He doesn't get it

To be loved unconditionally is much safer than having to perform! That we seek our self-esteem from other things apart of the unconditionally love of God is foolish for conditional love is no love at all.

Rejoice brother God loves you no matter what! That is the security you want and need. Build your self-esteem on such love and you are safe, build your self-esteem on your performance and you will always end up with a cold shower in the end.

Think of it this way, Michael--would you want God's love and salvation to be conditional on our good behavior and deeds? We'd all be in deep dejecta if that were the case. Be thankful for the fact that a God as timeless and universal as ours is as loving and full of grace as He is.

Unconditional love is like a safe haven of encouragement and support, I think. God loves us even if we mess up. Even if we think little of ourselves, God knows better. He sees in us what we don't see in ourselves. So He sees the potential that we may not see when we're down.

If someone has low self esteem, it is good to know that someone cares. It does not automatically mean that unconditional love cures you and makes you some sort of perfect human being, healthy, happy and brimming with confidence and self worth. Love isn't a miracle drug, but it can help make you feel less alone and supported.

Maybe even the reason why you can bring up courage to try something, to take a step or steps, which you would not have taken if you believed that no one is on your side and that if you fail, God would give up and turn His back on you. Someone is with you for better and for worse.

Also, people usually care for someone else without analyzing why they like that person. It just happens. They like that person. If you ask why, they would often have to think to give more than one answer.

I have to echo what previous posters have said. I've had everyone who has ever "loved" me leave me and betray me. Knowing God's love for me is unconditional is the only thing that has kept me going. And thinking about how far he went to prove it gives me great hope.

Dear one, please know I say this without judgement. I've been in places very similar to where you are now. In fact, my maladies went far beyond low self worth. I was one of the most self-hating people I've ever met. But notice the verbiage. Went, was--past tense Now as the song says, my view of myself is, "I am the child of the ONe True KIng". I think I'm pretty great. Not in a cocky way, but rather in a Jesus is making me into the person He planned me to be, healing wounds, growing me up in Him and making me as He promised, His masterpiece.

I understand why it may seem to yo that God's love is conditional. But it is not conditionial. OUr experience of it, however is. The love is ours. It is there for the taking, the recieving, but we must hold out our hands and recieve it, to experience it, to heal and get that true experience of the life and self image He has for us. And often the experience is not what we expected or even wanted.

You see, we, all of us, when we are newly building a relationship with the Lord (or to be more accurate, allowing Him to build a relationship with us) think we know how love should look. We don't know, but we,usually based on what hurts inside us, know how we wish it would look. But how we wish it wold look is not always what we need, what would heal us or what is best. So becuase He is love, God cannot go against love, and give us what is not best for us.

If you were a parent and your child wanted to run and get his favorite ball, but that ball had just rolled in front of a moving vehicle, it woud not be love to let go of the child screaming for the ball. You, as parent, knwo you are doing the right thing by holding that child with all your might, but all the child sees in the moment is their favorite ball being crushed by the truck. The young one doesn't even begin to make the association that he could have been being crushed along side the ball.

But as that child gets older, recovers from the loss, and knows the parent better, one day he will understand that the loss of the ball was indeed the most loving thing the parent could have done.

However, if the child is not able or willing to keep an open mind at the time of the loss, and he decides to no longer be open to trusting tha tthe parent is loving, the child takes life into his own hands, reaps the results of life alone, and then, often times is upset with the parent for not stepping in. What the child does not see is that the parent was giving love and guidance all along, but the child was stuck in the hurt, and perhaps even anger from the loss, and in a sense lives as a disciple of the loss and hurt, rather than lifving the life of a child of the loving parent. The love and guidance and healing were there for the taking, but life circumstances and the enemy of his soul deceived him into keeping his eyes open for reasons to not see the love rather than spotting opportunities to open up to it and heal.

I'd be happy to share some resources on this if you are interested. Please let me know.

Prayers and blessings,
a

Michael03101985 said:

I've heard the associate pastor at my church give a few sermons around the same theme. He's a big believer that the knowledge of God's love for us is incredibly powerful and very personally uplifting, and I've often wondered why it doesn't make me feel that way. I've heard that same argument in taking comfort because God loves us here too, and found it no less absurd. And I think I've finally figured out where that line of thinking falls apart.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

This is why that doesn't work. Such a refrain is extremely significant to the theme of eternal salvation, but does nothing for low self-worth. It means that God's love is unconditional, and not based on our own merits. Essentially, we get it by just showing up, and our personality and talents and skills are irrelevant. It's the same thing with our families. They love us for just being us, and nothing else matters. I'm not saying these things aren't meaningful in themselves, but when they are so unconditional and automatic, as far as self-worth goes, I say "BIG DEAL!!"

To me, friendships and romance and even work are infinitely more meaningful to one's self esteem because they are based on characteristics and skills that are unique to the person, and not automatically granted by just showing up. Our friends would not keep us around if there were not attractive qualities about us that were attractive. Our coworkers and bosses would not want us working for and with them if we didn't have talents and personality that made us good at our jobs. But being loved for just showing up? That's no good at all...

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Very true. The Christianity that surrounded me growing up seemed far too easy...it was simple: you're always loved, no matter what you do, no matter who you are, and all you have to do is get down on your knees and pray to accept it.

Ultimately I've found self worth comes from self love, which comes from acceptance of the things you do RIGHT. We're all taught to acknowledge that we're sinful creatures, but that often translates to "Make sure you notice everything you do wrong!"

And while community is necessary, relying on love and support for others entirely isn't effective, either. It's good to hear that someone loves you - but if you do not love and accept yourself for who you are, your self esteem may not go where you need it. This doesn't mean becoming an air head with a holier-than-thou attitude. But we often get it in our heads that "I'm sinful, therefore I'm wretched". Rather, recognize the sinful nature as something that you can overcome with the good qualities that God DID instill in you.

Hope this helps.

Michael03101985 said:

I've heard the associate pastor at my church give a few sermons around the same theme. He's a big believer that the knowledge of God's love for us is incredibly powerful and very personally uplifting, and I've often wondered why it doesn't make me feel that way. I've heard that same argument in taking comfort because God loves us here too, and found it no less absurd. And I think I've finally figured out where that line of thinking falls apart.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

This is why that doesn't work. Such a refrain is extremely significant to the theme of eternal salvation, but does nothing for low self-worth. It means that God's love is unconditional, and not based on our own merits. Essentially, we get it by just showing up, and our personality and talents and skills are irrelevant. It's the same thing with our families. They love us for just being us, and nothing else matters. I'm not saying these things aren't meaningful in themselves, but when they are so unconditional and automatic, as far as self-worth goes, I say "BIG DEAL!!"

To me, friendships and romance and even work are infinitely more meaningful to one's self esteem because they are based on characteristics and skills that are unique to the person, and not automatically granted by just showing up. Our friends would not keep us around if there were not attractive qualities about us that were attractive. Our coworkers and bosses would not want us working for and with them if we didn't have talents and personality that made us good at our jobs. But being loved for just showing up? That's no good at all...

Click to expand...

You are right, Michael. That is because self esteem and God's grace are not the same thing.

God's amazing grace is not predicated upon your performance. Praise God for that! By receiving Him and His Son, you are part of the family.

Self esteem is self centered, not God centered. Self esteem is about respecting yourself. And, self esteem is gained by doing God's will for your life. Self esteem comes from successfully accomplishing the challenges that God lays in front of you. You can turn away from those challenges and go play video games, or you can meet those challenges head on, despite the fear, and accomplish them. That is when you get self esteem.

God loves you either way. But God also pushes you to become more like His Son. That means getting out of your comfort zone and accomplishing the tasks He has set before you. You can choose to do them or not, it's up to you. But when you face those giants, like David did, you will gain self esteem.

God's love and self esteem are not the same.

Michael03101985 said:

I've heard the associate pastor at my church give a few sermons around the same theme. He's a big believer that the knowledge of God's love for us is incredibly powerful and very personally uplifting, and I've often wondered why it doesn't make me feel that way. I've heard that same argument in taking comfort because God loves us here too, and found it no less absurd. And I think I've finally figured out where that line of thinking falls apart.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

This is why that doesn't work. Such a refrain is extremely significant to the theme of eternal salvation, but does nothing for low self-worth. It means that God's love is unconditional, and not based on our own merits. Essentially, we get it by just showing up, and our personality and talents and skills are irrelevant. It's the same thing with our families. They love us for just being us, and nothing else matters. I'm not saying these things aren't meaningful in themselves, but when they are so unconditional and automatic, as far as self-worth goes, I say "BIG DEAL!!"

To me, friendships and romance and even work are infinitely more meaningful to one's self esteem because they are based on characteristics and skills that are unique to the person, and not automatically granted by just showing up. Our friends would not keep us around if there were not attractive qualities about us that were attractive. Our coworkers and bosses would not want us working for and with them if we didn't have talents and personality that made us good at our jobs. But being loved for just showing up? That's no good at all...

Click to expand...

Oh gosh, I can so relate to how you feel. I have never felt good about myself for the things that make me unique, the things that make me "me". In fact, I have honestly felt all my life that everyone around me has tried to stamp out everything about me that is different, quirky, fun etc. I agree. Sometimes you only feel worthy because of the job you're doing, or what you're providing to someone else in a friendship, or supporting your partner etc.

Well said.