HELP...Feeling desperate! Am I an adulteror?

[devoted daughter]

I asked someone to focus on Christ’s message as a foundation to being a Christian. I focus on Christ’s deep messages of love, compassion, peace, forgiveness, prayer, honoring and serving God. But he, someone whom I care for DEEPLY, came back to me on this it was….

Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Brief History… I was raped. He didn’t want me to talk about it because it hurt HIM too much, so he talked to his mom, but I had no one. We couldn’t handle it together. We’d moved to another state, and I didn’t have any friends there yet. He abandoned me emotionally, totally! I would’ve done anything to work it out, but he was unavailable. I got really sick…depression, panic attacks, post traumatic stess….To add insult to injury, a clergy member from another church said I was raped because I ignored the Spirit since I got a strange “vibe” that something was going to happen, so I made it happen.What a loving Christian sentiment, eh? This was 14 years ago, and I have been happily single since. BTW, 3weeks after I left, another woman moved in with him.
I feel like I have a good, close relationship to our Father, and know Jesus like a brother.
Isn’t adultery cheating? I’ve never cheated, nor will I ever cheat!

What about the idea of looking on a woman with lust being adultery. Isn’t it that one shouldn’t look at a woman in an ugly or disrespectful way? Is it the letter of the law, or the spirit of the law?
Is this really the only grounds for divorce? What if my husband forced me to have sex, abused me, or a myriad of others things, besides just giving up on the marriage because you’re bored or don’t want to work it out, or think the love is gone. I would do anything to work out a marriage before I’d even CONSIDER divorce.
Am I really, dirty, “spoiled”, ugly, and unworthy of a Christian marriage should I choose to marry? Would I be a sinner…would my husband?

PLEASE!!! This has made me feel so rejected, horrible and sick, not by Christ, but by this guy. I feel really judged, and I’m afraid he will use the bible as a weapon to reject me. I’m in a LOT of pain here, so ANY advice, support or prayer would be greatly appreciated!
God bless, and thanks ever so much in advance.
Your sister,
DD
MAYBE I"VE MADE THIS TOO DIFFICULT...ISN't ADULTERY CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE???

 

[tonya]

I am not a wonderful expert in this subject..but i too have been through a divorce..there was no infidelity..but as my best friend said..cheating can mean other things besides sexual..it can be in your heart..financial..etc.. he left me though so i feel that i am forgiven of this and even though it has been 11 years ago. i feel that the lord has forgiven you and no you would not be a sinner..then again we are all sinners saved by grace..,what happenend was not your fault...i love in christ..Tonya

 

[Benedicta00]

The scripture that is being held against you is being taken way out of context and is misinterpreted or is a self interpretation based on the opinion of what someone thinks it means.

Jesus is referring to the sanctity of marriage, marriages that are valid and sacramental, not ones who were never God joined and never entered into with the intent to be under God and sincere.

It does not sound as if yours was a valid godly marriage on the part of your ex…

 

[christian-only]

Maybe I don't understand what you are saying, so let me paraphrase it to see if I've got it right: You were married, and while faithfully married you were raped, and your husband abandoned you emotionally, so you eventually left and lived single, and 3 weeks after you left, your husband was with another woman. If this is what you are saying, then it is your husband that comitted adultery, isn't it?

 

[Daedalus]

Yeah, that's what I also think.
A sin is first commited with your mind, if you were raped it is not your sin.
That's at least what I think.

 

[devoted daughter]

Maybe I don't understand what you are saying, so let me paraphrase it to see if I've got it right: You were married, and while faithfully married you were raped, and your husband abandoned you emotionally, so you eventually left and lived single, and 3 weeks after you left, your husband was with another woman. If this is what you are saying, then it is your husband that comitted adultery, isn't it?

well as part of this story is I left, he was with someone before we divorced, but I don't want to place blame...it has to do with with ..........oh dear, just plain and simple isn't adultery cheating on you spouse. I never cheated, so I'm not an adulteror, RIGHT???!!!!

 

[devoted daughter]

tonya

Shelb5

christian-only

Daedalus

Thank you all for your input, and guidance, and for taking the time to reply to me! You've been so helpful, and supportive!
Your sister in Christ
God bless
DD

 

[nephilimiyr]

devoted daughter we all have committed adultery whether literally through a physical relationship or in our hearts so you don't have to feel like your the only one! A real challenge for you would be to find a person who hasn't committed adultery...good luck!
As for your story, no, you are not an adulteror through being a victom of a rape

 

[daveleau]

So very sad. According to Scripture, your husband has committed adultery. You were completely justified in your divorce, since he cheated. It is also sad about what that clergyman said. I hope you find peace. Remember that God nevr puts you through things that you can not handle. Continue to have Faith and work to grow stronger in Him. You are setting a great example for the rest who have lost faith because of lesser problems.

 

[Benedicta00]

I think the way the scripture is being interpreted is saying that if she is ever married to another that she is committing adultery but as I said, this is very, very complexed and not black and white. The first fact is she probably was never really covenantually married to this person in the first place so the point is moot. If the person she was married to did not really intend to take the vow “for better or for worse” literally or sincerely then he perpetrated a fraud before God. Man can not separate what God joins together… not all marriages just because there is a legal document there is joined by God.

 

[devoted daughter]

thanks to every one here, and for your resopnse daveleau, and once again Shelb5.I feel much better and the words of all my sisters, and brothers on another thread have been helpful and uplifting.Someone presented this scripture innocently, and it hust the first time, but I got the inpression he was judging the second time, and it was like picking at a scab. I also agree that adultery is CHEATING on your spouse. I appreciate the confirmation, and support.

I don't want to focus on this so I won't be back on this thread, and require NO further responses. Thank you again for your time
Love, and God bless
DD