Handling Emotions During End of Life Caregiving

[power2theweak]

By LeAnn Thieman

Providing end of life care for someone we love is one of the most difficult experiences of a lifetime. The emotions, varied and unpredictable are neither right nor wrong; they just are.
We must be gentle with ourselves as we accept and work through these emotions in whatever order they appear.

What to Expect Emotionally During End of Life Care

In my thirty-plus years as a nurse, I have experienced personally and have seen my fellow caregivers experience the following feelings, which are quite normal:

• Worry and anxiety consume us while we try to brace ourselves for the impending death and resulting life changes.
• Sadness seems overwhelming as we watch our dear one slip away, bit by bit, and we begin the agonizing journey of letting go.
• Denial or disbelief sets in and we find ourselves thinking, “This isn’t happening. Surely there is some mistake. Maybe things can still get better.”
• Bargaining with our departing loved one and even God causes us to whisper, “If you just get better or not let this happen, I promise to…”
• Anger emerges when we feel powerless and helpless.
• Bitterness.Feeling alone or abandoned, we harbor resentment with ourselves, the dying person, and/or God.
• Impatience occurs sometimes while we wait for our loved one to be released from suffering.
• Guilt sometimes creeps in when anger occurs. Occasionally caregivers bear undue responsibility for the situation and mistakenly think, “If only I would have…”
• Depression is identified as the number one emotion for a majority of caregivers.
• Loneliness, emptiness, and self-pity compound it, resulting in lack of sleep, poor appetite and decreased concentration.

Coping During End of Life Care

Unexpressed emotions can become buried and affect our behavior as well as impair our healing. To cope, it helps to:

• Explore, express and acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves time to experience and work through them.
• Take care of ourselves. It’s hard to cope when we are exhausted mentally, physically, and spiritually.
• Expect and tolerate some reduction in our usual energy and efficiency.
• Confide in a friend, spiritual adviser, or family member.
• Cry. Sometimes doing so privately allows us to sob with abandon, releasing pent up emotions and speeding our coping process.
• Reminisce. Share stories. Laugh. (Yes, it’s okay.)
• Ask for help with personal, homemaking, and caregiving tasks.
• Meditate.Pray. Take quiet time.
• Play music, dance, draw or write to express what we are feeling.
• Say to your departing loved one what is in your heart, even if you aren't sure he or she can hear you. He or she likely can. Don’t wait.

As we journey through this caring process we must embrace and express negative emotions as well as positive ones. Unbridled love, relief, and eventual acceptance will soothe our hearts and souls, help us cope, and eventually heal us.
It is hard to believe, but we can find the beauty in special moments as our loved ones prepare to depart. While heart wrenching and exhausting, these are precious times to behold and treasure for a lifetime.

Strengthforcaring.com - Just for Caregivers - Handling Emotions During End of Life Caregiving