Trigger Warning Held captive and sodomized

[NewbieinChrist]

It's been 8 years since I was in this traumatic situation, but the pain is as real as if it was yesturday. I was homeless at the time and he used that against me. Every night, I would cringe at just the sound of the doorknob turning because I knew it was him coming in to have his way with me. It was horrific that he would force his huge self into my tiny self. I cried and cried, but it didn't matter to him. This went on for 8 months, until he fled to Mexico, and I escaped. Because of this, I don't think I will ever be comfortable enough to be intimate ever again. I feel ripped apart. And, this isn't the only sexual abuse I've encountered. My own mother, who is gay, stripped herself of her clothing and got into the bed where I was resting ( not asleep yet) and she proceeded to master bath right in front of me....I was 11 years old!!!!! Plus, she took me to a gay bar and allowed her friends to hit on me....gross!!!!
I will never be able to fully give myself to any man. I feel like damaged goods. Who's going to want me now??? I might as well get used to the idea of remaining single.

 

[LaSorcia]

I am so sorry these traumas happened to you!
YOU are not damaged goods, the people who abused you are!
Have you ever heard of Joyce Meyer? She survived horrible incest for years. She is now a famous preacher. God can and will heal your life...but it does take time, even years. But it's better than the alternative, which is being stuck in pain. I am praying for you, sister.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I will never be able to fully give myself to any man. I feel like damaged goods. Who's going to want me now??? I might as well get used to the idea of remaining single.

I really feel that the LORD is saying the following is His covernant promise to you, I know all of the word of God is His promise, but the following verse just won't leave my Spirit:

Psa 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

If I had to say anything about it, it is this: God sees the inner you, He sees your desires, your inner needs, He will walk you into the future that your heart desires. The bible says "the desire of the righteous will be granted". He won't abuse you, He is love, he is good, he is God.

 

[Zoii]

I totally get wot your saying about wanting never to be touched by a guy. You wonder how many can be so evil. Even ones you think you can trust. I hope your seeing someone professional or going to a group. Have u tried keeping a journal?

 

[Johnnz]

Bad experiences linger and exert their influences. Jesus offers healing from those damaging times, but it is a journey, not some 'quick fix' experience and will involve a suitably experience and wise person to guide you through it.

John
NZ