hey, here is how I talked my husband into letting me be a stay at home mom: First, I sat down and figured out how much I was spending at daycare, gas to and from work, and other expenses that went along with work such as lunches, doctor's appointments (kids get sick a lot more in daycare) ect. Then I subtracted that by how much I was taking home each month. It's wild but when you look at it, after all those work-related expenses it seems like your just paying for daycare. With what was left over, I looked at some of our frivolous expenses like renting videos or fast food. I was able to present a clear plan of how we could make it work by cutting some of those things out. It's amazing how much money we actually waste every month. Try that; he may be just having the typical tunnel-vision husband thing, and when you actually present a clear plan on how it can work it might sway him. BUT...
Here is what I found about being a stay at home mom, so be careful what you wish for:
1) No matter how supportive your husband is, there will always be that silent phrase hanging over you "I'm the one who makes the money..." It's amazing how powerful that little check can be each week. Even though being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world, there is still the loss of some power. If your willing to give that up, it's great though.
2) You won't be quitting work, you'll just be changing jobs. You'll be leaving one job for another, but the job you will be going into is a thankless, 24/7, on call all the time day and night, no sick pay, no vacation one. If you can handle that, and can be okay with getting paid in hugs instead of dollars, it's worth it. I've found that being a full-time mom is the hardest job I've ever had. It was so much easier when I worked outside the home, because at the end of the day, I could clock out and not have to think about it again until the next day. With being a stay at home mom, there is no "end of the day" there's no clocking out, I am always on duty.
If a vacation is all you need, (and it sounds like you need one!!!) Then you might want to think about taking a week off to re-coop and give it a trial run. If it's not the roses and sunshine you had thought it was going to be you can always go back. See if just for one week you could take a vacation and keep the kids in daycare. The most important thing you can do for your child is to give him a mother who 'se on top of her game. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're doing your son a disservice. I had to actually make an appointment with myself every day (in pen-not pencil) and stick to it. At least 30 minutes a day. During that time, I might sit and prune in a bubble bath or read a book and drink a cup of tea, or just stare into the abyss. Whatever I want, it's MY time. I found that even that little bit of time made me a more patient mom and wife. There is so much pressure on women today to be the "super-mom", you know, work all day, come home (hair and make-up still perfect) and hum to ourselves as we cook dinner, take care of the kids and keep the house spotless. That's not realistic, that's a taster's choice commercial. And we have bought into it hook,line and sinker. Don't try to be super-mom. Just be happy-mom.
As to your other concern, I also have a 3 yr old (and a 1 yr old boy) and I know how frustrating it can be. But the plain truth is, that getting into trouble is their job. It's in their contract. I have to keep all the doors to the bathrooms and bedrooms closed off when they are awake, and I keep a baby monitor in every room so I am literally "everywhere". I know if things are quiet, there's trouble a-brewing. We have a sunroom off the living room, and that is their playroom so I can keep an eye on them. It's the space they have to be messy. I'll tell ya, my house isn't the cleanest (toys are everywhere) but I have to remind myself of the parent's creed:
God grant me the serenity to accept the messes I can't clean up
Courage not to go nuts when the toliet overflows from a trapped army man
and the wisdom to know when an early bedtime is necessary.
Also, think of like this, when they are teenagers, you can bring it up later when you want them to do things "It cost us ___ thousand dollars to fix the bathroom you destroyed when you were three, the least you could do is go to the store and..."