So while I believe Jesus, and I love Jesus, I find a lot of the things that are "connected" to Jesus in Church traditions and so on to be.. bland, unenjoyable, just outright dull.
I enjoy the bible, but reading other Christian books.. doesn't catch me, I still have a taste for Fantasy and Sci Fi when it comes to books and movies. "Escapism" in general is a particular stronghold. I don't like this broken world and want to be anywhere but where I am, but I do enjoy fantastical other places created by this world.
and when I tried to get rid of worldly music, admittedly some of the stuff I enjoy is very much not Christian (I mean like, Death Metal of all things- I like the intensity of it, and I think it's probably best that I never bother looking up the lyrics and best that I don't understand the vocals and treat them just as another instrument, but I know I probably just shouldn't listen to it at all), it just feels like I can't enjoy music at all, because I find praise and worship music.... "like the soundtrack to a coma" There's just no "drive" to it. I try to compromise with purely instrumental music sometimes but.. I know that's not cutting it.
Is ultimately it just part of bearing my own cross that I just find no satisfaction or enjoyment in anything I'm allowed to do?
I mean I'm not literally self flagellating but that's what it feels like to try and let go of things I enjoy
A scripture that helped me, as well as millions, who were once of this world, is Psalm 97:10.
First, once I developed a love for God, I wanted to do what pleased him, and not what hurt him, and so, I developed a hatred for the things that were bad, in his eyes.
Once I developed that hatred, it was easy to let go of all those things.
I felt a strong hatred for them to the point that I did not like to see persons loving them, and that even moved me to try to encourage them away from them.
Of course, without that love for God, and godly fear, letting go of these things, will not be easy, so there is a need to develop that love, and fear of God.
What helped me in that area, was reading God's word daily, and reflecting on what I read, which revealed the need for me to be, not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word - applying it.
James 1:22-25
22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
I so much enjoyed trying to help others come to know and love God, that I could not see myself doing the very things that others were doing, and at the same time knowing that these things were wrong in God's eyes, and not letting the persons I shared the gospel with, know this.
I would feel like a hypocrite.
Romans 2:19-24
19 and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of babes, having the form of knowledge and truth in the law. 21 You, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that a man should not steal, do you steal? 22 You who say, “Do not commit adultery,” do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? 23 You who make your boast in the law, do you dishonor God through breaking the law? 24 For “the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you,” as it is written.
This also greatly helped, because the more I shared the gospel, the more I realized I had to live in a way that showed I believed the gospel.
To claim that I believed the gospel, when I was not living my life in subjection to the gospel, would be fooling myself.
I don't regret my choice to give up the things of this world, because I realize that doing so sets us free as Jesus said (John 8:31, 32), and we are no longer slaves - slaves to sin, and of course, the Devil, who dangles the bait, to keep us in slavery to that sin.
Romans 6:1-7, 15-23
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? 3 Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? 4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
5 For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. 7 For he who has died has been freed from sin.
15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! 16 Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? 17 But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. 18 And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. 19 I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness.
20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. 22 But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Knowing that I am in in relationship with God, and have his approval is the greatest feeling I have ever had, because I feel the love of God, and experience his blessings, which brings happiness... more happiness than anything this world can offer.
In fact, the things in this world brings more misery, when you sit and think about it... at least that is what my experience was, because you have a conscience that is not clear, and can't approach God with freedom and confidence - Ephesians 3:12; you feel like you wasted your money and your time... at least I do.
So, it felt like letting go was actually a protection for me. Not to mention, from the hidden traps that we do not see, which are in the music and movies we feed our minds with.
I really got to taste and see that the LORD
is good, and have been blessed, or gained happiness for doing so. Psalm 34:8
(And yes, I have a taste, too, for various forms of Heavy Metal, but that's a digression).
