray thoughts" or what have you come. I know it sounds creepy or nuts, and a lot of my depression comes from wondering if I'm truly saved or a Christian due to this, but I don't think I am insane. It's myself, not a "voice", hence a lot of the depression.

I've had this even before I ran into aggressively anti-religious people in life, so it's not from that. I don't know what causes it, but I simply wish it would quit. I post this tonight because I was hoping to get your prayers for me, as I've prayed about this for a long time and nothing's seemed to help, and for advice about what I should do. I've tried therapy about it before, but all they did was insist that it counted as a "voice" and stick me on medication which didn't help and made me sleepy. The guy I spoke with almost seemed to find it amusing. I'm also very skittish on trying to seek out a therapist again because my family would find out and my father is fighting cancer right now, so I don't want to put more worry on either of my parents. They think that I was "cured" before because it was causing my mom so much worry and sadness I couldn't bear it.

I admit that my joining here was for the purpose of asking/posting about this, because (quite honestly) you guys are strangers, and it's easier to tell this to someone I don't know rather than people I do. I hope I don't offend anyone with that, but that is the truth and I'm trying to be brutally honest here. I hope someone here will understand enough to know what's going enough to point me in the right direction for help, and that your prayers will boyster me as well. I feel so tired from all of this.

Thank you.

 

[Dark-eternal]

I know exactly what you are suffering from, namely Lack of love for others. This maby sounds a little weird but you see when you throw your hatred and agressivity into the air, you are actually tuning in and attracting to for the naked eye invisible demons. These demons are very hungry and very cold, and are always hunting for lust and pleasures. However it is required that you are at the same low level as they are so they can intereact with you. So in order to get you to be more hatefull and agressive, you will be starting to hear voices which are trying to tune you in towards their hellish state. They don't care if this brings you into trouble,they just want your body for a ride. (how they do this is rather complex which i will explain if you like) but for you to cure, you have to be NOT on their level. You have to be above it, in that way they can't reach you because that requires two of one kind. Something that is the same can merge, but something that is different can not. You do this by loving others a lot, meditating and getting rid of of all the hatred that is in your soul. Help others, even small acts of love are enough. Just don't be at their level anymore, and it will gradually go away.

 

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Hi there,

I know I've been through times when I would feel compulsive thoughts rushing through my mind, that were totally against 'my real nature.' Those thoughts seemed to crop out of nowhere, and there were times when there were even 'desires' that supported those thoughts! (This way, it's harder to tell if it's "you" or if it's a "voice" - when you feel a desire, you're more likely to think it's really you - the enemy can work with both thoughts and emotions/feelings/desires) For example, a bad thought against God would come rushing through my mind, and along with it there would sometimes be a desire to speak it out, or even agree with it, yet it would be 100% against the 'real me'!! It's as if there were two 'people,' and one was evil and the other was 'the real me.'

The 'real me' is very passionate about the Lord!! I'm one of those people who loves to shed tears of joy watching an alter call!! The 'evil' personality I mentioned above was NOT me! The enemy can do a wonderful job at disguising himself so that you think 'for sure' that it's 'really you'!! He likes to use not only thoughts, but emotions, circumstances, feelings, among other things, to make that other personality seem like it's 'really you'!

I don't recommend therapy, but rather becoming educated on the Truth in God's Word that will set you free (John 8:32). I've read some books that you NEED to get your hands on! I have read several books while seeking my own freedom, and I found these two books VERY helpful:

The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson
-and-
Free at Last by Larry Huch

Read those books, and it will change the way you see things in a hurry! They have a lot of scriptures, and are very solid Christian books. I can't tell you how much these books have helped me, and you won't know what your missing until you read them!!! I recommended The Bondage Breaker to two people who were shy of reading up on the topic of spiritual bondage, but when they got done, they LOVED it!! Jesus said that it's the Truth that sets you free!! The catch is, you must first KNOW the Truth before it can set you free! (John 8:32)

Well, I hate to cut myself short, but I have to run! Please feel free to ask any questions, or send me a private message!

In Christ,
Bobby

P.S. Get your dad to read "Bodily Healing and The Atonement by Dr. T. J. McCrossan." God wants to heal your father, and this book on healings is AWESOME!!!

 

[TheMainException]

My friend...Satan sounds a lot like ourselves when he puts these thoughts inside our heads...it is not solely you getting these thoughts in your head...satan is putting them there for you to think about.

hey, man, the best way to get something off your chest first is to tell someone you don't know and won't see....ever. so...dear friend of mine....I bid you pray...continue...I know you have before...but continue...faith is hard...it can be painful to keep going...I think that you need to go to church...keep going...and if you want to tell me your "problem" via PM so that I might be of more help to you...I will share it with no one...but church and friends can be a mighty big help in all of life...I really think you should go...and that's why I want to know what your "problem" is...I want to be able to give better advice on what you should do...or at least, what I think you should do...love to you, Lauren