Healing

[JojotheBeloved]

Preface to the topic posed for discussion: Please be kind. It is difficult for me to write about this subject as it is painful for me. However, I need to heal and I have felt impressed to share and ask for help here. Please let this be a safe space. It would be much appreciated.

Topic posed for discussion: What strategies have you found helpful in healing from past personal pain? Specifically, emotional pain as a result of a dysfunctional relationship with someone you had to work with closely?

Also, ministry career wise - are there any tips you can think of for someone who is called and desires to be a part of a full-time ministry team, who has experienced a dysfunctional work relationship with another particular minister in a past position? How might one recover in full-time ministry from such a circumstance?

I don't want to relay too much information, as this is a public forum and I don't wish to in any way harm any individuals or identify any particular churches or anything like that. I don't want to be in any way divisive. But I did experience a dysfunctional work relationship with a senior pastor and have been in the process since of healing and trying to move forward. Any helpful tips or advice to consider from the standpoint of what I could do to help myself heal or anything I can do to present myself well in future interviews for ministry would be much appreciated. When all was said and done, I did move on from that situation on good terms with the congregation and the pastor even gave me a good recommendation. But since then I have had to work through some emotional fallout and I just want to heal so as to forgive the person that hurt me and also to be able to present myself in a positive way in future ministry situations. As stated before, please be kind.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I had a similar situation to yourself where unfair accusations were made upon me. At the time as was not a very mature Christian and the accusations made me doubt my standing with God.

I can not say I am 100% free from the situation as I still don't like being in the church where the accusation was made. However there were two things that I had to do, that was to "forgive", and "think upon the good".

I don't believe any pastor deliberately goes out of their way to hurt others, but the reality is even pastors can get deceived and hurt others from time to time.

Php_4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

[phydaux]

Jojo,

To answer your second question first, Adventist is a denomination, and one of the few I haven't fellowshipped in at some point. I would recommend talking to those in your denomination's leadership (pastor-level and above) about full time ministry opportunities for women.

Also, there are always para-church organisations like Campus Crusade and the Navigators.

And if you really believe you have something to say, there's nothing preventing you from starting a web site, printing up flyers, and launching your own para-church organisation. Although I don't know how well your Adventist leadership would receive that.

 

[phydaux]

And now to your first question...

I mentioned in another thread that being loving does not mean being a door mat, and part of being a mature adult means having well developed boundaries.

There's lots of resources on this, available from Amazon or your local Super Mega Book Seller, Coffee Cafe And Muffler Shop.


"Yes, but that's not the Bible."

"Oh, you mean the book that abusive minister used to beat you with and make you feel worthless?"


Now don't get me wrong, I'm not disparaging the Bible. I'm just saying that some well meaning (and a few non-so-well-meaning) people can use it to really lay a trip on other people, trying to manipulate them into doing exactly what they want the other person to do.

So now I'm gonna take a minute and talk about boundaries in the context of biblical love.

God calls us to love others. Love isn't a feeling. Biblical love is not some nebulous positive regard for our fellow man. Biblical love requires us to make a choice, and to take an action - In what ever situation, God calls us to choose to do the loving thing.

And doing that loving thing takes time. No matter how sanctified you are, you still only have 24 hours in a day.

You spend 8 of those asleep because the body God gave you requires it, and God expects you to be a good steward of everything he gives you and that includes your body.

You spend 8 of those hours working, and God expects us to represent Him well while we are working. God calls us to be servants of others, and all productive work is a service we perform to man-kind in general. Therefore all productive work has dignity, because all productive work is a service unto God.

You spend a few hours each day commuting, cooking, eating, cleaning, doing laundry, showering and brushing your teeth. God doesn't want your breath or your arm pits to smell.

You spend some time each day with your husband and your kids (I'm assuming).

After all that, you don't have a lot of time left over. God expects us to exercise wisdom in selecting how we spend what little time we have left over.

And he doesn't expect other people to make that choice for us.

So by having well developed boundaries it allows us to manage how we spend our time, how we spend ourselves, in God's service.

Hope that helps Jojo.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

Thank you. Good input. I appreciate it.

 

[obadehin owolabi]

To answer you question firstly l want you to now there is no church that 100% perfect their all try to be perfect. secondly if your mind is still in that church try as mush as possible to sort thing out with the authority of the church Thirdly before you go into full time ministry you must first ask pastors in full time ministry about their experience when they start full time ministry. May the Almighty God guild you in your decision.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

Thanks for your input. I feel the need to clarify something though. I already was in full time ministry and intend to continue to do so in the future. Career wise I probably can't get the best info here, because that can be denomination ally specific. But the greater question was intended to be emotional healing. Anyway, thanks. I do feel much better now than I did when I first posted my original questions. God is good and I'm sure He will continue to take care of me like He always has before.