I know this post is kind of long, but please take the time to read the whole thing as it's all important, or don't bother commenting please, K...
OK, where do I begin...?
I've been getting a lot of "revelations" of late so it's hard to know where to begin...?
I guess I should start off by telling you what I think "Hell" is...?
I have come to the realization that "Hell" is, or is for, "people who are never meant for anything more than "this", ever, "forever", etc"... and that is my most basic definition of what "Hell" is and the people who are meant for it, etc...
I guess you could say that, when they die, they kind of "cease to exist", or be awake or conscious for a time, and then are only brought back when this creation has ended and a new one has begun, and are only brought back (to "life") (again), to only exist (again), much like exactly what they were and as they were and/or are, but "were" or were like "before", etc, in the previous creation prior to that (again) before (that), etc... Then, when they die in that one, (again), they (again) cease to exist or be awake or conscious for a time (again), and are only brought back (to "supposed" "life") (again) when then that creation has (once again) ended and a new one has begun (again) (etc) to only exist (again) much like exactly what and as they were (before) (again) in that/the previous creation (before) prior to that, etc, etc, etc, so on and so forth, etc... And that "cycle" basically repeats for them, over and over, "forever", etc, ("forever" as far as we know, etc)...
It is what Hell is, (to me anyway)...
But, those who go to Heaven get to go "beyond" "this", or get to go and/or above and/or beyond these kinds of places or these types of realities/existences, etc, to a place where they never "sleep" or cease to exist for periods of time (like the others do) ever again, etc... We might say they get to "transcend" while others don't, or do not ever get to, etc, and do not ever get to ever, "forever", etc...
Why am I telling you this...? I don't know really other than it has really been bothering me very much lately, etc... And it's been bothering me because I think it might only be the "few" who get to "transcend" or get to go, or be, or get to exist "beyond", or ever get to go or exist outside/beyond/above of just only (more of) "this" only, etc, anyway I think it might be only the "few" who get to do that, etc...
And it "bothers me", and "bothers me" very very much because...? Well...?
You have to understand that I don't really believe in free will, or multiple possibilities or way things can or will, or won't or will, or will or will not go or be... anyway, I don't really believe in free will or multiple possibilities or way things can go/be, etc, based on only our own will or choosing alone, or don't believe that hardly at all, etc, but only by only God's will and His own choosing or not (our own) choosing alone, etc, and we don't really have a will of our own, ever, not really anyway...
I think God has already chosen for us, and does dictate, and has "already dictated" already, or already chose already, everything for us already, etc, and did it or all of it/ that (already) from a long, long, long time ago, or before anything (else) is or ever was, etc, most especially including everything having to do with "us", etc...
You must understand that I believe we do not ever choose ever, not really anyway, but that God has "already chosen for us", etc, (from a long, long time ago, etc) including having already chosen (from a long, long time ago, etc) who will or will not be chosen for either, this Heaven that I speak of, or else this "Hell" that I speak or spoke of, etc, and that He (God) has already dictated or made that or those choices for us and for all of us, etc... And as I said, lately my head has been filled with thoughts that, those that/who He has (already) chosen for Heaven, or that He has (already) chosen to be one among His (already) "chosen ones" for Heaven, anyway, will be "few", or maybe even "very few", or at least not the majority at least anyway, etc...
I have come to the realization that "I" am one of the ones, or am one of the ones to be counted among the ones, who are, or were, or have, already been chosen by Him (God) to be one of the ones chosen by Him to be going to Heaven, or will be one of the ones transcending when I am done here, etc... and I would be happy about it, but it's actually quite disturbing and unsettling to or for me when I think about all the very numerous "others" who might not be, or might not ever be going beyond this life, or these lives, or these kinds of lives or realities or existences ever, etc, "forever", etc...
It's not something you can rejoice over when you realize how many may be...? well, "damned" basically, etc... And how you also know it is not in any kind of way whatsoever, ever at all, in any kind of way ever or whatsoever, ever, because of "you" in any way ever, etc...
That it is only because God chose (you) (if your a chosen one by Him), and never because (you) chose (you), or "saved" and/or delivered or made yourself destined for Heaven in any kind of way ever, whatsoever, ever, etc, but that He and only He alone did or already did/have or has ever, etc, and it's never because of you ever, etc, and never because of you "either way", etc, whether you to go to this Heaven that I speak of (after this, etc) or go to this kind of Hell that I speak of, etc... It is all because of God and His choosing "either way" and never our own (choosing or making or dictating) ever, but only His choosing or not choosing or dictating ever, etc...
Why did He make the ones that will only get to ever or go, or will only ever get to be, or will only ever exist only in only these kinds realities or existences ever, forever, then, etc...? Well, we'll get to that in a minute, K...
But, the other part of this quandry, (of Him making you or choosing you to be a chosen one (for Heaven) which is not at at all in any way because yourself ever, etc), anyway, the other part of this quandry is that, "you know that you know that you know" there is "absolutely no difference between you and them ever, etc... and certainly not any kind of any kind of "better" difference that you are responsible for in any kind of way ever, whatsoever, ever, etc... and if you were to judge yourself as one of the chosen ones for Heaven, you may even be actually "worse" than some or many of them in some or a lot of ways maybe, etc... So, on what kind of basis does He choose or make some only for one kind of place and others for another kind of place, etc...? Because there seems to absolutely no rhyme or reason to it if you ask me...
There is an "us" and "them" and an "us and them" but you know there is no kind of better or worse difference between "us and them", yet there is still and "us and them" regardless, etc... and you also know that not only is there not ever anything better about the ones chosen to be the "us chosen over them", by Him, etc, but you also know that it is, or never ever was ever because of, or ever due to something of your own choosing or making ever, etc, but only because of only God and God only ever, and God's and God's only choosing or making ever, and not ever us or just your own only ever, etc...
Now this is what I've been wrestling with...? His choosing or not choosing or whatever, or His making some for one place or purpose only, while making others for another purpose or the other place when they die possibly only, etc, anyway, if there is no difference at all between them (or us) (or us and them, etc) and it is all only ever based on only the way He (already) made or (already) chose each one of us (to be) only ever, etc, anyway, it doesn't make any kind of sense at all to me at all ever, and I can't "figure it out" at all ever, etc...? And my heart hurts and hurts a lot for the others that may never be or ever have ever been meant for to ever go beyond or ever be anything more than anything beyond this, and/or after this, etc...
One way to know if one is chosen or is a chosen one for Heaven or not, is that His chosen ones are made by Him to seek or follow or pursue or chase after Him (God) and His things and the things of Him and/or surrounding Him with "all that they are" and "all that they have" (and/or possess or are) at some point in their life before they die here, etc... But, are they responsible for that or did they choose that themselves for an by themselves in any way at all whatsoever? No, they did not... But God already chose that for them or made them that way, or to destined or made them to be or become that way at some point in their life/lives before they die or leave here, etc, and did that from "before the foundations or the beginnings of the world and/or creation or this universe at some point before they die here", etc...
Anyway, the point I want to get to is, His choosing/electing/predestining or presdestinating from before the foundations or beginnings of the world or this creation or this universe makes "absolutely no sense at all to me", but I nevertheless know it just "is", etc, or is this or that way, etc...?
There's nothing different, nothing better or worse or any more or less special or whatever between us or between you and/or me and/or them, etc... and even if there ever were or was, or is, it's not something that we would or did or have ever chosen or did for ourselves ever, but was only something God already chose or did for us from a very, very, very very very, long long time ago, etc...
If you don't ever seek after or pursue or seek or ever go hard and very hard after God and/or the things (wisdom/knowledge) of God in your life ever, then I would have some serious doubts if you are or ever were ever truly made and/or were ever chosen by God to get to go beyond or be meant for anything more than just more of this ever, forever, etc, which is my definition of Hell if you ask me...
Why did He make and or create those who are never meant to anything more than or ever go beyond or exist for anything more than just more of this ever, etc...? He has told me that part of the reason for His making or having those others is that He made those others to cause His chosen ones to come or rise up and/or come up about and become known, etc, to or before certain "onlookers", or witnesses, etc... To kind of help create or make them (His true chosen ones, etc)... Qualify them for Heaven in the sight of all, etc...
I hurt very much so for those that maybe may not ever be, or that have not been ever been meant for going to or toward or for going beyond anything more than just this, or just more of just this, ever, and forever, etc... And I don't know at all on what basis God chooses or makes them (us) (all or any of us) any different at all from one another either, etc... which I am sometimes tempted to "take issue" with Him about sometimes, though I know now that I both am, and was a long long time ago, chosen, or am one of the ones already chosen by Him, etc, to go or be or exist for or beyond way very much more than just more of this ever, etc, and forever, etc, or for Heaven, etc...
How can one be happy about it, when you know that it just may be a or the or a few only, etc...? It wouldn't be right to complain about it, but it is also not right to feel very happy about it at all ever either, etc... And you sorely tempted to take or have some serious issue and/or issues with God about it sometimes as well, but that would be "complaining" now wouldn't it...
Anyway, I may add more to this later or more thoroughly expound on some of these thoughts a little bit later on, but, for now, "there it is", I guess, taken all in all for what it is, etc...
God Bless!