Having a rough morning/night

[GreyWolf]

Hey guys. I know my last message was very positive, so I hope I don't disappoint any one by this message. I am feeling better than I was, but I still need support.

I know, in my mind, that this will pass, and that i want to live. But my emotions are so strong, my mind is telling me to to hurt myself. To self injure, and risk my life by doing stupid, dangerous things. Please keep praying for me, because despite the fact that I want to fight, I have not been handling these temptations all that well. I could still use prayers and support.

I think I'll be ok, but I am still hurting in the here and now. So please keep in contact, this is a very hard time I am going though.

I am very grateful for the support I've recieved, I care about all of you, and I hope to be your friend for life and be on this forum for a long time.

But right now I am still hurting and still need support.

Thanks.

 

[Soulwings]

Hang tough, love. I'm glad you know now that these feelings will pass... you've just got to wait it through. I understand the temptation(s) and how hard they are to resist... so, well, just wanted to let you know that I really do understand.

Abba, please hold GreyWolf in Your arms this morning, this afternoon, today and forever; give her Your comfort, guide her with Your wisdom, and strengthen her with the strength that only You can provide. In Your Name, amen.

 

[Worddancer]

There is just something immeasurably helpful in knowing there is someone out there who cares enough to be praying for you when you need it most. May you sense those prayers like great warm comforting hands cradling you and holding you up.

 

[youthwalk]

Hold on and trust that it'll be better soon.

Sounds like mania so let someone you trust know so they can look out for you a bit. Keep in mind that these episodes come and go (though it may not be easy to remember right now) so struggle through and know that you have support!

Praying for you.

 

[GreyWolf]

I really want to be ok, but I don't understand why, knowing that things should get better, I still feel the wish to die. It doesn't make much sense. It's like my brain knows one thing, but my emotions are screaming at me to hurt myself. I am going to keep calling friends and posting, to get through it. But there is like, this little voice saying "No matter what the doctor says, it will never get better. Give up!" I am not sure I believe in Satan, but it really feels like someone is whispering in my ear.

Please keep praying, I'll keep updating. Hopefully things will get better soon.

 

[youthwalk]

I actually understand what you are saying. I understand why you say it doesn't make sense, I have often felt that way.

What has happened with me is that as quickly as they began, they stopped. And I thought to myself, "why would I have felt that way??". It makes even less sense afterwards. But it is the nature of bipolar.

Don't beat yourself up for what you are feeling. And certainly don't hurt yourself.

As my doctor says "ride it out". Try, as best as possible, to not react to what you feel like doing. Permit only constructive things or nothing at all.

Tell those whispers, I know how persistent they can be, to shut up. Scream, cry, shout and talk to a friend...but it'll be ok.

Still praying.

 

[Thekla]

hey, GreyWolf - our prayers continue ! (my children are praying for you, too ) feelings are hard to combat. But feelings are not the only way we have of knowing - and feelings are not right or wrong, just information about how we are responding to what we experience. Try not to let your feelings become what you experience; they are commentary. I'm sorry this is so hard right now ! I'll keep checking in

 

[Maximovitch]

O holy Father, heavenly Physician of our souls and bodies, who hast sent thine Only-begotten Son our Lord Jesus Christ to heal all our ailments and deliver us from death: do thou visit and heal thy servant GeryWolf, granting her release from pain and restoration to health and vigor, that she may give thanks unto thee and bless thy holy Name, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

May the Lord God protect you and preserve you during this difficult time, GreyWolf.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Hi Greywolf! I'm glad to see you're still posting here, sharing what's going on in your life. I don't know if you know this about me, but I am an INFP personality type. That stands for Introverter, iNtuitive, Feeler, Perceiver--so yep I'm an emotional-type person myself! One of the things that drives me nuts is when my head knows one thing is true but my feelings feel completely different (for example, if my head knows for a fact that my dear hubby loves me, but my feelings feel all unlovable and like no one loves me). That happens for me all the time and it's so frustrating! But when that happens to me, what I try to do is kind of what you're doing. Talk to friends, maybe do something else to take my mind off how I feel, keep telling myself over and over that I AM loved and this will pass, and sometimes I'll ask hubby if he'll say it out loud too cuz that helps. But the main thing is that I realize that feelings just are feelings. They exist and I can feel them, but they also subside and change, and I can usually "ride the storm out" and just allow myself to feel it but know that it may be a little while but it WILL end.

Grey, maybe you have some things that are legitimate to feel sad or hurt about. Maybe some things in your life are painful and it reasonable to feel hurt! But when my feelings start to seem as if they are "louder" than what my head knows is true--write a post-it note and put that note right in front of your face! Yes... I admit I actually DO that! But it helps! LOL

So keep coming and posting and we'll keep praying--and together we'll all weather this storm.


~Faithful

 

[Alive again]

Yep, I am praying as well. I know that knowing what trigger an episode is not the same as being over the episode!

 

[GreyWolf]

Just checking in to say I'm ok and hanging in there. Thanks for all your prayers. I hung out at the library today so that I wasn't stuck at home all lonely and depressed. I think it was a good, safe move.

I'll keep you all updated.

Thanks so much for your prayers!!

 

[FaithfulWife]

<---Where's Greywolf in this pic?

Can you find her??

 

[Thekla]

GreyWolf -

that was a brilliant idea; good for you

hope you got some sun, too -- it was a gorgeous day here in Pa. ,not too hot, hope also where you are.

 

[GreyWolf]

I did something else today too.

I mentioned that over the past few days, I had been contemplating suicide. I had something in my possesion that I was going to use to take my life.

I had decided NOT to kill myself, or at least PRETTY MUCH decided not to, but I have still been holding onto that dangerous thing. For days.

Well...I got rid of it tonight. It's gone. I am truly acting on my choice to live. I really want to live and now do not have the means to kill myself that was sitting here all week.

So I guess you guys are stuck with me.

 

[Thekla]

So I guess you guys are stuck with me.

Thank-you for the honor !!!!

 

[Jere209]

I did something else today too.

I mentioned that over the past few days, I had been contemplating suicide. I had something in my possesion that I was going to use to take my life.

I had decided NOT to kill myself, or at least PRETTY MUCH decided not to, but I have still been holding onto that dangerous thing. For days.

Well...I got rid of it tonight. It's gone. I am truly acting on my choice to live. I really want to live and now do not have the means to kill myself that was sitting here all week.

So I guess you guys are stuck with me.

 

[I'ddie4him2]

I did something else today too.

I mentioned that over the past few days, I had been contemplating suicide. I had something in my possesion that I was going to use to take my life.

I had decided NOT to kill myself, or at least PRETTY MUCH decided not to, but I have still been holding onto that dangerous thing. For days.

Well...I got rid of it tonight. It's gone. I am truly acting on my choice to live. I really want to live and now do not have the means to kill myself that was sitting here all week.

So I guess you guys are stuck with me.

Thats great greywolf, You are making small steps in a positive direction. Keep at it.

I will say this too. Even when I was on my meds and taking 1800 mgs of Lithium every day plus Lexapro, I STILL had thoughts and ideations of suicide. Sometimes several times a day. But, My meds did help alot.
They were less and less as each day passed but they would still pop up on occasion. Those whom bipolar affects may never be completely rid of those thoughts.
The vacilation between the extreme highs and lows can put some truly scary thoughts in our heads.
Try to keep on fighting them the best you can and stay strong.

 

[GreyWolf]

Just checking in to let you know I'm still here and doing much better!

 

[Thekla]

Just checking in to let you know I'm still here and doing much better!

great to hear you're doing better !

thank-you, GreyWolf

 

[Jere209]

Just checking in to let you know I'm still here and doing much better!

I was wondering about you..You've been on my mind and heart all day..