- Dec 4, 2019
- 617
- 425
- 30
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I realize that the New Year is around the corner and my goal is to healed by Jesus from this psychosis. I was reading in the Bible today how Jesus healed the demon possessed and I listened to Psalms last night on an electronic bible. I woke up and it was on Isaiah after having a nightmare. Jesus is going to get me through this I haven't blasphemed the Holy Spirit since it wasn't done verbally it can't be done in a hallucination and I haven't witnessed a miracle from Jesus like the Pharisees. My friend said that blasphemy is not receiving the Holy Spirit in life and rejecting the Holy Spirit which I have not done since I asked Jesus in my heart when I was four years old. I realize that this blue light is just part of mental illness and the words I see on my skin. I am not the False Prophet and I will be in Heaven one day. I plan to focus on the positives from now on. Jesus would not let me get the Mark of the Beast it is not even out yet to take I would not even know what it would look like. Were not in the middle of tribulation so I can't be the False Prophet and I am not a religious leader or world figure. I am just a nobody who loves Jesus and goes to College who helps out with Awana and my Church who loves the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I would make a lousy false prophet if I preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Why is God allowing this trial I don't know the answer but he does. He clearly knows that I can bear this burden and I realize how much that I depend on God. Paul had a thorn in the flesh from a messenger of Satan and three times he asked for it removed and Jesus told him my grace is sufficient for you in your weakness my power is made perfect in weakness. I have to trust that in my life and hold on to the fact that Jesus died on the cross and rose again three days later. I have to trust and keep faith that I am not Satan's but I belong to Jesus even with this mind trick of an illness. You say is a great song about fighting voices and believing that God is in control. He holds every breath that I breath and he saw my life before I was born. King David said he was formed in his mother's womb and with that knowledge God knew before the foundation of the Earth that I would fall before the Yellow flickering light. It will be well with soul knowing that you can't blaspheme the Holy Spirit now days and that I will be in Heaven while Satan will be in Hell. Jesus will have the victory in my life and it will be well with my soul one day. I can look forward to 2020 despite my struggle my sin not in part but the whole is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. When I doubt my eternal security and if the Holy Spirit left me I go to my verses on Eternal Security. No one gets erased from the Lamb's Book of Life unless they change the prophecy of Revelation. I am saved and I can cling to the Old Rugged Cross and know that everything will be okay. Jesus still loves me despite accidentally mixing up Satan and Jesus in the yellow flickering light. I am still in the Bible and praising the Lord awaiting his return. I realize that what I am facing is just OCD Scrupulosity, Schitzeffective, Pandas, Austim which keeps me at narrow focus. I am not sure why the sun looks different but it is part of the disorder. I look forward to Jesus rapturing me and calling me home saying well done my good and faithful servant. I may not feel the Holy Spirit but feelings lie and he speaks through his word. This world gets crazier everyday and it makes you wonder about Jesus return. My friend doesn't think the rapture will happen in our lifetime he might be right. Only God knows the Day and hour of his return. I hallucinated that it happened already I saw a blue light on the floor that said it was in 2 days. I kept seeing stuff that is not real appear on the floor and then I saw a red light flash that said Mark of the Beast incoming in a hallucination. I have been in quite the spiritual battle but nothing can separate from the love of God. I have to trust the truth of Romans 8:38-39 and realize that we are in period of God's grace. God's praise is on my lips and their is verse in Bible that states you have to have the Holy Spirit to confess Jesus as Lord that is how I know that I don't really have the spirit of the Antichrist because I go around confess that Jesus is Lord. I have a brain disorder that creates fake news that I need to get past. I just need to focus on my Church and helping with Awana and trust that one day Jesus will return for me. It isn't my salvation at stake it is a mental illness. I believe that God can heal me again and rescue me from this nightmare I completely trust God. I believe that God will do it again Jesus is still enough and my heart will sing his praises again. I have to wrap my mind around the fact that the Yellow Cross and flickering light was nothing and it doesn't define me it was an illness and I had no control over an out of body hallucination on the shower and that followed me to the door. I had no control over what occurred and God knows that. I believe it is why people see the Fruit of the Holy Spirit in my life which further proves that this is a mental illness that I am facing. The Holy Spirit bears witness and it further proves that I am saved and loved by King Jesus. I am going to Heaven one day and he will rescue me and I can focus on him and not on the hallucination of the yellow cross and flickering lights it was not blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I am going to have good days and bad days dealing with this yellow cross and the flickering lights but I know God won't hold me responsible for a hallucination in the shower. I don't believe that it was a supernatural temptation as it wasn't tangible like an apple that Eve ate. I don't believe a loving God would allow such a temptation happen to my life especially since God knew that I was mentally ill and Jesus would know that I would get snatched out his hand if he allowed the enemy to send such a temptation. I don't believe it and that is a good thing as I try to cope with the trauma. I have the Holy Spirit in my life and I will be in heaven one day soon and I trust God's promises.
