Harmless lying to advance things with a girl.

Beautifully stated @Sketcher. Bravo!

Sketcher said:

chances are you're not good enough at social skills to do it effectively.

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Don't even need good socials skills to get a woman attracted to you.

Just need to find woman who doesn't make a big deal of social skills!

Only need to be brave when talking.

timewerx said:

Don't even need good socials skills to get a woman attracted to you.

Just need to find woman who doesn't make a big deal of social skills!

Only need to be brave when talking.

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I don’t think you need to be a social expert to form connections. But having reasonable communication skills helps.

~Bella

athrun5 said:

I am trying to date this girl that is super stubborn and is supposedly unsure what she wants. I asked her out and after a few hangouts not dates hangouts with some of her friends / guy friend that is just that her friend I was told that she was not attracted to me but that maybe she is not ready for a relationship. 3 days later I tell her I found someone else which I did and it caused her to be shocked and surprised. Later that week her and I got to hang out at a park together one on one no friends of hers which was weird because she told me she couldnt hang out with me one on one as she considers that dating. we had a great time and this other thing with this other girl has pretty much ended and now all im left with is this girl.


What im asking is should I pretend that im advancing things with this other girl which isnt happening to presumably advance things with this girl im interested in at which im hoping shes becoming jealous.

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No.

That you even need to ask signifies that you're too immature to be dating. Dishonesty and mind games are for children.

Good luck with this relationship, then. However, playing head games isn't the way to get her attention if you want a honest relationship that has the possibility to be long term.

She may be emotionally needy which might not go away after already 24? She seems to enjoy male company no matter 'relationship status'. Some thing to remember..

You need to be honest with yourself first and make sure you can handle that long term?

I agree with others that dishonesty is not a good thing to build a relationship on and that is advice from those who have been through that and from your post maybe you have not... yet?

I pray you two can find honest feelings together if you decide to go on.

athrun5 said:

I've already decided based on everything I read here that I love her to much to lie to her but not enough that I won't be doing a sneak takedown on her tomorrow. Thanks for the advice everyone I know what I must do.

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What do you mean by "sneak takedown"??

athrun5 said:

Well in ninjutsu we tend to do sneak attacks on each other. So I'm going to do a sneak takedown on her tonight right before class.

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Oh I see. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as purely in the context of sparring / training.

athrun5 said:

To be clear I didnt label her as super stubborn or unsure of what she wants, she told me that herself in 2 separate text messages. I actually really like the stubbornness about her its kinda a turn on.

To make something even more clear, I don't have any experience with girls, friends somewhat and dating/relationships of that nature. I asked because I was experiencing doubt weather it was the right thing to do thats why I asked. I don't think its fair to say i'm immature because I felt a sinful idea come across my mind or noone would be ready to date.

Also all my friends even her friends and my coworkers all tell me to not give up and to give it time. everyone is quite supportive because her and I are very similar with some of the exact same experiences and lack of experiences. FYI i'm not a player as I don't want to have sex till marriage and I am not trying to sleep with her or anyone else even if my mind tells me I want to I know that my father won't let me and will make sure that if the situation ever does arise I will turn away. I know this because I know him.

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The situation isn't as straightforward as sex before marriage. It's only one part of the equation and we have ways of justifying the ends that suite us.

There's the error of Balaam only in your case this isn't about a financial gain, it's about "really like the stubbornness about her its kinda a turn on".

Also from experience, what you're finding attractive now may turn into a deal breaker in the future. Being stubborn and having convictions shouldn't be confused with each other.

athrun5 said:

I am trying to date this girl that is super stubborn and is supposedly unsure what she wants. I asked her out and after a few hangouts not dates hangouts with some of her friends / guy friend that is just that her friend I was told that she was not attracted to me but that maybe she is not ready for a relationship. 3 days later I tell her I found someone else which I did and it caused her to be shocked and surprised. Later that week her and I got to hang out at a park together one on one no friends of hers which was weird because she told me she couldnt hang out with me one on one as she considers that dating. we had a great time and this other thing with this other girl has pretty much ended and now all im left with is this girl.


What im asking is should I pretend that im advancing things with this other girl which isnt happening to presumably advance things with this girl im interested in at which im hoping shes becoming jealous.

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I don't get this whole "hang out" thing...is it...a thing?

athrun5 said:

Thats true the stubbornness maybe a deal breaker in the future but at the same time I have lived with stubborn women that are far worse then her all my life. If she was that stubborn it would be a deal breaker now however I believe to some point she maybe just a person that is scared of change like me or maybe scared of having someone in her life that would stop her from doing everything by herself. I know that sounds dumb but honestly there are people like that for example me. I maybe buying a brand new car this week and im terrified even though in every aspect its better for me in every way possible. The point is I am going to stop guessing and I am going to just hang out with her, spar with her, maybe roll with her and watch anime/going to the park or whatever she wants to do because thats whats important to her right now.


well its weird. basically she hangs out with friends and if you are interested in her you cant hang out with her one on one i think because she calls that dating. however she will hangout with me now because we are just friends and she will hang out with her friend nik because they are just friends one on one. So its weird.

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Yeah, if it's weird, I wouldn't want to hang out with her under those conditions. NEXT!

ThisIsMe123 said:

Yeah, if it's weird, I wouldn't want to hang out with her under those conditions. NEXT!

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There are benefits to organic relating. It doesn’t have to mirror his example. But the absence of labels permits greater freedom if you want to know God’s will for the connection.

Spending time in each other’s company unencumbered by expectations allows you to gauge their character and your response. You have the opportunity to show yourself over time.

~Bella

LaBèlla said:

There are benefits to organic relating. It doesn’t have to mirror his example. But the absence of labels permits greater freedom if you want to know God’s will for the connection.

Spending time in each other’s company unencumbered by expectations allows you to gauge their character and your response. You have the opportunity to show yourself over time.

~Bella

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"Unencumbered"? It's really on them if they feel encumbered. That's just a state of mind. I prefer to not get involved with those who feel so easily encumbered. It's only a burden if you make it that way. It's only a big deal, if you make it that way.

Labels are irrelevant. Getting tired of that platitude. Even that in unto itself is also a "label". Interesting, how even Christians think that the "D" word is a bad thing.

If someone cannot hang out with someone, one-on-one, I dunno, there's just something up there. I've "hung out" with plenty of women one-on-one and had a blast. But this fear of them somehow that one-on-one is more of a "date" thing than they would like. I dunno. Just call me old-fashioned. I'm a bit more direct. More black-and-white.

Not sure how people get it in their head that one-on-one vs. group outings. In my experience, it's kind of wishy-washy. I know some women the prefer the direct "Ask me out" approach. I actually invited a woman out to a group event, only because I would be in her area...she told me it would be kind of weird if it were not one-on-one...and I said, "You know something, you're right" and switched it up to my style of dating. I think I had this thought of the whole "don't have expectations" thing...trying to make a woman comfortable...but, I was going against my principles.

But...who am I to judge someone's dating-style...as it's really ALL about that. So on top of seeing if you're compatible, there's the other hurdle of trying to figure out if your dating styles align I suppose.

If I refuse to hang out with her, in a group setting. The buck stops there, and not even a first date occurs.

It make work for some people, not for others. Some people have their own style of dating. I'm too old to really have said woman dangle a carrot in front of me and remain forever in the friend zone. To get the, "You're great guy, but...I just don't see you in that way".

Women tend to be turned off by a guy that hangs out with a woman as a friend under the guise of him wanting more.

Interested people act interested. From what I'm reading from this woman, she's not interested.

But the absence of labels permits greater freedom if you want to know God’s will for the connection.

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That's a matter of opinion. But you're entitled to it.

however she will hangout with me now because we are just friends and she will hang out with her friend nik because they are just friends one on one. So its weird.

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It's weird, because....she's not interested. Move on to someone who is. Don't waste your time.