Help. Grieving Loss of Husband of 50 yrs

[Tweety12]

My mother and father were best friends and INSEPARABLE for 50 years and Dad passed a year ago unexpectedly. We are wanting to know if there is anything in the Bible that can speak to her about "what she is supposed to do now". She feels like she has been erased since her literal other half has been ripped from her.

We were comforted by the verses and quotes under comforting bible verses, but wanted to know if anyone on this forum has personal experience with this.

God Bless all of you.

 

[1watchman]

After 50 years of marriage my wife and I are still together, but we know of others close to us who have lost a lifetime companion and love. The ones we know who have been comforted most are those who know God as the lover of their soul. God says He will keep one "...in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee" (Isa. 26:3 -KJV).

Let me share a letter I believe can be a blessing and help.

- 1 Watchman

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EXPRESSING THOUGHTS OVER GRIEF AND LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
Ministry to a new believer with little understanding of the Word of God ​

who needed to find peace.​

Dear_______:

For some time I have thought about writing to you, but hesitated as I felt inadequate to say anything. That is often what happens with people in times of sorrow, but truly our thoughts and prayers are for you.

There are some things one might say in a natural sense, but what we need most of all at a time like this is to consider the love and mind of God. He has given us His precious Word for that, and therein are the eternal issues.

At such a time one feels many things all at once, but God says: "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psa.46:10). He is our Creator and He loves us, and He does all things well and according to His purposes. He never makes a mistake. There is "...a time to be born and a time to die" (Eccl.3:1-2). Job said of his many troubles and loss: "the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord" (Job 1:21). God knows and understands our needs and our sorrow, and He cares, but His perfect plan must unfold.

Thank God the grieving will pass. Certainly one feels heavy in heart, perhaps even devastated, but time will heal the broken heart, though one will always feel the loss. One might say: "It would not have happened if...", but all things are according to God's plan. He is never early or late. We need to see God in everything and say: "Thy will be done" (Matt.26: 42), as did the blessed Lord Jesus, when He suffered and died on the cross for our sins.

We need to know God's love and peace (see Phil.4:7; Prov.23:26). He will keep one in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him (Isa.26:3). How is that? Well, as we begin to see and think God's thoughts He makes us to "lie down in green pastures" (Psa.23; Phil.4:9). The way is open through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ (Rom.5:1-2), if one believes. God says: "But now in Christ Jesus ye who once were afar off are made nigh by the blood of Christ" (Eph.2:13). If one's hope and trust and fellowship is in Him, therein one will find peace.

Read God's Word and rest on His "exceeding great and precious promises", dear one, and be assured of His love (John 3:16). One day we will understand the mysteries more fully. Look up always! - [R. DeWitt]

 

[blackribbon]

My husband of 16 years at the time died 3 years ago. Yes, it does feel like your future has been erased...even simple things like grocery shopping are forever changed. You don't know how many times I looked down in my shopping basket and realized that half the food I was putting in there was because HE liked it and I wasn't sure I even did.

The time after their death is time when you are trying to figure out who you are without them...and this is an emotionally draining journey. A year isn't really that long. I miss my husband every single day even 3 1/2 years later and I am "moving forward" in life.

I am not sure that I would know how to even help her because she is in a different stage of life than I am. I had kids to raise and the sad realization that I could be alone for even longer than I was married. Keeping busy is good. Talk about your dad...we need to talk about them...and if we cry, know that you didn't cause the tears, you just allowed them to come to the surface...they were already there.

As for how to live without them? I am still searching my Bible for answers. I can't find any ... so I just keep looking to God ...

I don't believe that this type of grief goes away...it just changes.

Loneliness ... extreme loneliness seems to be a problem for widows and widowers who now live alone. Help her find ways to interact with people and even help other people so that she feels necessary and needed again.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you and your family.

 

[footballmommy]

I can't even begin to imagine the pain and heartache. I have been married for 14 years and the thought of losing my husband is devastating. Time heals and stay as active as you can. Friends help and just simply remembering and loving him and the life you shared. Time will ease some of the grief. I am so very sorry for your loss!

 

[SMacGregor]

Whether the departure of a loved one is sudden, or has been anticipated over a period of time, we experience a powerful and complex range of emotions of grief – including disbelief, shock, anger, hatred, guilt, loss of faith, fear of the future, loneliness, regret. Going through this is a normal part of the grieving process and is necessary to reconcile ourselves in some way so that we can move on from the experience to become a better, stronger person with a greater sense of purpose in life as a result.

Regards,
Sandy MacGregor

 

[razzelflabben]

If my post steps out of line, I apologize in advance. Our grief is not in the loss of one another, but in the loss of our son, who had been a constant part of my life from the moment he was born, even to the point of home schooling him.

In fact, this struggle with what is next, has recently come up in our lives, which is too long a story to go into. What I have discovered is the truth of what Paul says, when he tells us that to live is Christ and to die is gain. An added complication to our situation is my health...I have severe allergies to the point of near death and related asthma. therefore, every breath is literally work. Time and time again, I ask myself, why even try, why go on, why...our other kids help, but the questions still rises...what is left. The answer Paul found was Christ...Christ is what is left, Christ is the why, Christ is the reason we are the ones still here. For whatever reason, God, in His wisdom, isn't finished with what He wants you (me) to do, that is why we are still here, and that is what is ahead. For a season, our job was the one we are missing. But now, the job is the Christ who gave them to us. The purpose I have found in scripture for what is next, is Christ.

for now, we cling to Christ with all we have, seek His will for what is not yet finished in our time here, and pour ourselves into that task with everything we are.

May your mother find peace, comfort, strength, and purpose for the life that is ahead of her.

 

[jannikitty]

The very best thing you can do for her now is just be there for her. Listen to her. If she knows the bible herself and is a Christian she is either well aware of scriptural comfort or else she can find the verses which can help her. I used to be a counselor and have found that those in grief sometimes think that if you point out scriptures to them you are preaching and trying to get them to snap out of it.

Grieving is a necessary and natural process. Although after all of those years she will never get passed the loss of such a significant relationship completely she surely can heal as her focus goes gradually to the Lord. He sends His Holy Spirit to comfort those so afflicted. "Blessed are those who mourn; for they shall be comforted." And at her age she can surely have the hope of a not too distant encounter with her loved one again. Mainly she needs to have hope. Hope will lift her out of her depression and let her see beyond how she feels now. And hope can grow gradually as the depressed feelings lift; but it takes time to re-focus and continue with life especially after all of those years together. It's hard!

My prayers for her and your strength, healing, and comfort. Also for your wisdom in how you deal with this and interact with her. Obviously she is much loved.

Above all-- Pray for her every day! And, since this is your first post--welcome to Christian forums!