Hating one's own virginity?

[Lady Bug]

Hi,

I am wondering if there is anyone here who may not have minded being a virgin for some time, but have grown to hate being a virgin and want to lose their virginity because they can't stand being that way anymore.

I know there's a statement to be careful of what you wish for. I mean, I would not want to lose my virginity to rape or anything, and I hope you know I don't mean that I am so desperate that I will find some way to give myself up.

I mean, I don't hate virginity in general at all, but I don't know if I can any longer say the same about mine. It's just that there comes a time in one's life where you realize that you just don't have the gift of celibacy at all. I'm in my late 20s and I think God designed our bodies to be sexually active years prior to that age range. The body isn't meant to be like this for that long. I'm not saying that I'm pro-"going around during puberty" because I believe in saving it for marriage. You'd be surprised how conservative I am in those kinds of values. It's just that there's only so long one can think they can wait til marriage to lose their virginity. It makes me so agonized that I just want to cry but the tears don't come.

I also don't understand another thing. Honest question, does it seem like people think that males struggle with lust more and need sex more than women, or do you think that people regard both genders as equally hungry for sex and have similar struggles? I'm just sick and tired of hearing about men having "needs," but what about women? If men have such strong "needs," then there must be women out there FOR those men who have strong "needs" too. It takes two. Anyway sorry if I'm barking up a wrong tree and if I seem obsessed with the idea of sex. Maybe I am. I feel like it's food that I want to eat and I can't get it.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Lady Bug]

no offense but I had hoped to see SOMEONE answer. I'm feeling a lot of pain on this matter.

Maybe I said something bad in this post but I am struggling extremely bad with this sexuality issue. I didn't know where to turn.

 

[tgg]

Well I'm 37 and still a virgin, mainly because no woman I've really fancied has shown any interest in me sexually. And yes, I hate it too.

 

[goldenviolet]

perhaps it's not the virginity you hate. perhaps it is the celebration of this treasure in life you have; but it remains wrapped up. but, even though it is a natural dream to have; the consummating of this mysterious and special bond in waiting. those of us who failled to wait are racked with guilt and spiritual stuggles. those who wait, get to share a most precious treasure. which is celebrated in many ways, and hopefully with children and grandchildren too. consummation seals the deal on marriage and the bonds of loving someone physical; it becomes spiritually.

i'm looking at your hate as exspectation, hurt, need, anxiety, and hope. i think these are quite normal feelings. i exhort and encourage you to be a beautifully wrapped present. your virginity is to shine. a pure young woman is very beautiful daughter of God... and a pure young man is a devote son of God. xo dee

 

[leftBrainer]

erm... well ladybug, honest question for honest answers, I also don't think that you're 'barking up the wrong tree'. Questions about this topic drives me on my nerves too, but probably you're the first one that bring it out...

I believe men with such "needs" will find a mate which will have the similar "needs". I also believe that there is an equal hunger but guys show it more. But it's something to wait on God. I've heard a testimony of a man who have this hunger, he waited and struggle to be pure and at the end God fufill him and he and his wife was so in love together.

the consequences of impatience for the future mate is very very very dire. You can have a clear answer from my testimony: You don't want to loose your virginity or look for "alternatives"(like what I did) to fufill the desires. very very very painful journey if you do so.

I'm really glad to escape that sort of fate man... right now I'm waiting, living in purity and in love with God till the time is right. It's a happier life in purity

 

[Lady Bug]

You can have a clear answer from my testimony: You don't want to loose your virginity or look for "alternatives"(like what I did) to fufill the desires. very very very painful journey if you do so.

I have been thinking. I think I was a little harsh on my virginity. I'm still however extremely frustrated about it, no doubt, but I don't know...I wouldn't want to lose my virginity before marriage ever, but the thing is I want to get married, for I don't feel like I have the gift of celibacy. Trying to stay calm about this...

 

[leftBrainer]

I have been thinking. I think I was a little harsh on my virginity. I'm still however extremely frustrated about it, no doubt, but I don't know...I wouldn't want to lose my virginity before marriage ever, but the thing is I want to get married, for I don't feel like I have the gift of celibacy. Trying to stay calm about this...

same here... but I have a long wait ahead of me of course(still young)

trying to stay calm wasn't something that really worked. I will go nuts pretending that thought never existed. I DO wanted to be complete. I DO NOT want the gift of celibacy.

but at the end... I came to realise that virginity is actually a sort of preparation(no, I didn't find that out myself) a preparation FOR marriage. So yea, don't treat it so harsh if you want a happy marriage in the future. God wants us to remain in purity and in love with Him until he decides, "Well, think he's ready."

so right now... I'm preparing... preparing... no more erotic anime girls, no more masturbation, learning to have happy friendships and happy family and most importantly enjoying God. BUT MAN! I'm anxious to know who she might be... one day...

 

[Bringmeback]

I'm honestly proud of myself for beign a virgin despite my other shortcomings. Theres just SOOOO much stuff out there that frightens me silly when I think about sex.

 

[Johnnz]

Singleness plus sexual maturity don't aways go easily together. It can be frustrating and uncomfortable being sexually abstinent, but it's not fatal.

There are many women who are as sexual as any man. That's not a fault either. It does make singleness even more difficult to live with as a Christian committed to sex only within marriage though. Just don't beat up on yourself for being naturally you.

John
NZ

 

[Lady Bug]

Singleness plus sexual maturity don't aways go easily together. It can be frustrating and uncomfortable being sexually abstinent, but it's not fatal.

There are many women who are as sexual as any man. That's not a fault either. It does make singleness even more difficult to live with as a Christian committed to sex only within marriage though. Just don't beat up on yourself for being naturally you.

John
NZ

I don't think it's fatal but I often wonder if it would contribute to some shorter life expectancy due to how it affects my mental health or something

Sorry but I think I'm getting frustrated with my virginity once again. Sometimes I calm a little down, but the frustration with it comes and goes in big "waves." I think the wave is turning high tide again...

The only thing I can do right now is suffer...

 

[Johnnz]

I doubt life expectancy will be an issue. Unless exhaustion becomes a factor when you are married and able to indulge your sex drive!

But, it's not easy living with an active sex drive and a Christian moral commitment.

John
NZ

 

[Saucy]

Please don't think it's wrong to have these sexual feelings. Sex is so "hush, hush" in the church today and nobody talks about it. You're perfectly fine, healthy and natural to think about sex. God created you to be a sexual being. BUT...if you think it hurts to be celibate, like others have said, it is even more painful having sex outside of marriage. You will be racked with guilt and shame over it. Not only that, but what if you get pregnant outside of marriage? There is NOTHING that's 100% guaranteed to keep that from happening outside of not having sex. Diseases are a factor. I'm sure you know all of these things as they are a constant threat in our world today and they are much more painful than waiting.

But I saved the worst for last. If you think you will just have sex once and that will solve your hunger, you are wrong. Sex is sort of like a drug. Once you start, you can't stop. If you think the desire is bad enough now, wait until you've tried it once...you're desire is increased for more and more. So just think about what you're feeling now times a hundred. Would you be able to deal with that? Probably not. Then you'd have more sex and more sex to try to solve this hunger that won't go away, which then leads to increased chances of pregnancy and diseases.

I'm 24 and still single and a virgin. Part of me is happy that I am because I have so many friends who got married just because of sex and now they're miserable because they let sex dictate their lives.

 

[Arthurius]

Hi,

I am wondering if there is anyone here who may not have minded being a virgin for some time, but have grown to hate being a virgin and want to lose their virginity because they can't stand being that way anymore.

I know there's a statement to be careful of what you wish for. I mean, I would not want to lose my virginity to rape or anything, and I hope you know I don't mean that I am so desperate that I will find some way to give myself up.

I mean, I don't hate virginity in general at all, but I don't know if I can any longer say the same about mine. It's just that there comes a time in one's life where you realize that you just don't have the gift of celibacy at all. I'm in my late 20s and I think God designed our bodies to be sexually active years prior to that age range. The body isn't meant to be like this for that long. I'm not saying that I'm pro-"going around during puberty" because I believe in saving it for marriage. You'd be surprised how conservative I am in those kinds of values. It's just that there's only so long one can think they can wait til marriage to lose their virginity. It makes me so agonized that I just want to cry but the tears don't come.

I also don't understand another thing. Honest question, does it seem like people think that males struggle with lust more and need sex more than women, or do you think that people regard both genders as equally hungry for sex and have similar struggles? I'm just sick and tired of hearing about men having "needs," but what about women? If men have such strong "needs," then there must be women out there FOR those men who have strong "needs" too. It takes two. Anyway sorry if I'm barking up a wrong tree and if I seem obsessed with the idea of sex. Maybe I am. I feel like it's food that I want to eat and I can't get it.

Have you ever told God what you told us? Tell Him. Be honest. But also humble. Remember that He does what He does and we have to take it but there is nothing wrong with asking him for husband, is it? Just please, make sure you're not putting anything before God in your life.

 

[SolidFaith247]

From the sound of it, you're going through a lot of the same frustrations and feelings I'm going through.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching and praying about this for awhile now.
I pray the best for you and hope you would also pray for me.

Just wanted to say this bc I feel for a lot of whats been said in this thread.

-SolidFaith

 

[Blien]

Dont forget that the Devil attacks you to make you aware of your singleness and your virginity... I struggle with it constantly. When I was a teenager I turned to pornography and thought to myself "at least I'm not sleeping with a woman". Well now I consider myself an adulterer but I have never slept with a woman yet.. physically. I'm turning 26 in 2 months.. its so hard. I totally feel your pain. I will pray to God that he fills your life with the woman of your dreams. But here is something else I found out in this diffucult journey.. If you give your love to God, if its love not lust, then he can help cool your spirit until he brings you the woman of your dreams. I'm not there yet, but its significantly cooled down.. I'm not running hot though I still struggle with pornography. I wish I never started that.

GOD BLESS YOU BRO