Had a relapse :(..got very drunk

[brohammer26]

HI all.

I came to the boards about 3 months ago looking to rid myself of alcohol problems and the problems that come from that. I have been doing pretty well...staying in, focusing on school and learning more about god. Well after my 8 week course for my last class I was increadibly stressed out...just to note I dont have any friends where I am..not christian not non-christian...I have no one that can check on my accountability. Anyways I have been doing good with just having a drink here and there and never pushing it. This last weekend I decided to buy a 5th of vodka to make myself some screwdrivers to relax after the long time of shutting myself in. Well I am not sure what happened but the booze affected me fast and before I know it I am getting a cab to go out to a club. I went out and was acting not good. Talking to a bunch of girls and trying to have sex. It was gross it was not me..not the new me. I blacked out for a good period of time...all I know is that god would not allow me to have sex as i recall almost going home with a couple of girls. The next morning I woke up in a field not knowing how I got theree...when I made it home finallly I found that the whole bottle of vodka had been drinken...I drank a 5th by myself and then drank more when I went out. Cant believe it. I am so glad god kept me from sinning further even though I truley hate myself for the way I was behaving. I proven to myself once again that I cant keep alcohol in my house. Well just wanted to confess...I know these kinds of things happen to people and I feel stupid about it, I am just so glad that it was not worse.

It scares me to the way I was acting...I mean what is deep within my heart if I go out and try to have sex even if I am very drunk. I struggled with sexual addiction for a long while and want to never go back to it and live the way christ has called.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Do you attend AA at all? I'm glad that you were/are okay overall... Relapses are tough...Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

[madison1101]

Have you ever tried attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the 12 Steps? In AA, you could find friends, even some believers, like me. Also, with the sponsor, you develop an accountability relationship. When newcomers attend their first AA meeting at the clubhouse I go to, they are offered a phone list, which is a list of names and numbers of people willing to offer phone support. In AA, we make phone calls when we are tempted to drink, or feeling stressed out, and in those phone calls friendships are developed, and coping strategies are discussed.

Confess what happened to God, and accept His love and forgiveness. Don't beat yourself up for being human. That thinking comes from the pit of Hell.

In addition to regular attendance at AA meetings, and working the Steps, I also attend a women's support group at my church, where we study the Life Recovery Bible and do more Stepwork. It is fascinating to study how the 12 Steps of AA is based on Biblical principles.

 

[brohammer26]

I dont know if they have AA in germany

 

[BlondieLashes]

I didn't realize you are in Germany. There has to be some sort of recovery program... I am currently starting NA here in the states for my 3rd time!

 

[madison1101]

I dont know if they have AA in germany

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aa_international.cfm?country=Germany&origpage=31

Yes, AA is in Germany. Try the website above.

 

[brohammer26]

thanks for link

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you, brother.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for your recovery. How are you doing now?

 

[brohammer26]

Thanks everyone for the prayers. I am doing good. I admit I have had a couple of beers but just for dinner. I honestly want to be able to do that. I dont allow myself to buy hard liquoir or go out. I feel that this can work..I will keep it up and thanks for all of the support

 

[antwolf]

As they say in AA, one drink is to many and a thousand isn't enough. This holds very true in my case. I know this, yet I choose to drink. Haven't had one today though, and its 7:05 PM here in New Jersey. I'm a success so far. Yea, and thanks be to God. God Bless, sir...