Having Expensive "Taste" a Sin

[favoredbyGod]

I love to shop! (What female doesn't?)
My friend just recently quit talking to me because she says that I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and some restaurants (Its not even that much money in reality).

What is it any of her business?

I live alone, I am in grad school and my parents supply my income as well as pay my bills, my parents aren't complaining.
She says that I "have it too easy". She is always lecturing me about the money that she thinks "I don't have".


she says that she has to work and save up and it bothers her and she can no longer be my friend.

I don't even bring up money issues around her, she takes it upon herself when visiting to snoop around in my closet.

Advice?

 

[christandisrael]

Love your friend still, but although she may not like you as much before, keep her/him in your heart. That is the best that you can do. Remember, that he/she is your brother/sister.

 

[bsd31]

I love to shop! (What female doesn't?)
My friend just recently quit talking to me because she says that I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and some restaurants (Its not even that much money in reality).

What is it any of her business?

I live alone, I am in grad school and my parents supply my income as well as pay my bills, my parents aren't complaining.
She says that I "have it too easy". She is always lecturing me about the money that she thinks "I don't have".


she says that she has to work and save up and it bothers her and she can no longer be my friend.

I don't even bring up money issues around her, she takes it upon herself when visiting to snoop around in my closet.

Advice?

From a world view I'd tell her to butt out. From a Christian view I'd ask if the money your parents are spending on you is honoring to God? Are the things you buy necessity or are they fleshly pleasure? That's something only you can answer and it's just between you and God.

I understand where she's coming from in a way. When you have to work for every penny you have and then you see people who seem to have everything handed to them it's hard not to get bitter over it. Especially when they live in excess using the money that is given to them. It's just human nature.

 

[Macx]

I told this story in another thread but it will serve as an example in this one:

The purpose of being a light, is to shine where there is darkness. To go to those places God has given us to do whatever ministry he equips us for. I remember in Seminary, a friend from the North East, money, country club set. . . you know, someone you wouldn't think I'd get on with. Funny thing was, he was as aware as I, that God had put him in that position, with that background and breeding so that he could minister the Gospel to the "well to do" . . . probably a harder group to reach than my homeless/addict/nutcases, 'cause by and large they don't think anything needs to change! So we found ourselves in a place of mutual respect, each of us called to the opposite extreme & able to understand the unique ministries on the fringes. I could never witness to the country club folks, I'd never get in their gated communites to get a word in. He, would get mugged, maybe raped, probably killed if he went witnessing where I am comfortable. I Cor 9:

19For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more.
20To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law;
21to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law.
22To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
​

I challenge the notion that all Christians must wear Ned Flanders outfits. It doesn't seem to line up with Scripture.

Here I was talking about Christians from two VERY different backgrounds and socio-economic positions. I am happiest when I am among Bikers, or the homeless, in the dark of night, in the alleys, on the track, under the bridge, with the ragged fringe. That isn't the sum total of who needs the Gospel though & I am best suited to some specific ministries. My friend likewise. In order for the Gospel to be heard by some people, they need to be approached in the right kind of clothes, in the right clubs, and able to converse on the right small talk. Neither ministry is more valid, both are important. As Christians, it is NOT right for us to assume we are all to flock to the soup kitchens and ignore anyone not poor.

Matt 6

16`And when ye may fast, be ye not as the hypocrites, of sour countenances, for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear to men fasting; verily I say to you, that they have their reward.
17`But thou, fasting, anoint thy head, and wash thy face,
18that thou mayest not appear to men fasting, but to thy Father who [is] in secret, and thy Father, who is seeing in secret, shall reward thee manifestly.
19`Treasure not up to yourselves treasures on the earth, where moth and rust disfigure, and where thieves break through and steal,
20but treasure up to yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth disfigure, and where thieves do not break through nor steal, 21for where your treasure is, there will be also your heart.

I say all that, to say, so long as you are doing Gods work in the place that He has put you . . . go for it. I think your friend is in the wrong. You don't have to hide your wealth to be a Christian. It is what you do with what you are given that matters. You can't take it with you, so enjoy it . . . be a good steward of the blessings you ahve recieved. Don't forget to do your job of shining the light of the Gospel . . . but beyond that . .. I don't see anything to feel guilty about.

 

[heron]

Be careful that you are not expecting her to spend money she doesn't have.

 

[Macx]

When I read the OP,

I love to shop! (What female doesn't?

)
My friend just recently quit talking to me because she says that I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and some restaurants (Its not even that much money in reality).

What is it any of her business?

I live alone, I am in grad school and my parents supply my income as well as pay my bills, my parents aren't complaining.
She says that I "have it too easy".

It sounds like she has a handle on her budget. Given that her parents are paying all, surely they'd say something if they found themselves uncomfortable.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I dont expect her to spend what she doesnt have. As I've stated before, what I spend is my business, just like what she spends is her business. I never mention money, she simply sees the items and she knows that I am not working.


I am generous to her (and she doesn't seem to have a problem then or when she needs to borrow money) and I am generous to others as well.

I dont believe I have to live the way she wants me to simply because she has to work for every penny...
She just assumes that what I spend, I dont have because I dont work, but she doesnt know my financial situation and I never mention it.

 

[SportsJunkie25]

I love to shop! (What female doesn't?)
My friend just recently quit talking to me because she says that I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and some restaurants (Its not even that much money in reality).

What is it any of her business?

I live alone, I am in grad school and my parents supply my income as well as pay my bills, my parents aren't complaining.
She says that I "have it too easy". She is always lecturing me about the money that she thinks "I don't have".


she says that she has to work and save up and it bothers her and she can no longer be my friend.

I don't even bring up money issues around her, she takes it upon herself when visiting to snoop around in my closet.

Advice?

Basically, she's jealous of you so it's a good thing she removed herself from your life. Trust me--You don't want a jealous friend. I used to have a friend that was jealous of me and it was annoying. She was jealous b/c my parents would help me with anything I needed...anytime. She isn't close to her parents so she's all on her own. I can picture her jealous eyes right now *shivers* lol

 

[Romanseight2005]

I would pray about it. Obviously it is jealousy because even if you were in the wrong, and she felt led to let you know, it would have been said in a much different way. She wouldn't have wanted to stop being your friend, and she would have gently asked you an appropriate question, at the appropriate time to help you see it. What I mean is if you were not able to do something you needed to do like buy a school book, or pay a bill, etc. and she saw you spending money on something indulgent, then she might gently ask you if that money might not be able to pay for the book, bill whatever, and even then it would be done prayerfully to make sure it was right to say anything at all. Furthermore, if she hasn't seen you buy the clothes, and has simply seen them in the closet, then how does she know that God hasn't wonderfully given them to you. I hardly ever buy clothes because very nice clothes, nicer than I would ever buy myself, are given to me frequently. I'm not kidding. People I work with, or people I don't know well will walk up to me and ask me if I want some clothes. It happens so much I don't have room for it all, but the clothes are new or like new, stylish, and fit perfectly. People are continually asking me where I got something because it's so pretty, or whatever, and I boldly tell them that God has graciously supplied it. So the point that I am making is that someone could wonder how I could afford the clothes I have, not realizing that God provides them. I think your friend is simply covetous. Just take it all to God and lay it at His feet.

 

[andreha]

Yup, it sounds like she's jealous. She has no right to tell you how to spend your money. Tell her that you have the right to spend your money any way you please, and that your parents have the right to tell you what to do - not she. If she doesn't want to be your friend, let her go. But do pray for her...

Basically, she's jealous of you so it's a good thing she removed herself from your life. Trust me--You don't want a jealous friend. I used to have a friend that was jealous of me and it was annoying. She was jealous b/c my parents would help me with anything I needed...anytime. She isn't close to her parents so she's all on her own. I can picture her jealous eyes right now *shivers* lol

 

[scrofford]

Jealous. And if she is going to be so shallow as to not be your friend because of the way you spend your money, you don't need that. Period

 

[Rocklee]

I love to shop! (What female doesn't?)
My friend just recently quit talking to me because she says that I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, purses and some restaurants (Its not even that much money in reality).

What is it any of her business?

I live alone, I am in grad school and my parents supply my income as well as pay my bills, my parents aren't complaining.
She says that I "have it too easy". She is always lecturing me about the money that she thinks "I don't have".


she says that she has to work and save up and it bothers her and she can no longer be my friend.

I don't even bring up money issues around her, she takes it upon herself when visiting to snoop around in my closet.

Advice?

I know people have brought up jealousy but I'll go the other way.

Do you openly talk about shopping and going out to your friend to the point that maybe its not all that relevant to her?

How do you feel about people who don't have what you have?

If you had kids would it be alright for them to ask you to pay their bills and give them an allowance way after their teenage years?

This is a very very common issue especially in churches where some people think they have what they have because of God's blessings, however do we need to openly show our blessings to others? Does it make other people uncomfortable or is that their problem?

There are those who live for the moment and those who save for the future, neither is the best or wrong solution, they are just solutions! But we should all be living every moment for Christ in every day that he gives us for humanity and we should be thankful of that.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Rocklee,

As I've stated before I dont bring up anything around her, because it is none of her business. My money and business are my personal affairs. As for my parents, they do those things for me because they are proud of what I have accomplished in school and have no problem with doing so. LETS GET THIS RIGHT, I DONT ASK MY PARENTS FOR ANYTHING, THEY FREELY GIVE TO ME...THEY ARE ABLE TOO and I wont feel guilty because Im blessed.

I dont have to live like a pauper so that I can please others, get real!

With me it is not about having and not having, if thats the case I would not have been friends with her for 10 years.
I have friends that are in worse shape than she is, living in ghettos, etc and we get along fine. I don't have to go around saying what I do for them because God already knows and I thats why I am blessed because of my selfLESS actions, I have went above and beyond.

My "friend" assumes that I dont have the money for the things that I purchase. Like the place where I live, she knows that my parents pay the bills and I dont work and that simply annoys her.
As I've stated before, If she is so annoyed, then when it comes time to borrow money from me..all of a sudden the annoyances are gone.

I believe she is intimated and thats not my fault or problem. What I have realized is that you dont have to do much to make people have a problem with you. People can hate you for your skin color, intelligence, for what you have or for what u dont have.

I just have learned you can't please everybody and why be sorry that the Lord has placed my parents to be a blessing to me, as well as to my friend and to a whole lot of other people throught our community known and unknown.

Simply put...my finances are MY BUSINESS!

 

[Romanseight2005]

I don't see your parents giving you those things, or the means to get them yourself as being any different than my clothes which are frequently offered to me from others. I also don't ask for them. Would your friend turn down someone offering her really neat clothes that fit her perfectly? Would she think it was wrong to receive their gifts with thankfulness? Maybe she is actually angry at God for not giving her the same gifts in some way, I don't know, but I would pray for her to have a thankful heart that recognizes all of those blessings that God has given her, and to stop begrudging you the gifts He's given you through your parents.

 

[Macx]

I dont have to live like a pauper so that I can please others, get real!

Simply put...my finances are MY BUSINESS!

I agree on both counts. I'm sorry you lost a friend, but better to have lost her and know why than to have her hanging on and maybe cutting on you behind your back or disappear from your life and you don't know why. Anyway, sorry for the loss & it is a loss, but it isn't your fault.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Thanks guys...I hate that I lost my best friend, but I guess it worked out the way it was supposed to. I only got calls whenever she needed financial help anyway, which was a red flag, but she insisted thats what friends are supposed to do.

 

[Rocklee]

Sorry but it usually takes 2 parties to cause a disagreement, and the same 2 parties to make an agreement. It seems that you didn't like my opinions and that's fine, its just my perspective if I was in someone else's shoes (your friend's). Sometimes, I would ask Jesus what he would have done, would he be on your side her side or my side? Actually he would be on everyone's side, be more like him

The way I see it, I think its not just about your friend here, you guys need to talk and clear it up. A 10 year friendship is a long time as most people don't have that, and I think just because you have other blessings to count on doesn't mean that you can just let this one go.

 

[favoredbyGod]

U cant force a friendship, if the other person doesnt want to be friends despite my attempts, then there is nothing that I can do. Its a lost, but Life goes on.

 

[scrofford]

Rocklee,

As I've stated before I dont bring up anything around her, because it is none of her business. My money and business are my personal affairs. As for my parents, they do those things for me because they are proud of what I have accomplished in school and have no problem with doing so. LETS GET THIS RIGHT, I DONT ASK MY PARENTS FOR ANYTHING, THEY FREELY GIVE TO ME...THEY ARE ABLE TOO and I wont feel guilty because Im blessed.

I dont have to live like a pauper so that I can please others, get real!

With me it is not about having and not having, if thats the case I would not have been friends with her for 10 years.
I have friends that are in worse shape than she is, living in ghettos, etc and we get along fine. I don't have to go around saying what I do for them because God already knows and I thats why I am blessed because of my selfLESS actions, I have went above and beyond.

My "friend" assumes that I dont have the money for the things that I purchase. Like the place where I live, she knows that my parents pay the bills and I dont work and that simply annoys her.
As I've stated before, If she is so annoyed, then when it comes time to borrow money from me..all of a sudden the annoyances are gone.

I believe she is intimated and thats not my fault or problem. What I have realized is that you dont have to do much to make people have a problem with you. People can hate you for your skin color, intelligence, for what you have or for what u dont have.

I just have learned you can't please everybody and why be sorry that the Lord has placed my parents to be a blessing to me, as well as to my friend and to a whole lot of other people throught our community known and unknown.

Simply put...my finances are MY BUSINESS!

Well it looks like you answered your own question...and you are right! One question though...have you tried talking to your friend about this? I know its not her business but if she understood, maybe she would stop the attitude...just a thought because I think its sad to lose a friend over something like money...and what I mean by talking to her is have you sat her down and had a heart to heart? If you have, then you have done all you can. Pray for her and ask God to work it out.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Yes Ive talked with her and she told me she wants me to get a job because she doesnt have it easy and she cant afford school because she has to work. She feels like we are going in 2 seperate directions. Only she makes all of this a big deal.

I've encouraged her to go to school and finally she is in school, but her parents wont help her and I think that she is a bit resentful.