Having an angry evening...

[JillLars]

I am having a frustrating evening.  I am really angry with my boyfriend.  So, here's the deal.  We have an apt. and its pretty messy right now.  (it gets that way a lot).  He always says things like "we really need to do the dishes" or "we need to do the laundry" or comments like "it's so gross in here" or "those dishes smell".  Well, when he makes these comments, saying "we" I get the distinct impression that he means I should do these things.  So, I say something like "I will do them tonight" but then I don't.  So last night he made a comment "we will clean in the morning" so I reminded him that we had to go somewhere at noon, (hint hint, come to bed so we can clean in the morning).  But he stayed up till 2:30 and I knew he wouldn't wake up early.  So when I woke up this morning, I thought about cleaning, but was so angry that I just didn't.  Its exactly what happened last weekend.  This is such a dumb thing to fight about, but its makin me mad.  What makes me even angrier is that I try to talk to him about it, and then I leave the room or something, and he just carries on like nothing happened.  He won't come and see if I'm alright, or do anything to try and make the situation better, so I end up apologizing for being angry, and then really just getting angrier.  He is taking a nap right now, while I am still fuming.  I should get some cleaning done right now, but I'd probably break the dishes   

Ok, that's my rant, sorry I am just needing to vent, any advice on how I can handle this?  I am going to clean, but I know I'm gonna be angry about it when I'm done.

 

[psycmajor]

Sounds like he's trying to act like it's not solely your role to do the dishes, but in fact he really does believe that it's only your duty and not his. I think he's pretending that he's willing to take responsibility to do the dishes while not following through on his implied intentions. So you don't get angry with him. But you obviously see right through it!

Perhaps you could say, "Let's do the dishes together! Come over here and help me." And don't do anything unless he's willing to make the work 50/50.

Or, you could say, "If the dirty dishes bother you that much, why don't YOU go wash them?" I'd be interested to hear his reply to that.

 

[JillLars]

lol psych, I will give those a try. I don't think he thinks its my responsibility, I just think he's too lazy to do them with me, but then again, I'm more lazy than he is, so I'm not sure what he's trying to accomplish by telling me to do them, haha. We are quite the pair. Uffda. I'm feeling better already though.

 

[psycmajor]

Just talking from my own experience; it's not always right, though!

Glad you're feeling better.

 

[kimmee]