Help please. Non-Denomination Christian dating Seven-Day Adventist

[JRbert91]

Hello,

One year ago I started dating my boyfriend who is a seven-day Adventist Christian. I was raised in a non-denominational church and have attended non-denominational, Baptist and Pentecostal churches in my past. My boyfriend and I both agree on the same fundamentals of the Bible and figured that with time our life would fuse together and we could make our differences work. I do not believe that the Sabbath (Saturday) is any more important than any other day of the week and that it is more important to have a relationship with God every day than to get tied up on a sundown to sunrise period every week. I attended church on Sunday and he goes Saturday. What day we attended church does not matter to him specifically but he does honour no working on Saturday. We disagree on some other matters in the Bible as well. I broke up with him a few months ago because I was scared that this issue was coming between us and that it would just get worse as time continues. My parents think that it is a bad idea if we are divided by our beliefs. I definitely didn't think that it would be this complicated when we first started dating. I was happy and excited that I could share my faith with someone that I developed feelings for. He is my best friend and I am considering getting back together with him but before I do, I really want some advice. I would love to hear if anyone out there has made a relationship like ours work or if it is worth it to make sacrifices to make our relationship work? Neither of us wants to give up our church families or make our entire weekend all about church. We both want to find a solution so that we can grow and develop in our faith. I don't feel like I fit in or agree with the values of the SDA church and he doesn't want to give up on his church and I can't blame him because I don't want to give up mine either. If we were to get married, I would want us to be able to come together in unity and not be divided on what church to go to. He has a son and is already raising him to go to an SDA church. If we get married and have children I wouldn't want to raise my children to be SDA and he is open to having our kids choose what they believe in but exposing them to both our religions. It all seems so complicated and confusing, which is why I broke up with him in the first place. I wanted to feel peace in my heart about this decision but I have been divided about my choice and am scared of making the wrong choice. Advice, please?

 

[rockytopva]

I believe in the seven churches as congregations/ages...

Ephesus - Messianic - Beginning with the Apostle to the Circumcision, Peter
Smyrna - Martyr - Beginning with the Apostle to the Un-Circumcision, Paul
Pergamos - Orthodoxy formed in this time... Pergos is a tower... Needed in the dark ages
Thyatira - Catholicism formed in this time - The spirit of Jezebel is to control and to dominate.
Sardis - Protestantism formed in this time- A sardius is a gem - elegant yet hard and rigid
Philadelphia - Wesleyism formed in this time - To be sanctioned is to acquire it with love.
Laodicea - Charismatic movement formed in this time - Beginning with DL Moody, the first to make money off of ministry.

I believe there are issues with each church. I would pray and let your husband know that you will let the Holy Spirit guide you in your family raising decisions.

 

[Doulosiesou]

I think people of different denominations can get married but it requires more work and sacrifice. I mean more so than marrying within your own church or denomination.

It's even harder for people of different faiths.

 

[rockytopva]

You could go to the SDA church on Saturday and another church on Sunday.

 

[mmksparbud]

Hello,

One year ago I started dating my boyfriend who is a seven-day Adventist Christian. I was raised in a non-denominational church and have attended non-denominational, Baptist and Pentecostal churches in my past. My boyfriend and I both agree on the same fundamentals of the Bible and figured that with time our life would fuse together and we could make our differences work. I do not believe that the Sabbath (Saturday) is any more important than any other day of the week and that it is more important to have a relationship with God every day than to get tied up on a sundown to sunrise period every week. I attended church on Sunday and he goes Saturday. What day we attended church does not matter to him specifically but he does honour no working on Saturday. We disagree on some other matters in the Bible as well. I broke up with him a few months ago because I was scared that this issue was coming between us and that it would just get worse as time continues. My parents think that it is a bad idea if we are divided by our beliefs. I definitely didn't think that it would be this complicated when we first started dating. I was happy and excited that I could share my faith with someone that I developed feelings for. He is my best friend and I am considering getting back together with him but before I do, I really want some advice. I would love to hear if anyone out there has made a relationship like ours work or if it is worth it to make sacrifices to make our relationship work? Neither of us wants to give up our church families or make our entire weekend all about church. We both want to find a solution so that we can grow and develop in our faith. I don't feel like I fit in or agree with the values of the SDA church and he doesn't want to give up on his church and I can't blame him because I don't want to give up mine either. If we were to get married, I would want us to be able to come together in unity and not be divided on what church to go to. He has a son and is already raising him to go to an SDA church. If we get married and have children I wouldn't want to raise my children to be SDA and he is open to having our kids choose what they believe in but exposing them to both our religions. It all seems so complicated and confusing, which is why I broke up with him in the first place. I wanted to feel peace in my heart about this decision but I have been divided about my choice and am scared of making the wrong choice. Advice, please?

Run----fast and do not look back. He would be forced to make compromises and so would you. My husband in not SDA and there were battles about all sorts of things esp tithing. I backed away from discussing it with him and he told me he went to someone at his job for advice---they told him to leave me alone about it or he'd loose me. Never bothered me about it again. He'll end up resenting you for his compromises and you him. There will be an emptiness in you both.
Amo_3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
You'll both be longing for someone you can really share your whole life with, not just parts of it.

 

[Basil the Great]

People make it work when there are differences far greater than what you have presented here. If the only real difference is the day of the week, then I would not be afraid. However, if there are other problems, then take a "go slow" approach and see how it develops.

 

[JRbert91]

You could go to the SDA church on Saturday and another church on Sunday.

We could alternate churches each week but going to church every Sat and Sunday is a lot of church every week. Neither of us wants every weekend to be going to two different churches.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I think people of different denominations can get married but it requires more work and sacrifice. I mean more so than marrying within your own church or denomination.

It's even harder for people of different faiths.

I am a Presbyterian with a Pentecostal background and with a Reformed Puritan theology and I married a wife with a Roman Catholic background. We have been happily married for 26 years now and although we have quite different religious views, we have not let that cause conflict in our marriage.

 

[JRbert91]

Run----fast and do not look back. He would be forced to make compromises and so would you. My husband in not SDA and there were battles about all sorts of things esp tithing. I backed away from discussing it with him and he told me he went to someone at his job for advice---they told him to leave me alone about it or he'd loose me. Never bothered me about it again. He'll end up resenting you for his compromises and you him. There will be an emptiness in you both.
Amo_3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
You'll both be longing for someone you can really share your whole life with, not just parts of it.

Thank you for your advice mmksparbud. I'm afraid of this emptiness. The fact that your husband backed away and stopped battling helped your marriage?

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

We could alternate churches each week but going to church every Sat and Sunday is a lot of church every week. Neither of us wants every weekend to be going to two different churches.

My priority in life is God first, wife and daughter next, employer next, and church last. If the marriage is founded on love between you, then because you both are putting God first and each other next, church attendance will be pretty low down on your priority list. It is when people put loyalty to a church before God and their marriage partner and children that problems develop. My wife does not attend church with me. She is involved in the social side of it but not the spiritual side. She will come to church at Christmas and Easter. I don't see a problem in that because I allow her to have her own space and I don't impose my religious beliefs on her. She believes she is a Christian and I have no reason to doubt that. What can destroy marriages is when churches and the people in it try to drive a wedge between you. Don't let that happen. If they try, give them the bum's rush. They are not putting God first and are not recognising that you got married under God with vows you made before Him. Just because you might have got married in a church it doesn't mean that the church should get in the way between you two and Christ. There is only one mediator between God and man (and wife) and that is the man Jesus Christ.

 

[Soyeong]

Hello,

One year ago I started dating my boyfriend who is a seven-day Adventist Christian. I was raised in a non-denominational church and have attended non-denominational, Baptist and Pentecostal churches in my past. My boyfriend and I both agree on the same fundamentals of the Bible and figured that with time our life would fuse together and we could make our differences work. I do not believe that the Sabbath (Saturday) is any more important than any other day of the week and that it is more important to have a relationship with God every day than to get tied up on a sundown to sunrise period every week. I attended church on Sunday and he goes Saturday. What day we attended church does not matter to him specifically but he does honour no working on Saturday. We disagree on some other matters in the Bible as well. I broke up with him a few months ago because I was scared that this issue was coming between us and that it would just get worse as time continues. My parents think that it is a bad idea if we are divided by our beliefs. I definitely didn't think that it would be this complicated when we first started dating. I was happy and excited that I could share my faith with someone that I developed feelings for. He is my best friend and I am considering getting back together with him but before I do, I really want some advice. I would love to hear if anyone out there has made a relationship like ours work or if it is worth it to make sacrifices to make our relationship work? Neither of us wants to give up our church families or make our entire weekend all about church. We both want to find a solution so that we can grow and develop in our faith. I don't feel like I fit in or agree with the values of the SDA church and he doesn't want to give up on his church and I can't blame him because I don't want to give up mine either. If we were to get married, I would want us to be able to come together in unity and not be divided on what church to go to. He has a son and is already raising him to go to an SDA church. If we get married and have children I wouldn't want to raise my children to be SDA and he is open to having our kids choose what they believe in but exposing them to both our religions. It all seems so complicated and confusing, which is why I broke up with him in the first place. I wanted to feel peace in my heart about this decision but I have been divided about my choice and am scared of making the wrong choice. Advice, please?

Hello,

If the builders of the temple had decided that all God really wanted was a temple, so they were free to build it in whatever way they wanted, and God should be happy with what He gets, then I do not think God would have been pleased with them. In the same way, I do not think that God will be pleased with people deciding that all He really wanted was for us to worship one day a week, so they are are free to worship on whatever day they want, and God should be happy with what He gets. Of course we should have a relationship with God throughout the week, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't also obey God's command to keep the Sabbath. Having faith in God about which day set aside to worship and loving Him in the way that He wants to be loved is part of growing in a relationship with Him based on faith and love.

An important part of a healthy relationship is your ability to handle disagreements because there will no doubt been disagreements about many things other than religion. So it is important to be able to listen to what he believes and why he believes it, to genuinely consider whether what he said has any merit, and then to either be able to agree or to be able to express why you do not accept his reasons for believing what he believes, and then to express what you believe and why you believe something different. I don't think it is reasonable to expect either one of you to change your views without going through that process, but hopefully through that process you will find unity. If not, then I don't see anything wrong with attending both congregations. My parents attended church on Sunday for most of their lives, they had a period of time for about a year when they were attending two congregations on Saturday and Sunday, and now they only attend on Saturday.

 

[mmksparbud]

Thank you for your advice mmksparbud. I'm afraid of this emptiness. The fact that your husband backed away and stopped battling helped your marriage?

Yes, But he kept a slight anger inside him, I could tell by the look on his face. There are more things than the day if the week. It i food, what and how you're going to cook. We cook for our men. Are you willing to have no pork or shellfish, no swordfish (was one of my favorites!) He will eat pork if we went out, but I never buy the unclean meats and I would rather be vegetarian, I was healthier but I have no desire to cook 2 different meals and I just stick to the clean meats. But if I were not SDA, he would be happier eating whatever he wants, (and so would I) though anymore, every time he eats pork, or shellfish he gets sick so it is not an issue anymore. And he does ask for more vegetarian meals now for he has heard non SDA talking about its health benefits. He still does buy liverwurst once in a while, which is pork. It is something that does tempt me though! It is also music, what to do on the Sabbath, what stuff to watch on TV, jewelry, alcohol, even condiments for some SDA--it depends on how strict he is. Some are no vinegar, no caffeine, some even very little for spices. With kids it is not just church--what are they going to do on Sabbath and Sundays? If you want to do something that he doesn't approve of, then what? Argue, argue, argue----or grudgingly give in and be resentful. Both will be happier within your own faiths. Even then, it is difficult enough to make a good marriage work! If God does not come for for you both, it gets worse. Yes, you might be able to make it work---at what cost? Are you both willing to endure that part of you that feels empty, lonely, unfulfilled, only partially happy?? I would say pray about it---but remember. You are praying about something that God has already said it is better to not do. What are you going to pray---Please Lord, help me to go against your will??

 

[Anhelyna]

Welcome to CF JRbert

I think you would be more comfortable posting this request for help and advice here Christian Advice

Christian Advice is a no debate area and you should be able to get the support and advice you need there

 

[Lulav]

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