he is ignoring kids

[mimi4him]

stbex called yesterday he wanted to come pick up his mail . He knows I dont want o see him so I agreed to put it out on porch. I told him I had a doctors appt and he asked who would be here ( i have a childcare business in home) I told him Adam our 23 yr old son. Ok
i get back from doctors ( gone maybe hr) and he has came got mail but even knowing I wouldnt be here at a certain time and just adam he didnt bother to talk to him or see him . How does he think that makes his son feel ? adam said he did'nt even know when he came and got his mail . I didnt say anything or ask him if it bothered him that his dad didnt even knock on door to see him , This is really the only issue m still dealing with , The fact that he has not bothering to keep in contact with his kids ( have daughter that is 26 expecting 1st grandbaby )
It just hurts me to think he doesnt even seem to care about his kids ( the reason he gave for staying married for 27 yrs)
ok any thoughts , advice on how to get over feeling sad for my kids ?
blessings & Merry Christmas
Carol

 

[Addy]

He knows I dont want o see him so I agreed to put it out on porch.
*** Maybe he thinks the entire family does not want to see him either.
I told him I had a doctors appt and he asked who would be here ( i have a childcare business in home) I told him Adam our 23 yr old son.
***Maybe you should have left the mail with Adam unstead of putting it on the porch?
How does he think that makes his son feel ?
***Again, I'm not sure of your situation but maybe he feels like the kids do not want to see him either.
ok any thoughts , advice on how to get over feeling sad for my kids ?
***Do your kids call him? Or is everyone just waiting for him to call or make contact. Have the kids call and talk to their dad. Maybe he will start acting better. Was he a good father when you were married?

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Sometimes a man may think he's not important anymore once he's out of the house.
Maybe he "owns" the fact that he left and therfore believes he has less value or is needed less by the kids. Perhaps since your kids are old enough to be on their own he assumes they are mad at him too.
My wife wanted the divorce (I didn't) the kids are with her. 2 teenagers from my first marriage (she became mom to them when they were young) and 2 elementary age. (all girls) The older girls are teenagers (hard for me to understand or relate to at times) she acts more like a friend than a parent. She's trying to relive her youth so understands better than dad does.
I feel less valuable or important. (except when it comes to money)
I know that's not necessarily true. But it's still a struggle.
Maybe he feels some of the same things.

 

[KJVisTruth]

There could be a bunch of reasons for this... maybe he was in a rush, or he had someone waiting for him? Maybe he had an appointment too. Since you dont want to see him, you could talk to your kids and tell them how you feel, why you are sad. You might come to realize its really between them and their dad, especially since they are adults now. If you know how they truly feel, you might find no reason to feel sad.

 

[mimi4him]

He was a farther that thought buying them whatever they wanted was what being a dad was. He has told me several times he is to embarrased and ashamed to talk to them. when he left he had a girlfriend within 3 weeks and moved in with her within another 2 weeks) We have been separated since July. Our daughter doesnt know if she wants to talk to him or what she would say if she did ( expecting first grandbaby in January ) she is upset with him because she feels he could have atleast waited till we were divorced to move in with someone. Our son says he hates him and could care less if he ever sees him again. I have told them both he is still their dad and he loves them , and that they need to pray for him to come back to God and that if he wants to have a relationship with them they should have one if they want too. I have choose not to see him because everytime we talk I get to upset and hurt because he tells me hurtful stuff , like find someone , move on with your life , I never loved you , I only stayed because of the kids . Reminder the kids are 26 and 23 . Why didnt he leave when the youngest turned 18? If that was the reason? He wont even talk to his own brothers and sisters for same reason he say he cant talk to the kids.

It hurts me when the kids are upset and hurting and wondering did he ever really love them and why has he not tried to talk to them in 5 mths. They feel he should be the one to talk first since he is the one who walked away.
Hope this clears up some of the confusion.
blessings
carol

 

[cjba]

I am sorry you and the children are going through this. A friend of mine told me that it is up to my husband to have a relationship with our children. It is not my responsibility anymore to help him look good. The children will see the true colors of their father. With this said, both of us have older children. Mine are a little younger than yours but the concept is the same. All we can do is be there and be the best mother we can be and offer any and all support if asked for. We can be supportive but we can not make the circumstances bigger than what they are for our children. It may be us getting hurt because we want to see them still be a father to our children. The key here is your husband has already told you he is ashamed to speak to them. So you already have your answer as to why. Give them all time and keep everyone in prayer.

God Bless

 

[Addy]

*** He has told me several times he is to embarrased and ashamed to talk to them.
Hence his behavior.

***Our daughter doesnt know if she wants to talk to him or what she would say if she did ( expecting first grandbaby in January ) she is upset with him because she feels he could have atleast waited till we were divorced to move in with someone.
Another reason for him to stay away.

***Our son says he hates him and could care less if he ever sees him again.

Ok, so it seems mutal from all parties, you, son, daughter. You all dont want to deal with him. I'm sure he feels guilty and afraid to talk to them. How do you start to explain something like this. He is probably feeling like he will be there when the come to talk to him, until then he will not interfere in they lives.

Sounds like a standoff for a while.... Somebody needs to make a move, even though it might be painful.

Your daughter should just focus on having a healthy baby right now. No need to get her blood press up.

It just sounds like everyone is not ready.

 

[imaniingod]

Praying for this thread. Father we ask that you come and see about your child who is hurting, we ask for your divine intervention oh God. Touch the hearts of everyone who is involved. Bring comfort to this family. Hold the children in your arms. For you are bigger and more wise than we can ever be, and you hold all power in your hands and we ask that you dispatch your ministering angels about and pray all these things in the Mighty name of Jesus...Amen and Amen