He has herpes.

[Helpme22]

A girlfriend asked me for advice and I have NO idea what to tell her.

She is divorced and dating a guy who is also divorced. He was married for 15 years. She says that after a few dates they began messing around. She gave him oral. But hasnt had sex yet. Well he just told her 2 weeks AFTER giving him oral...via TEXT message That he has herpes. She really likes this guy but she is scared to death. She wanted to know if she should still see him? He says he's been on medication and has had it for 18 years.

She says that she wouldn't mind risking it if they were engaged etc but she doesn't want to have sex with him unless there's a life commitment. Is that a normal reaction?

 

[Keri]

Why are you asking this on a Christian Singles forum?

 

[Helpme22]

Because she's single... And Christian. Wants a Christian's perspective. I just don't know the dating world.. Well enough to have good advice. Thought I could ask here.. For her.

 

[SweetDee]

I am sure your friend wouldn't be thrilled at the idea that you brought her personal life and personal circumstances to a public forum for the world to see.

 

[Keri]

As a divorced woman, I'm sure she has enough experience to know what she's willing to chance. As an older (I assume she's older if she's dating a guy that was married for 15 years) woman I'm sure she's developed enough personal morals to know what is wrong or right to her.

If she wants a Christian perspective, she should ask her pastor.

On a practical note, if she's worried about herpes she should get tested. Pretty simple to find out.

 

[welshman]

Nothing wrong with asking for advice dude.

If they are both believers and they have crossed certain physical boundaries then they both need to evaluate what they really want from this relationship. They have already gone as far as oral sex. It is only a matter of time before they push the boundaries further.

What I would say to your friend is that they sit down and have a long talk about where they go from here. They only went on a few dates and have already gone this far. That is crazy stuff.

Tell her that they should both stay as friends for now. They probably know next to nothing about each other and so they need to build up a solid foundation. That comes with time. It can't be rushed. There are many things they will need to find out to see if they are right for each other. (If you wanted me to PM you with a list of a few things I always tell others then just let me know and I'll be glad to help.)

Only then will they be able to go forward prayerfully as a couple in a relationship. As far as the herpes thing goes...I would tell her not to stress herself out too much. If she is that worried, advise her to go to the doctor and go from there. If anything, it will serve as a lesson that God doesn't want a believer messing in that kind of stuff before marriage.

I know this may all sound very vague and non-specific. I didn't want to throw a load of scripture out on here been as I don't know what you wanted to know. Like I said, I'm no expert but can offer you at least what I always tell the young adults in my church about dating. Feel free to PM.

God Bless,
Steve.

 

[K9_Trainer]

It's herpes, not leprosy. It's really NOT a big deal, not exclusively an STI, and a lot of people have some form of herpes anyway. You know cold sores on mouths? That's caused by the herpes virus, the same one that can cause genital herpes. I got it from my boyfriend because I didn't feel like not kissing him for 2 weeks while the outbreak went away. I could care less...The sores go away quickly with a supplement of L-lysine from the drugstore for a couple weeks. Don't even need prescription crap.

Your friend needs to do some research on the virus, and if she's worried she has it, go see a doctor and get a simple blood test. Her doctor can explain how, when and why the virus gets transmitted. From there, she can decide if it's something she wants to avoid getting, or if it's something she really doesn't care if she gets.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a commitment before having sex, herpes or no herpes.

 

[Boondock_Saint]

These things happen. It is not a big deal. If he had it, she does too. She should go to a doctor and get a test.

Should your friend still see this guy? Well let me say this. Your friend got herpes, not an engagement ring. And herpes is not an engagement ring. If things went the way they do so early on, she should be asking herself why she started seeing this guy in the first place. Was he just a release or did she really want to get to know him? She should go from there.
Good luck to your friend.

 

[Takkles]

People can give their advice on this situation all they want, but it doesn't matter(actually, K9's post is the only legit one here). This is something she needs to decide for herself.

 

[Niels]

The guy should have mentioned it beforehand. Unfortunately, your friend wasn't given a say in the matter. That's pretty low. Although herpes is relatively minor, it's a lifelong thing. Managing the symptoms of the virus, rather than truly being able to get rid of it. Not that I recommend premarital sex, but if you're going to be intimate with someone, then this kind of thing should be discussed upfront. The fact that he didn't share this info is a red flag as far as I'm concerned. What else is he not telling her?

My advice to her would be to not freak out, check with a doctor to see if she contracted anything, and be more careful in the future.

 

[Going Merry]

Harpys

 

[RandomNoob]

herpelepsy

"for a friend"... ok

 

[ErminlindaRika]

Imo oral is just as bad as sex. I don't think he's worth it if he didn't tell her before & decides to tell her 2 weeks after via text message I just don't think that's good for her. She wouldn't mind risking it? He should have cared enough to tell her about his herpes from the start of their relationship.

 

[Going Merry]

It was probably 'on the fly' you know? In the moment thing.
And was probably difficult to tell someone that while in the moment.

There are a lot of factors we exclude, but we know that he should have brought it to her attention. But is he bad for that? It wasn't right, but, still you know :O

 

[RandomNoob]

Ugh yea, I think that's pretty bad.

"I think people shouldn't have to tell their partner they have herpes"


"that way, I don't have to tell them about mine"

 

[wannaberocker]

For some reason i laughed at the OP's question. I cant tell if its a troll or real. But if its real then i cant believe an adult woman (the friend in the situation) is so utterly clueless.


BTW herpes is not an all out STD. YOu can be a virgin and still get the herpes virus.

 

[Paulie079]

Sounds like the guy is pretty selfish and kind of an idiot to get intimate with a woman and then wait until after he's had his fun to tell her what's up. If she wants a Christian perspective, I would say that he isn't worth keeping around, if not just for the fact that he would let the relationship get sexual so quickly, but then there's obviously the risk to her health that she's taking. If he didn't tell her about the herpes right away, what else isn't he telling her? The wisest thing would be to get out now.

 

[Obzocky]

A girlfriend asked me for advice and I have NO idea what to tell her.

She is divorced and dating a guy who is also divorced. He was married for 15 years. She says that after a few dates they began messing around. She gave him oral. But hasnt had sex yet. Well he just told her 2 weeks AFTER giving him oral...via TEXT message That he has herpes. She really likes this guy but she is scared to death. She wanted to know if she should still see him? He says he's been on medication and has had it for 18 years.

She says that she wouldn't mind risking it if they were engaged etc but she doesn't want to have sex with him unless there's a life commitment. Is that a normal reaction?

Tut tut. If he's on medication and known about his condition for 18 years he should have known better than to allow someone to orally pleasure him without some kind of barrier (and even then it's not exactly 100% protection, but still), although if he's not currently suffering an outbreak I guess people can get complacent about things. That said it's understandable that he avoided telling her until he had a moment of "I should really tell her". The stigma of having something which can cause quite the unsightly mess upon the genital area can limit the willingness one has to admit they have said issue.

It's quite easy to be a bit "she's an adult..." about it, but given the state of sexual awareness amongst the majority of individuals it wouldn't shock me that a grown woman would be clueless about this sort of thing. Shockingly for a lot of people it's something they may learn about briefly during their teenage years and then forget about completely until it affects them.

The only person who can answer whether or not she should continue to see him is the individual in question.

 

[gracefullamb]

For some reason i laughed at the OP's question. I cant tell if its a troll or real. But if its real then i cant believe an adult woman (the friend in the situation) is so utterly clueless.


BTW herpes is not an all out STD. YOu can be a virgin and still get the herpes virus.

You and me both. And sure herpes isn't just an all out STD but if the OP's friend really wanted to avoid getting any STD, she probably should not have been engaging in sexual activity with some guy she has only gone out with a few times.

 

[RandomNoob]

unsightly mess upon the genital area can limit the willingness one has to admit they have said issue.

official std or not, Obzocky lays down the law right hurrr. (no personal experience fwiw...)