Help - Did I do the right thing?

[InnerPhyre]

Ugh....what a day. As I was driving from work this morning to go to noon mass, I was crossing the bridge that goes over Tampa Bay and came to a stop light. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a white Chevy Lumina coming up behind me - not slowing down. Then SMASH. The woman driving it plows right into me. I struggled to keep my car from hitting anyone else, and managed to do so....then the woman pulls around me and stops at the light. I pull up beside her and roll down my window. She's looking straight ahead. I yell "what the *expletive deleted* was that?!?" (When I get startled, my language has a tendancy to deteriorate...God have mercy). She looks at me and says "Sorry." I tell her to pull over and she says ok. So then the light turns green and she starts driving again. I peel out and get behind her and motion for her to pull over. Finally after about a mile or two, she does. At this point, I'm not longer angry and I've managed to compose myself and I just start telling myself "Jesus wouldn't get out and start screaming." I get out of the car and out she comes crying. I think she may also have been on drugs...though she may have just been distraught. Regardless, she was definitely a drug addict, as she was in her late 20's and looked like she was 40. She says "Please....you can't call this in. I just got out on bond and I don't have insurance. I'll go back to jail." Then she offers me $200 cash and says that's all she has. After looking at my rear fender, its clear this is gonna cost much more than that. I say "look, I'm sorry, but that's not going to cover it." So then I start to write down her license plate number and she starts crying even harder and says "You can't call this in. This isn't my car. You'll get my friend in trouble." Now I'm growing suspicious. She gets back into her car and start going through her purse to get cash out. I walk over to her driver's side window and tell her I'm not taking cash. She starts talking about how she was out buying things for her son and that she'll be going to work tonight and she's a stripper so she makes a ton of money and will pay whatever I want." At this point, I start to feel awful for this woman. Her life is a complete train wreck....just out of jail....single mother with a little son and prostituting herself at a strip club at night. I ask to see her ID and she tells me she doesn't have a driver's license. Just keeps getting better, no? So I see her cell phone sitting on the passenger seat and I tell her to give me her phone number. She does and I call it to make sure it's a real number. Then she tells me her name and address. No idea if those were fake. I tell her to hold on a minute and I start to walk back toward my car and I pick up my cell phone. She immediately assumes I'm calling the cops apparently, and steps on it and drives off.

I honestly feel awful for this woman and my heart is yearning to help her escape this darkness she's put herself into....but I didn't really see anything else to do, so I called the cops. The cop came out and I gave him the whole story....out on bond....no license...not her car...no insurance. I gave him her name, number, and alleged address, as well as the license plate number. He ran the plate and of course, it wasn't her car, but it hadn't been reported stolen or anything. So the cop says he's going to go to the owner's home and see what he can find out from there.

I haven't heard back from the cop yet, but I can't stop thinking about how I might have helped this woman. I don't know how I could have, but she was in such a dark hopeless place....

Now they'll probably catch her and she'll go right back to jail and God knows what will become of her child. I know that I wouldn't have done her any favors by just saying "It's ok....go ahead," as then she would have just gone on and kept on doing what she's been doing....But I feel that I failed as a Christian. If I were rich and could afford to pay for the repairs on my own, I would have told her to forget the money and I wouldn't call the cops as long as she agrees to come to mass every week for two months...something like that....anything to help lift her out of that darkness.

Did I do right or wrong? Any thoughts at all would be appreciated.

Mike

 

[RhetorTheo]

You could have taken down the plate, car description, etc. If you called in the accident to your insurance company, and they can't get the person who did it, you could have gotten uninsured motorist coverage from your own insurance company.

Which isn't to say she shouldn't be taken off the street.

 

[lil~peanut]

Oh, Mike. I really don't think you did a bad thing. You did what you needed too. Plus, if she's that much of a "flake" she probably wouldn't have gone to Mass with you anyway. Everything happens for a reason hun. Good luck

 

[ukok]

Mike, you did what you thought was best at the time. It's hard to say that I would have handled it very differently. Perhaps you could call her, or would that be incorrect proceedure ? Perhaps call her when the dust has settled, and tell her that you felt you had no choice but to call the police, not out of retribution, but necessity for the safety of others who might not be so fortunate as to escape from such an incident unscathed.

Speaking for myself, if anyone did that to me, especially if I had my children in the back of the car, she would be fortunate if i managed to restrain not only my tongue but my actions.


praying for her and for you.

God Bless.

 

[nyj]

You did the right thing by calling the cops. What if you had not been in a car, or if your car had not been there to stop her from crossing into the intersection when traffic was there? She could have killed people. She needs to be punished.

 

[Dream]

Michael, this is an extremely tough situation, but you did the right thing. I understand how you could be upset if this woman were to go to jail, but it would not be your fault if she did. It is completly her fault. If you just completly let it go, this same incidence could happen to another person. And if she is a drug addict, like you suspect, there would be a good chance that letting her go might end up causing another accident, possibly killing somebody.

Also, you really don't know this woman's story. You don't know if she really did have a kid. And if she does, he might be better off without a drug addict mother.

I honestly feel awful for this woman and my heart is yearning to help her escape this darkness she's put herself into

You are helping her, Michael. This is what is best for her, and most likely her child.

Don't beat yourself up. All you can do now is pray that she may ultimately benefit from this situation and hopefully end up straightening out her life.

 

[InnerPhyre]

Thanks, everyone.

 

[Cat59]

But I feel that I failed as a Christian

No you didnt.
The next time she hits something it could result in a someone like a child dying. I admit my work with drug users has probably hardened me to this, but drugs affect the ability to drive a lot and I have had no problem in the past with notifying the licensing authority or even on times the police about people who use and drive. And I've also had to deal with the grown up kids of mothers who used and mucked up their lives as a consequence. Sometimes it's better for children to be looked after by someone who isn't their parent, however hard that may seem. You did the right thing, IMO.
Cat

 

[Alexis OCA]

..... The woman driving it .....

AT that point I knew you were in trouble.

Honestly I would have been freaking out, my blood pressure would have been hitting the stroke zone, and I would have been ready to do some very bad things.

I applaud your effort to to be a caring human being in such a situation. I'm probably not the best person to give advice in this type of situation. I think based on what you wrote that you will do the right thing, whatever you choose.

You are in my prayers.

 

[Miss Shelby]

Yes you did the right thing.

Look at it this way, if she goes to prison someone could witness to her in jail and who knows it might be a chance for her to clean up her life. But she needs to be off the road that is for sure.

Michelle

 

[stray bullet]

Since you asked for all opinions- you did the right thing, although I'm glad you feel so concerned about it.

The issue here is she broke the law and is breaking the law. We shouldn't take sympathy on the person because we ultimately don't know the whole story. The legal system does and we are lucky enough to live somewhere that will take mercy on her, with her whole situation in mind.

I think we should always do as the government and law would have us do, because not doing so can end up making things worse than they are, including for us. The only time you might take exception is if you were in a country that had immoral laws and you were helping her keep from, say, the government killing her child. The courts will know her whole story and will work with her as they see appropriate. If you let her get away with it, you would be disobeying the law and acting as an uninformed judge and jury.

It is a very good and healthy thing that you desired/desire to help her out
The wrong thing to do here would not feel bad for her.

 

[Epiphanygirl]

Aww Dude!
What a day you've had! I think you did the right thing. I'm glad you're okay too!

 

[InnerPhyre]

Thanks again, everyone. Yea it was a bad day. Then to top it off, while I was on the way to class, I came to a stop light and saw a woman 8 or 9 months pregnant standing out in the heat on the side of the highway with a sign that said "Please help. Can't pay to have electricity turned back on." At that point I was pretty much of the mind that the world just sucks.

 

[ZooMom]

IP, you absolutely did the right thing. Of course you feel comapssion and pity for this woman, I do too, but the truth is that you did more to help her by turning her in than by letting her go. Apparently, her previous arrests haven't made an impression on her, but we can pray that something happens this time that will. God bless you.

Peace be with you!

Sandy

 

[BjBarnett]

i think you did the right thing. I mean that woman could seriously hurt someone in a car if she was on drugs. maybe if she stays in jail long enough she will get off drugs. thats a bad way to look at it I guess but I still believe you did the right thing for sure.

 

[Wiffey]

You did the right thing. I've worked in a rehab program for addicts and spent a lot of time in their company. Sometimes it takes a stint in jail to get clean and stay clean. Honestly, right now she is in more danger on the street doing her thing than in prison. Landing herself in jail could be the impetus for her to straighten her life up.

As for the child, parents who are actively using have NO judgment where they drag their kids. I have met parents where the father pimped the mother (for drug money). He'd wait in the car with the 3 kids while she hooked. Every once in a while she'd bring money and he'd drive with the kids to the dealer to buy heroin, then mom and dad would shoot up and nod off in the front seat for a while with the kids dirty and hungry in the back.

You did the child a favor if you ended his mother's run. Most children of heroin addicts are put in dreadful and risky situations on a daily basis. Addiction is a terrible thing. Parents will put the drug over their kid's welfare. When I worked pediatric psych I had a client whose mother pimped him to pedophiles for drug money. He was 6...

 

[Rising_Suns]

At that point I was pretty much of the mind that the world just sucks.

Hi Mike,
I'm sorry to hear you had a tough day. Perhaps there was a prupose for it; to help build you up in some way. I know how good of a soul you have, and you truly care for the salvation of others, more so than most I know.

I think it is also important to give up control over what you cannot control. There will always be people who are blinded in their ways and make irrational choices. That's just the way human nature is, and the only way they will possibly wake up and see truth is a path that they will have to take with God. We can certainly do our parts to help, but we must always recognize the point at which our efforts can no longer be effective, so we can channel them elsewhere.

I truly hope you feel better Mike. Not many people would have been as rationale as you were in that situation. I think most would either have flown off the handle, or buckled under the tears of emotion.

May the Lord give you His peace!

-Davide

 

[Wolseley]

If this woman is a stripper and a drug addict, who drives around without a license, then she's not even in control of her own life; God alone only knows how well she's taking care of her child. I shudder to think of the type of environment that child is growing up in.

You think you failed as a Christian?

Did it ever occur to you that perhaps God is using you as the instrument to get this woman's child into a safe, drug-free, stable environment, and this woman into a nice safe jail where she might possibly be able to get her life squared away---not to mention getting her off the streets before she hurts somebody else?

Perhaps you were God's chosen instrument for getting this whole thing where He wants it to be, all because He persuaded you to call the police.

Think about it.

 

[InnerPhyre]

You guys are the best. I'm feeling better about the whole situation. Wiffey, RS, and wolsely, as always, your wisdom humbles me.

 

[Ave Maria]

Aww Mike, I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I am far from being the correct one to have a good opinion about this but I believe you did the right thing. For one thing, you obeyed the law. For another, I think God would be proud of you. You don't know the whole situation and neither does I or anyone but the police, judge, jury, etc... Don't worry, you did the right thing... at least in my eyes anyway!