Having a Tough Day

[Hermit7]

Sorry for bringing this up, since a lot of you know me for "asking" things:

You see, I've been pretty good with my OCD in these past few days once the holidays came.

But just today, I've suddenly hit two major obstacles:

1.) I went to the wine store to use a gift card that I got for Christmas to buy a wine bottle opener. I couldn't find it at first, but after some looking I eventually did find it. For some reason, I was scared that if I bought it I would be bargaining away my salvation for it. And at that moment, I tested God to see that if it was real or not. Well, the test didn't come out as perfect as I thought. So I resolved to purchase the opener and test God later (I know it's bad, but my OCD is merciless to me). Well, as I was signing for the gift debit card, I felt that I was making a vow not to test God or else I'll lose my salvation.

Now my mind is tied in knots because of this. Keeping and using the wine bottle opener is okay, right? God won't condemn my salvation for it?

2.) A little later after that incident, I came home and tried to print out a health insurance compensation form for my therapy on my dad's computer (which is ultra slow). I guess at a few points I became frustrated with how slow everything was taking. I eventually printed out the form, but I think I might have bargained my salvation/blasphemed God in the process (not clear how). I just don't know. Are any of these real? I don't want ot lose my salvation.

On an unrelated (or maybe related) note do any of you know if "Lunesta" can increase a person's OCD or not? I've been taking Trazedone and I stopped my Lunesta for two days. But just last night I took it again. And now my OCD seems a little stronger today. Any drug buffs out there?

-Hermit

 

[Danny34]

Thank God I found this website: Does Lunesta cause Ocd (Obsessive-compulsive disorder)? A study by eHealthMe.com

This website has the answer for you about your Lunesta and OCD question, and it pretty much shows that a few people did show OCD "side effects" but mostly in the first month of taking Lunesta.

And about your situation, I used to make deals with God or ask him to test me but it just made my OCD worse and spike more, so then I just stopped and guess what? I'm free from those thoughts just because I stopped myself from doing them. And the only thing on how to beat your thoughts would be to BELIEVE that your salvation is on your hands(or whatever you believe), because in reality it is not up to you. I can blaspheme God and tell Him to send me to hell, but He won't. It's just that you have to build a relationship with God and build yourself to trust in Him, that way those thoughts will go away. In fact, that's another way I beat the "making deals" and "test me God" thoughts, I fully believe He was the one that set me free from these stupid thoughts.

I can't tell you if it will take you a week or a month for these thoughts to go away from the way I told you how I beat them, but I know IT WORKS.

I don't know if you saw my other thread about Religious OCD and Scrupulosity, I'll repost on it so you can see it or just go to my profile and look it up(it will help you).

 

[Hermit7]

Thanks Danny for the reply.

Overall, I think the Lunesta might be a culprit. But I'll keep looking.

Overall, I unfortunately had another OCD spike, where I had a thought in my mind that if I went ahead and did something bad, then I any response I get from this forum I would have to ignore (or God won't speak to me through this forum).

I unfortunately did that thing, but I've confessed that sin, but I still fear that thought was real. I believe it's not, but part of me still does (worrrried).

BTW Danny, so do you mean that salvation IS in my hands?

-Hermit

 

[Danny34]

Thanks Danny for the reply.

Overall, I think the Lunesta might be a culprit. But I'll keep looking.

Overall, I unfortunately had another OCD spike, where I had a thought in my mind that if I went ahead and did something bad, then I any response I get from this forum I would have to ignore (or God won't speak to me through this forum).

I unfortunately did that thing, but I've confessed that sin, but I still fear that thought was real. I believe it's not, but part of me still does (worrrried).

BTW Danny, so do you mean that salvation IS in my hands?

-Hermit

Not LITERALLY in your hands, like simply saying "I choose to not be saved". You are already saved through Christ Jesus, He will always forgive you. ALWAYS. But its your choice if you want to be of this world everyday, and through His grace you are forgiven everyday. I can't be perfect in this world, neither can't you. We can't go through the day without sinning, that's impossible. Again, please look at my Religious OCD and Scrupulosity thread I made with two websites that will definetly kill those thoughts you have.