Heart Still Broken, Wants to Heal

[happily_saved]

Hi,

I'll make this short. Wont go into much detail. But I'm dating this guy named Josh and we have been together for 9 months. Before I met Josh I was going out with this guy named Arek. And I was crazy for this guy. It was only a 4 month relationship but it was the type of relationship where you felt everything was perfect and yous talked about a future together. He set me up for high hopes. He went away to Poland for a month and before he left bought me a bible (hes a christian), when he got back he gave me this shirt and silver cross necklace he bought me. Then he went a week without talkin to me ect and then he broke up with me. Not sure why... We had the "perfect" relationship. But anyways, I've had many dreams up till now about Arek, things like the day he came back from Poland but us being happy together, things like moments of us in love and going fun places. I told my bf about these dreams and he is being very supporting. He used to be friends with Arek so he knows who he is. I told him that I think it would help if I met up with Arek at Tim Hortons and told him how I feel and settle the rubble left between us so that I can heal and have some answers to help me do so. And Josh is in total support of that. I was hoping to get the opinion of others as well...


Danielle

 

[JulesM]

Hi Danielle

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Its sounds like you're maybe still in love with Arek. I think Josh is being incredibly supportive - as I'm not sure many people could be supportive of their girlfriend clearly loving someone else.

I feel prompted to ask you why you're in a relationship with Josh, when you're not over Arek? I think what you need right now is to lean into God more than you ever have done. I think God needs to break this attachment you have for Arek if it is not his will (Gods, not Areks) and you need to totally surrender yourself to God, and trust him for the right man for you.

It doesn't sound like Josh is the right man for you, as you're still thinking about Arek.

In fact all you should really be focusing on is God.

I'm not judging you. I'm saying all this out of love and because I have learnt from bitter experience. I hope I haven't upset or offended you.

Maybe talk this through with a mature christian at your church?

Julie

 

[Kehaar]

Hi Danielle

Firstly, I'm sorry this is still causing you so much pain and discomfort after all this time.

I would suggest you take some time for yourself to be with God and seek his will and guidance in this.

I know these won't be pleasent questions for you to answer, so forgive me, my intention isn't to upset you. JulesM has already posed the question of why you're dating Josh when you're not over Arek and I would like to add to that a little bit - do you know (clearly) how you feel about Josh?

Have you been in touch with or seen Arek since you broke up? I think you're entitled to know why he decided to split with you and I understand how unsettling it is when you don't have answers, I've been there myself.

Are you clear about how you feel about Arek? It is clear that he is on your mind alot, from what you have said in your post but if you are planning on meeting him then I think you need to know what you want to get out of that meeting. Is it just answers or friendship or are you hoping for more?

I hope you'll get peace over this issue soon and that I haven't caused you any upset with my questions.

Astral

 

[happily_saved]

Maybe I didnt make my post clear sorry.

I'm over Arek. He hurt me so much that I grew to have anger towards him. I love Josh. We have been together for 9 months. Me and Arek broke up 10 months ago. And I haven't talked to him since. I just feel I need to make him known of the hurt he caused, and get answers to why he did certain things. I want to talk and then go our seperate ways. So I just wanna know what people think of that.

 

[rogsr]

Does 'talking' mean that you are going to throw things in Areks face? If it does then I would suggest skipping it.

 

[happily_saved]

No, talking means simply trying to figure out together why things turned out the way they did.

 

[rogsr]

I've been down that road and it's like a rusty bear trap. You can do what you want, but my advice is to just move on and be happy that you found someone else. I know how deep the pain runs, and I know that bringing it back to the surface doesn't help.

 

[rainbowprism]

You need to pray that God will help you forgive and begin to heal from your past hurt.

 

[TheMainException]

That sounds like a good idea as long as you don't get suckered into another relationship with this past love, but it sounds like you won't. Take someone with you to be supportive, but I think that you and your old love should be the only ones talking, the other person should just be there for support.