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Eric29

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Hello folks I wont go into complete details but I have ocd and I have been battling it for over two and a half years now and I am just plain sick of it anymore. I have nothing but evil thoughts about God all the time everyday all day long along with mean things about people and sexual things towards women. I am sorry for any women who may read this I mean no disrespect but I have made many wrong choices in life and am now paying for it with the worse to come. I have been getting bad things about Jesus the last few months and it just will not go away anymore. I have scrupples as well and I use to love to read the bible and go to church and other things but now it just makes me sick have the time anymore to even look at a bible and such. Let me just make a long story short I have always felt hated and rejected in life cause no one at school never accpeted me for who I am and so on and so on and I have always felt like an outcast and ever since my ocd got worse and I found out last fall that is what I had my life has been hell. I have lost all faith in Christ and feel like he hates me and will not accept me and will only reject me period regardless of what people tell me I keep telling God unless he will let me know inside nothing will ever get better. I got really mad on the way home cause of all the things and I asked God what am I supposed to do? I asked him what is wrong is it this or that and I get nothing nothing at all and I am so mad at all this. I don't feel like regardless of what I do or say or ask or pray God hates me and just wants to send me to hell period. I got mad and just told God that I can not take it anymore and he can stick it I don't want it anymore The sad part of it is it did not even bother me that much to even say that. My heart towards God and Jesus is so hard its not funny anymore to even try things as far as prayer goes etc. Can anyone relate with this? cheers and happy thangsgiving
Eric
 
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marcb

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Hi Eric,

God loves even the ungodly. It sounds like you are in the throws of ocd and it is affecting negatively how you feel about your faith. I have been through similar struggles and one thing I learned is that our emotions (anger, frustration, sadness) are not an accurate way to assess our relationship with God. God loves us and we have entered into his covenant. He chose us as imperfect as we are and as afflicted as we are. Remember, he believes in us, otherwise there would be no remote desire for us to pursue our imperfect end of the relationship. God will not leave us, or give up on us, particularly over emotional distresses we may feel.

I hope that your faith becomes one that is more joyful and uplifting. You are not being punished by past sins. They are covered and forgiven. Don't minimize the cross and what that has done for us. I had this exact problem, thinking this was due punishment for past sins. There is no punishment from God for sins that are forgiven (hence his willingness to do the ultimate for our forgiveness). Hang in there my friend. Surrender to the Lord and he will cover you.

Marc
 
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