Hello everybody,
So...this is going to be a mouthful.
On December 14th, I separated with my wife of 5 years (I am 27) and was on my own for a long time. It was an amicable separation and I am now divorced. In March, I met a girl at work. Her name is Sarah and she is 19 years old, turning 20 in December. She had recently gotten out of a relationship with a man named Jared who was my age. I had reached out to her as a friend when I saw her without make up and looking down and asked her to read Matthew 11:28 if she was religious, because it always lifts up my spirits.
She thanked me and we exchanged numbers. We got to know one another and became extraordinarily close. We shared secrets with each other that no one else, to this day, knows. I asked her if she would like to go shooting sometime, just as friends, and maybe dinner. She said sure - in between this time she was asked out by several men at work, denying all of them and we had been up front with each other that we had no desire for a relationship right now. Two weeks later after inviting her to shoot (we simply hadn't had time to get our schedules to coordinate) I invited her, at 2:30 am, to join me at Denny's. That's when I found out she still lived with her parents. She asked permission and her mother gave it to her and we met.
We talked for hours about everything. We often discussed the Lord, and what was supposed to be an hour or two became six hours. I realized that I really cared for this woman, maybe even loved her. I can't explain why I felt so open with her. But she feels the same for me, and we still feel that openness.
So a week goes by and we go shooting. We haven't kissed or even hugged, but the chemistry is there. But neither of us speak about it. We shoot, we share dinner, and I gave her a little gift of appreciation.
Inbetween these events, we text for hours, all day. We talk to eachother more than we talk to anyone else. Workers start suggesting we see each other, that there is something about us that just works. That we make the other happy and that we strengthen ourselves in the Lord. It all seems miraculous.
But I drop her off from shooting before 9. It's not even dark, and her parents freak out. I ask Sarah why, and she says:
"I used to refer to you as my friend Gof, but now I can't do that."
I tell her that I feel the same way, and while her parents are not happy about it, we still talk. We just don't see each other outside of work for sometime, until she talks to her mom.
After a week, her mom first says that as long as I meet them and go to church with them, there's a good chance that we will get to date. That's all we really want is to be able to talk like we have and see each other once a week.
That plan changes the next day and she is forbidden to see me. She's crying and miserable, and doesn't know what to do when I tell her the truth. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
So we agree to be sly and lie, and things are great between us. Her mom still knows we talk, but neither her mother nor father have any idea that we've been on dates. I introduce her to my closest friend, we kiss and it is magic. Every time I kiss her, to this day, I feel remarkably blessed. Like he is right there. I realize that this woman is incredible. She's kind and giving and caring and very involved in her church, something I've never been involved in. I realize that I want her complete happiness, even more than my own. I also realize, as terrifying and perhaps naive as it sounds, that I love her more than I've ever loved anybody. There is complete happiness and trust, we help each other when the other is weak. The only issue is her parents.
So I meet her sister, the younger one (She is one of four, David and Kerstyn are older, Emily is younger, Ages 27, 24 and 18 respectively.) She likes me, except I DO have a potty mouth with jokes. (I won't use bad words if people find them offensive, which Sarah does not, and neither does Emily, really. But she finds it rude. I apologize and Sarah relays afterwards that I meant no offense and I'll remember not to be so uncouth.)
I figured if her parents would just meet me, that we could at least begin some sort of compromise or talks of compromise. They worry, after a month of us seeing each other (It's May by this time) that I am controlling, and that neither of us are ready for any sort of relationship. That I -have- to have a year to heal (which.... it's a very long story I wrote a short memoir about. I had been out of love with my ex-wife for almost a year, but stayed out of a feeling of obligation.)
So -I- reach out to her mother on facebook: Here is my message:
Mrs. L, It's been a couple of months now, and I am contacting you in regards to seeing Sarah. I understand your trepidation. I can really empathize with all of your concerns, and while some of them I cannot help, I think if you met me, we could alleviate most, if not all, of your fears that relate to me. I'd love to meet up with you somewhere for coffee or lunch/dinner or something along those lines. Just one on one so you can get to know me. I understand right now that while you've seen me a couple of times while I'm working, I probably seem like the boogey man. I've spoken with the wisest man I've ever had the pleasure to know – my step father – and asked him for his input. He suggested that we meet. In his words, he said: “When you're a parent, you have this need and unrealistic goal that your kids will never make any mistakes that you made, and you have a constant fear that if you're not right on them, they'll screw up. Ian, you have to take that into consideration, and have to meet them to alleviate those fears. That's their daughter. You can't, right now, show them that you're the best man for their daughter. But you can start by showing them that you're certainly not the worst. Then you can show them you're the best over time.” I beseech you to give me the chance to show you I am not the boogeyman. I hold your daughter in the highest regard, and I feel that hanging around for these past couple months on the sidelines shows that I'm not just a flippant man passing through. I have a genuine interest in having a healthy relationship with your daughter. I am not a “pleasure seeker.” If you asked my parents, they'd confirm that. I didn't just go from girl to girl. I am Christian, and converted on my own accord, with outside assistance of my step-father. I know Him, and I acknowledge that I am just a man, but I am not here to destroy your daughter, or you, or your relationship with her. I know that you are incredibly important to your daughter, and I respect that. I don't want to do anything to harm that and I do not take it lightly. I just want to be able to see her, and I'm willing to meet you so you can see me and talk with me, in the flesh, outside of my work place. We can talk about my goals, my intentions, whatever. I invite you to grill me. I want you to ask me the tough questions! I'm willing to share it all with you. I wholeheartedly believe I could be the best man for you daughter, but all my words can do for now is show you that, indeed, I am not the worst. Only time and my actions can show you that I am more. Let this letter signify my true, intense interest in seeing your daughter – I have no interest in hurting anyone. You, your family, or your daughter. I only want to enrich her life and do the best I can for her, because that's what she deserves. And as her parent, you deserve to know that. I hope you hear back from you soon! Sincerely, Gof.
Her response:
Dear Gof, I woke up to go to the bathroom (here it is 4:21am) & thought today is my birthday & we have plans, & the next week is pretty full & we are trying to get away for a vacation...I'm not sure how much to write, but wanted to respond your message... I read it in the afternoon yesterday, but wanted to talk to Sarah & share it with both she & my husband, before I responded...Rick didn't want me to respond yet, as he is slow to process & wanted time to think & pray...With Rick, that can take some time, so as not to appear uncaring or rude, I thought it best to write just a bit. Rick will likely be the one to respond at a later time... Ian, please know, I know you do not know us. I hear/understand that Sarah has attempted to convey to you what our view is & the reasons behind it. This has nothing to do with us believing you are the "boogeyman" or a "pleasure seeker"...Words we have never said...Nor are our concerns related to " fears that relate to you personally"...Let me say in addition, we are not trying to be disrespectful to your step father, but Sarah is our third child...This is not about "having a need, nor an unrealistic goal that she (nor any of our other kids) will never make any of the mistakes we made (nor their own), nor have we parented out of constant fear or feeling the need to be right on them". But you can't know that, because you don't know us...Perhaps she hasn't shared much about her brother & his journey...I assure you, parenting isn't about fear & has everything to do with faith...We trust the Lord, pray about everything & try to give wise counsel. We also trust our children. They are each amazing people. We do not define them by the mistakes they make...They will make them...We make them...It's inevitable. Please also know, I, personally, am not your arch nemesis...My husband is the head of our home. Perhaps you are not aware that with Sarah's past relationship with Jared, also 26 & at a very different stage of life, Rick had strong opinions against them dating at the particular season that they wanted to, for all the same reasons that have been outlined to you via Sarah...(A 6 year relationship our family had built with a young man that we knew God had asked us to take into our family.) I interfered with Rick's wishes...I essentially goaded him into relenting what he thought wise, because both she & Jared wanted to date so badly...That is something I shall try to never do again... Please know, we are praying. We look forward to meeting you. We have no doubt you are a wonderful man. We thank you for taking your time to send us your heart-felt/carefully worded message. (Let me say again...to someone who is a good friend of my daughter, therefore, someone I care about as well... ya gotta get rid of the cigs...They'll kill you..They killed my dad..They robbed my son of his amazing voice. God has incredible plans for your life, Ian...Let Him number your days; don't lessen that number...He needs you). May God be your hiding place & strong tower. May you rest under the shadow of His wing. May He continue to guide you, Ian; fill you with His joy & peace..May the love He has for you spill out onto everyone around you... Most Sincerely, Mrs. L (and Mr. L)
I respond:
Patty, I understand all of those reasons and don't have any problem with the timing of your response. I appreciate any response, it means a lot to me that you took the time to hear my words and process them before throwing words out at me. I understand that you have never called me the “boogeyman” or a “pleasure seeking.” I do, Sarah has never said you used those words. What I mean to convey by using those words is that (and I can only assume, which is why we are having this dialog, to move past assumptions and towards a goal) the I probably don't look great on paper to date your daughter, at least to you. I don't blame you in the least, nor your husband Rick, for having reservations. I am seven years older, I am recently divorced, I smoke. That's what I meant when I said those words. I hope I didn't offend you by saying that, but I shared those words my step-father Paul said are necessary on the dot, but because it inspired me to contact you. I agree, we all make mistakes. I do know a fair amount about Jared. That is one reason I understand why you (and your husband) have reservations of me seeing Sarah. I'm not Jared, but the only real way for you to find out is for us to get to know each other. I'm not interested in hurting anyone or doing anything that would strain you folks, so I wouldn't ask you to do what you did for Jared, for me. I promise. I appreciate that Rick is the head of the household, but I don't believe you are my nemeses. You're going to do your best to make sure she is safe, and I am going to do my best to assure you that I am safe. I guess the entire point of my first message is that really the first step I'm trying to take is for you to get to know me so some foundation for trust can be made, and some mutual understanding. I respect both you and Rick immensely. I never meant to insinuate I know what it's like to raise children – I definitely don't have experience in that realm. But I do understand that you are going to protect your children – I respect that and admire it. I also know that you've done something right; Sarah is an exceptional, remarkable woman and you're the folks that raised her. I hold you in high esteem for accomplishing that. I haven't any malicious intent. I promise that my interest is only in enhancing your daughter's life by spending time with her. I have never been a church goer – it's a little intimidating to me because I have a relationship with Him, and bringing something unfamiliar into the mix is a little scary, but Sarah had invited me to her church. I have been to church twice – once to a baptist church in Texas, and once to Sacred Heart. I desire to quit smoking – really, I do. I had quit smoking cigarettes and went to an electronic cigarette for over half a year. Then I got my divorce and started back up. It's an old crutch, and I started far, far younger than most smokers. I promise you that soon, the cigs will go away. I just have to really buckle down for it. I actually invested, months ago, in a nice electronic cigarette and then it went and disappeared on me! Happy birthday! I hope it is a great day for you and your family. I dig that this isn't the easiest time...but perhaps after you return from your vacation to Florida, we can meet somewhere! Maybe even go to church, and after the service I could buy you a cup of coffee or something! I do my best to be a beacon for everyone! I know you do the same, being a woman of God. I do my best to do right by him, and fail every day to be exactly as I should be. But I am trying. Best regards, and great sincerity, -Gof
I will post the other responses in an edit if needed, but essentially - her Father then messaged me through his wife's facebook and told me no. Not only no, but to never speak to her ever again. Sarah and I agree that it is probably time for her to move out, and we mark the sixteenth down on the calendar.
In between the facebook messages, Sarah is sexually harassed at work by two gentleman. She puts in her two weeks, not wanting to stir up any ruckus, but I insist she does, as does her boss. I make a call to our HR department, and then she does. While the store manager doesn't want her to quit, she sticks to her guns on the two weeks. After hearing this, I realize that people will assume that she told on the two guys (who were drinking on the job, high on marijuana and said absolutely terrible things to her.) and may haze her. I spread the rumor that I, not she, did the taddling to make her last two weeks pleasant and stressless.
The men are fired, Sarah leaves the store and it becomes much harder to see her.
We still see each other now and then, and then she mentions she is going to Florida. I am terrified, I had been concerned on a couple of occasions that she may have been cheating on me - only because this relationship was so difficult. But I find proof that she is not and take her word for it and realize that I am being paranoid. I tell her nevermind on moving out on a specific date (as it was my idea, I didn't want to wait anymore, and I was selfish in trying to make her move out and confront her parents that soon.) But she did agree that she wants to move out.
On the 25th, after talking with her parents, she has a breakdown. I call it being "drunk on sadness." she says her parents think I am trying to control her, and that I want to make her marry me. That no twenty-seven year old man should want to see a 19 year old girl. (She and I worked at a grocery store. After working menial jobs in my ex-marriage, I had put my life on hold and never received a degree. I am returning to school in the spring.)
They also insist that I am in a different "stage of life' because of my age. I don't entirely understand what that means... but I am a college student and she is a college student. They're worried it'll end badly for the both of us and still insist we cannot see each other. We are still sneaking.
She goes on vacation for two long weeks, and it is terribly impossible, but somehow (with Him) she still loves me and still thinks I am worth it. During that time I am consulting with mentors, my step father, co workers, and so many other people that are in relationships with people (mostly married, and almost all very Christian) 6+ years older/younger than they are. They all think this is fine.
But her church disagrees, and her parents disagree. I advise that she move out, not for my sake, but because of her parents sort of dysfunctional way of handling things. The man, Jared, her ex-boyfriend, had lived with them for years before they fell for each other. Jared had a lot of issues in his life and thus had lived with them. After she and Jared broke up, he revoked his religion and said he wanted to kill himself. Her mother blames Sarah for it and told her right out that it was her fault.
It is the 31st of August, and her mother and father talked to her again. She has been told that I am controlling and she herself worries that God himself is not with us because we've been dishonest about seeing each other.
I realize that lying was wrong, but I insist that if she moved out (she could move into my place, with or without me. I have places to stay. At least until she finds a more permanent residence.) My friends tell me everyone sins, and that just because you make mistakes doesn't mean that God isn't with you.
She wants to move out, but isn't sure if I am the "one" (Despite many times saying so.)
I, personally, am positive. This is the woman of my dreams. I make her so happy, and all I ever want is to make her smile and happy. But I am selfish, and do want to continue having a relationship with her. However, I also don't want to get married anytime soon. But I really think she needs to strike out on her own.
I know this seems like a garbled mess, and there is plenty more to the story - but I thank you if you made it this far and replied.
Please give me prayers for strength! Thank you all!
So...this is going to be a mouthful.
On December 14th, I separated with my wife of 5 years (I am 27) and was on my own for a long time. It was an amicable separation and I am now divorced. In March, I met a girl at work. Her name is Sarah and she is 19 years old, turning 20 in December. She had recently gotten out of a relationship with a man named Jared who was my age. I had reached out to her as a friend when I saw her without make up and looking down and asked her to read Matthew 11:28 if she was religious, because it always lifts up my spirits.
She thanked me and we exchanged numbers. We got to know one another and became extraordinarily close. We shared secrets with each other that no one else, to this day, knows. I asked her if she would like to go shooting sometime, just as friends, and maybe dinner. She said sure - in between this time she was asked out by several men at work, denying all of them and we had been up front with each other that we had no desire for a relationship right now. Two weeks later after inviting her to shoot (we simply hadn't had time to get our schedules to coordinate) I invited her, at 2:30 am, to join me at Denny's. That's when I found out she still lived with her parents. She asked permission and her mother gave it to her and we met.
We talked for hours about everything. We often discussed the Lord, and what was supposed to be an hour or two became six hours. I realized that I really cared for this woman, maybe even loved her. I can't explain why I felt so open with her. But she feels the same for me, and we still feel that openness.
So a week goes by and we go shooting. We haven't kissed or even hugged, but the chemistry is there. But neither of us speak about it. We shoot, we share dinner, and I gave her a little gift of appreciation.
Inbetween these events, we text for hours, all day. We talk to eachother more than we talk to anyone else. Workers start suggesting we see each other, that there is something about us that just works. That we make the other happy and that we strengthen ourselves in the Lord. It all seems miraculous.
But I drop her off from shooting before 9. It's not even dark, and her parents freak out. I ask Sarah why, and she says:
"I used to refer to you as my friend Gof, but now I can't do that."
I tell her that I feel the same way, and while her parents are not happy about it, we still talk. We just don't see each other outside of work for sometime, until she talks to her mom.
After a week, her mom first says that as long as I meet them and go to church with them, there's a good chance that we will get to date. That's all we really want is to be able to talk like we have and see each other once a week.
That plan changes the next day and she is forbidden to see me. She's crying and miserable, and doesn't know what to do when I tell her the truth. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
So we agree to be sly and lie, and things are great between us. Her mom still knows we talk, but neither her mother nor father have any idea that we've been on dates. I introduce her to my closest friend, we kiss and it is magic. Every time I kiss her, to this day, I feel remarkably blessed. Like he is right there. I realize that this woman is incredible. She's kind and giving and caring and very involved in her church, something I've never been involved in. I realize that I want her complete happiness, even more than my own. I also realize, as terrifying and perhaps naive as it sounds, that I love her more than I've ever loved anybody. There is complete happiness and trust, we help each other when the other is weak. The only issue is her parents.
So I meet her sister, the younger one (She is one of four, David and Kerstyn are older, Emily is younger, Ages 27, 24 and 18 respectively.) She likes me, except I DO have a potty mouth with jokes. (I won't use bad words if people find them offensive, which Sarah does not, and neither does Emily, really. But she finds it rude. I apologize and Sarah relays afterwards that I meant no offense and I'll remember not to be so uncouth.)
I figured if her parents would just meet me, that we could at least begin some sort of compromise or talks of compromise. They worry, after a month of us seeing each other (It's May by this time) that I am controlling, and that neither of us are ready for any sort of relationship. That I -have- to have a year to heal (which.... it's a very long story I wrote a short memoir about. I had been out of love with my ex-wife for almost a year, but stayed out of a feeling of obligation.)
So -I- reach out to her mother on facebook: Here is my message:
Mrs. L, It's been a couple of months now, and I am contacting you in regards to seeing Sarah. I understand your trepidation. I can really empathize with all of your concerns, and while some of them I cannot help, I think if you met me, we could alleviate most, if not all, of your fears that relate to me. I'd love to meet up with you somewhere for coffee or lunch/dinner or something along those lines. Just one on one so you can get to know me. I understand right now that while you've seen me a couple of times while I'm working, I probably seem like the boogey man. I've spoken with the wisest man I've ever had the pleasure to know – my step father – and asked him for his input. He suggested that we meet. In his words, he said: “When you're a parent, you have this need and unrealistic goal that your kids will never make any mistakes that you made, and you have a constant fear that if you're not right on them, they'll screw up. Ian, you have to take that into consideration, and have to meet them to alleviate those fears. That's their daughter. You can't, right now, show them that you're the best man for their daughter. But you can start by showing them that you're certainly not the worst. Then you can show them you're the best over time.” I beseech you to give me the chance to show you I am not the boogeyman. I hold your daughter in the highest regard, and I feel that hanging around for these past couple months on the sidelines shows that I'm not just a flippant man passing through. I have a genuine interest in having a healthy relationship with your daughter. I am not a “pleasure seeker.” If you asked my parents, they'd confirm that. I didn't just go from girl to girl. I am Christian, and converted on my own accord, with outside assistance of my step-father. I know Him, and I acknowledge that I am just a man, but I am not here to destroy your daughter, or you, or your relationship with her. I know that you are incredibly important to your daughter, and I respect that. I don't want to do anything to harm that and I do not take it lightly. I just want to be able to see her, and I'm willing to meet you so you can see me and talk with me, in the flesh, outside of my work place. We can talk about my goals, my intentions, whatever. I invite you to grill me. I want you to ask me the tough questions! I'm willing to share it all with you. I wholeheartedly believe I could be the best man for you daughter, but all my words can do for now is show you that, indeed, I am not the worst. Only time and my actions can show you that I am more. Let this letter signify my true, intense interest in seeing your daughter – I have no interest in hurting anyone. You, your family, or your daughter. I only want to enrich her life and do the best I can for her, because that's what she deserves. And as her parent, you deserve to know that. I hope you hear back from you soon! Sincerely, Gof.
Her response:
Dear Gof, I woke up to go to the bathroom (here it is 4:21am) & thought today is my birthday & we have plans, & the next week is pretty full & we are trying to get away for a vacation...I'm not sure how much to write, but wanted to respond your message... I read it in the afternoon yesterday, but wanted to talk to Sarah & share it with both she & my husband, before I responded...Rick didn't want me to respond yet, as he is slow to process & wanted time to think & pray...With Rick, that can take some time, so as not to appear uncaring or rude, I thought it best to write just a bit. Rick will likely be the one to respond at a later time... Ian, please know, I know you do not know us. I hear/understand that Sarah has attempted to convey to you what our view is & the reasons behind it. This has nothing to do with us believing you are the "boogeyman" or a "pleasure seeker"...Words we have never said...Nor are our concerns related to " fears that relate to you personally"...Let me say in addition, we are not trying to be disrespectful to your step father, but Sarah is our third child...This is not about "having a need, nor an unrealistic goal that she (nor any of our other kids) will never make any of the mistakes we made (nor their own), nor have we parented out of constant fear or feeling the need to be right on them". But you can't know that, because you don't know us...Perhaps she hasn't shared much about her brother & his journey...I assure you, parenting isn't about fear & has everything to do with faith...We trust the Lord, pray about everything & try to give wise counsel. We also trust our children. They are each amazing people. We do not define them by the mistakes they make...They will make them...We make them...It's inevitable. Please also know, I, personally, am not your arch nemesis...My husband is the head of our home. Perhaps you are not aware that with Sarah's past relationship with Jared, also 26 & at a very different stage of life, Rick had strong opinions against them dating at the particular season that they wanted to, for all the same reasons that have been outlined to you via Sarah...(A 6 year relationship our family had built with a young man that we knew God had asked us to take into our family.) I interfered with Rick's wishes...I essentially goaded him into relenting what he thought wise, because both she & Jared wanted to date so badly...That is something I shall try to never do again... Please know, we are praying. We look forward to meeting you. We have no doubt you are a wonderful man. We thank you for taking your time to send us your heart-felt/carefully worded message. (Let me say again...to someone who is a good friend of my daughter, therefore, someone I care about as well... ya gotta get rid of the cigs...They'll kill you..They killed my dad..They robbed my son of his amazing voice. God has incredible plans for your life, Ian...Let Him number your days; don't lessen that number...He needs you). May God be your hiding place & strong tower. May you rest under the shadow of His wing. May He continue to guide you, Ian; fill you with His joy & peace..May the love He has for you spill out onto everyone around you... Most Sincerely, Mrs. L (and Mr. L)
I respond:
Patty, I understand all of those reasons and don't have any problem with the timing of your response. I appreciate any response, it means a lot to me that you took the time to hear my words and process them before throwing words out at me. I understand that you have never called me the “boogeyman” or a “pleasure seeking.” I do, Sarah has never said you used those words. What I mean to convey by using those words is that (and I can only assume, which is why we are having this dialog, to move past assumptions and towards a goal) the I probably don't look great on paper to date your daughter, at least to you. I don't blame you in the least, nor your husband Rick, for having reservations. I am seven years older, I am recently divorced, I smoke. That's what I meant when I said those words. I hope I didn't offend you by saying that, but I shared those words my step-father Paul said are necessary on the dot, but because it inspired me to contact you. I agree, we all make mistakes. I do know a fair amount about Jared. That is one reason I understand why you (and your husband) have reservations of me seeing Sarah. I'm not Jared, but the only real way for you to find out is for us to get to know each other. I'm not interested in hurting anyone or doing anything that would strain you folks, so I wouldn't ask you to do what you did for Jared, for me. I promise. I appreciate that Rick is the head of the household, but I don't believe you are my nemeses. You're going to do your best to make sure she is safe, and I am going to do my best to assure you that I am safe. I guess the entire point of my first message is that really the first step I'm trying to take is for you to get to know me so some foundation for trust can be made, and some mutual understanding. I respect both you and Rick immensely. I never meant to insinuate I know what it's like to raise children – I definitely don't have experience in that realm. But I do understand that you are going to protect your children – I respect that and admire it. I also know that you've done something right; Sarah is an exceptional, remarkable woman and you're the folks that raised her. I hold you in high esteem for accomplishing that. I haven't any malicious intent. I promise that my interest is only in enhancing your daughter's life by spending time with her. I have never been a church goer – it's a little intimidating to me because I have a relationship with Him, and bringing something unfamiliar into the mix is a little scary, but Sarah had invited me to her church. I have been to church twice – once to a baptist church in Texas, and once to Sacred Heart. I desire to quit smoking – really, I do. I had quit smoking cigarettes and went to an electronic cigarette for over half a year. Then I got my divorce and started back up. It's an old crutch, and I started far, far younger than most smokers. I promise you that soon, the cigs will go away. I just have to really buckle down for it. I actually invested, months ago, in a nice electronic cigarette and then it went and disappeared on me! Happy birthday! I hope it is a great day for you and your family. I dig that this isn't the easiest time...but perhaps after you return from your vacation to Florida, we can meet somewhere! Maybe even go to church, and after the service I could buy you a cup of coffee or something! I do my best to be a beacon for everyone! I know you do the same, being a woman of God. I do my best to do right by him, and fail every day to be exactly as I should be. But I am trying. Best regards, and great sincerity, -Gof
I will post the other responses in an edit if needed, but essentially - her Father then messaged me through his wife's facebook and told me no. Not only no, but to never speak to her ever again. Sarah and I agree that it is probably time for her to move out, and we mark the sixteenth down on the calendar.
In between the facebook messages, Sarah is sexually harassed at work by two gentleman. She puts in her two weeks, not wanting to stir up any ruckus, but I insist she does, as does her boss. I make a call to our HR department, and then she does. While the store manager doesn't want her to quit, she sticks to her guns on the two weeks. After hearing this, I realize that people will assume that she told on the two guys (who were drinking on the job, high on marijuana and said absolutely terrible things to her.) and may haze her. I spread the rumor that I, not she, did the taddling to make her last two weeks pleasant and stressless.
The men are fired, Sarah leaves the store and it becomes much harder to see her.
We still see each other now and then, and then she mentions she is going to Florida. I am terrified, I had been concerned on a couple of occasions that she may have been cheating on me - only because this relationship was so difficult. But I find proof that she is not and take her word for it and realize that I am being paranoid. I tell her nevermind on moving out on a specific date (as it was my idea, I didn't want to wait anymore, and I was selfish in trying to make her move out and confront her parents that soon.) But she did agree that she wants to move out.
On the 25th, after talking with her parents, she has a breakdown. I call it being "drunk on sadness." she says her parents think I am trying to control her, and that I want to make her marry me. That no twenty-seven year old man should want to see a 19 year old girl. (She and I worked at a grocery store. After working menial jobs in my ex-marriage, I had put my life on hold and never received a degree. I am returning to school in the spring.)
They also insist that I am in a different "stage of life' because of my age. I don't entirely understand what that means... but I am a college student and she is a college student. They're worried it'll end badly for the both of us and still insist we cannot see each other. We are still sneaking.
She goes on vacation for two long weeks, and it is terribly impossible, but somehow (with Him) she still loves me and still thinks I am worth it. During that time I am consulting with mentors, my step father, co workers, and so many other people that are in relationships with people (mostly married, and almost all very Christian) 6+ years older/younger than they are. They all think this is fine.
But her church disagrees, and her parents disagree. I advise that she move out, not for my sake, but because of her parents sort of dysfunctional way of handling things. The man, Jared, her ex-boyfriend, had lived with them for years before they fell for each other. Jared had a lot of issues in his life and thus had lived with them. After she and Jared broke up, he revoked his religion and said he wanted to kill himself. Her mother blames Sarah for it and told her right out that it was her fault.
It is the 31st of August, and her mother and father talked to her again. She has been told that I am controlling and she herself worries that God himself is not with us because we've been dishonest about seeing each other.
I realize that lying was wrong, but I insist that if she moved out (she could move into my place, with or without me. I have places to stay. At least until she finds a more permanent residence.) My friends tell me everyone sins, and that just because you make mistakes doesn't mean that God isn't with you.
She wants to move out, but isn't sure if I am the "one" (Despite many times saying so.)
I, personally, am positive. This is the woman of my dreams. I make her so happy, and all I ever want is to make her smile and happy. But I am selfish, and do want to continue having a relationship with her. However, I also don't want to get married anytime soon. But I really think she needs to strike out on her own.
I know this seems like a garbled mess, and there is plenty more to the story - but I thank you if you made it this far and replied.
Please give me prayers for strength! Thank you all!
