He acts like a child

[Violetsrblue]

So my husband only goes to work and doesn't do much else. He doesn't believe he should have to do anything else. I make him breakfast every morning. Then he goes to work. While he's at work I also have a job that I go to, as well as getting our kids out the door to school. I get home before he does and I do some housekeeping then fix dinner. He usually comes in just as I've finished dinner so he eats with the family and then after dinner he plays Xbox until he goes to bed. He doesn't really talk to us much at dinner time and even less after dinner. He'll yell at the TV occasionally which irritates all of us. He doesn't talk to our daughter at all. She basically doesn't exist. If he's talking to our son, it's usually just to fuss at him about his grades or some other indiscretion. When I try to talk to him, it's obvious that he wants it over as quickly as possible. He interrupts me constantly and just says, "Yes, yes, yes, whatever." in the most condescending tone. And he never, ever touches me unless it's for sex.

The whole situation is kind of depressing. Surely this isn't the way it should be. There's got to be more than this.

 

[swordsman]

Does he consider himself to be a Christian?

He is responsible for the upbringing of his family. Wife and kids. I remember listening to a sermon by a preacher called Paul Washer, talking about biblical manhood. Easy to find on youtube. Changed how I deal with my wife, and he's right... if you biblically follow your responsibilities as a man and husband, the only thing you ever want to do at the end of the day, is go to sleep, because it is HARD and TIRING!

...it is rewarding though!

Have you thought about taking his xbox away?

 

[mkgal1]

Have you thought about taking his xbox away?

Doesn't that promote the role of him being a child---and then her being his mother?

 

[puregrl]

I can understand your frustrations. It seems like yall are just two adults..more or less for him...living under the same roof. That is an awful place for a marriage to be. When you start the conversation about what is going on how do you start it? Do you say a lot of "i feel this or that" or does it have "you do this or dont do that", or a combo of both? It is easy to say the wrong thing when we are stressed, or even in an accusatory way. He either sounds apathetic toward the issues or shuts down.

 

[annafullofgrace]

Is he Christian? Have you guys gone to counseling or say down and talked about this?

 

[swordsman]

Doesn't that promote the role of him being a child---and then her being his mother?

I wouldn't say "promote", but rather "demote".

Men shouldn't need the Xbox. We have too much work to do.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Sounds like alot of marriages today. Technology has really changed how marriage works. Cell phones, gaming systems, the internet, tv.... they are so distracting. I'd defiantly get marriage counseling because at this point it sounds like your just the maid who can give him sex when he needs it. >.<

 

[Autumnleaf]

Do you treat him with respect in front of the children when he is there and when he is not?

Hint: If you don't, then he's probably given up on making you happy.

If I had to guess I'd say your daughter sides with you in dissing him.

Of course I could be wrong.

 

[Violetsrblue]

He is a Christian, or at least he professes to be. I can't read his heart and it's not my job. He is very spotty about church attendance, but you don't have to go to church necessarily to be a Christian.

I've discussed counseling several times and he's absolutely against it. Apparently he tried it with his first wife and according to him it ended up being an hour of bashing him.

Taking the xbox away would just cause more problems because he would sulk and complain that he's bored. This is what happens when one of the kids is using it or wants the TV.

Autumnleaf probably hit it closest. I'm not sure that I do treat him with respect. I don't know if it was a case of I disrespected him and he gave up or he never tried so I stopped respecting him. This has been going on for a very long time and time has muddled things some. I don't know if our daughter joins in. For the most part she keeps to herself and doesn't really talk much at all so I don't think so.

I'll try to start working on that more and see what happens.

 

[Inkachu]

So my husband only goes to work and doesn't do much else. He doesn't believe he should have to do anything else. I make him breakfast every morning. Then he goes to work. While he's at work I also have a job that I go to, as well as getting our kids out the door to school. I get home before he does and I do some housekeeping then fix dinner. He usually comes in just as I've finished dinner so he eats with the family and then after dinner he plays Xbox until he goes to bed. He doesn't really talk to us much at dinner time and even less after dinner. He'll yell at the TV occasionally which irritates all of us. He doesn't talk to our daughter at all. She basically doesn't exist. If he's talking to our son, it's usually just to fuss at him about his grades or some other indiscretion. When I try to talk to him, it's obvious that he wants it over as quickly as possible. He interrupts me constantly and just says, "Yes, yes, yes, whatever." in the most condescending tone. And he never, ever touches me unless it's for sex.

The whole situation is kind of depressing. Surely this isn't the way it should be. There's got to be more than this.

There's a lot more going on here than a childish husband. The way he treats/ignores your children is unacceptable and needs to stop ASAP. I would suggest marital counseling, and possibly family counseling for all of you. There are some serious things going on here.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I got like that for a while. For me, it was stress. I was so stressed out when I got home from work, all I could do was maybe game for a while before bed. Everything else bored me. I would literally yawn fiercely if I was doing anything else like trying to talk to my wife or spend time with my child. I closed myself off almost completely. And I felt bad about doing that, which made me feel even worse.
My solution was to take a comprehensive look at my whole life and turn it upside down and make changes. I got my sleep on track. I worked on my diet...even lost weight. If I only have a couple hours to spend, I don't turn on my computer. I watch a tv show with my wife or hang out with the family. And I make time to do chores around the house.

But it was all my choice. I doubt anything my wife said to me made any difference. I did get some encouraging from friends, and that really helped.

I hope my input at least gave you a bit of insight.

 

[JSmalls]

Tough spot to be in...I've felt the same way towards my wife. I feel like the main things we are called to do as believers are to continue loving the other unconditionally as Christ loves us, as our faithful behavior even when the others actions don't merit it may speak into the life of your spouse. Along with talk to them and tell them how you feel and praying of course. It takes time...and it gets hard day by day, but no one ever said this faith walk was a cake walk...

 

[bluegreysky]

If that were MY husband, if the means fell into line, I'd book a long weekend at resort or a lake house THAT WAS OFF THE GRID (so no videogames or internets) and I'd put those kids up with my family and take the guy in the car and drive him out there and make him spend the 3 days with me. I'd even trick him if I had to- tell him we were going to a videogame convention. hahaha

Once we get to the lake house, he'd probably pout and complain and hate me but.... I'd spend the next 3 days doing the "Fireproof" thing on him or something from one of those marriage books and also praying alot out loud so he could hear me and then a healthy dose of reminding him why he's with me- "remember our first date?" "Remember when you proposed?" "remember when our kids were born?" eventually, he would crack.

 

[strwy]

I agree with "walks with CHRIST"
As a CHRISTian it is his duty as an adult male to change for the positive and be CHRIST-like in the process.The WORLD says: "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." or they won't change but GOD says CHRISTians can change if they desire .
He should try to make a positive change for the benefit of your marriage .
My husband is VERY macho I pray for his salvation because he is not a CHRISTian. He wants others to think he is .
I try to be the best example possible as a CHRISTian wife .

My prayers are with you , your husband and your daughter .

 

[annafullofgrace]

You are correct...you cannot read his heart.. BUT-as a Christian man, he has duties to fulfill. Men need respect and women need emotion...I'd suggest both of you study Ephesians 5. Two books that my husband and I enjoy are..For Men Only and For Women Only.

He is a Christian, or at least he professes to be. I can't read his heart and it's not my job. He is very spotty about church attendance, but you don't have to go to church necessarily to be a Christian.

I've discussed counseling several times and he's absolutely against it. Apparently he tried it with his first wife and according to him it ended up being an hour of bashing him.

Taking the xbox away would just cause more problems because he would sulk and complain that he's bored. This is what happens when one of the kids is using it or wants the TV.

Autumnleaf probably hit it closest. I'm not sure that I do treat him with respect. I don't know if it was a case of I disrespected him and he gave up or he never tried so I stopped respecting him. This has been going on for a very long time and time has muddled things some. I don't know if our daughter joins in. For the most part she keeps to herself and doesn't really talk much at all so I don't think so.

I'll try to start working on that more and see what happens.