Guys..?

trentlogain2 · Feb 22, 2010

Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

Sketcher · Feb 22, 2010

By "with," I'm assuming you mean that we're just conducting business or something, not "with" as in having an affair with her.

I wouldn't want to be in a potentially compromising situation. And I'd focus on doing whatever business we have as quickly and efficiently as possible. I don't think it's necessary to have a chaperone or anything all the time. Of course, if her man is too jealous for his own good, I would hope that she would be smart enough to take this into account and keep whatever we need to do as public as it needs to be in order to avoid trouble.

Apollo Celestio · Feb 22, 2010

My best friend is a girl and I'm hanging out with her later.. I don't think either of us will try anything and she's with someone.

kevlite2020 · Feb 22, 2010

Yes, I do everything physically possible to not be alone with a woman who is serious with another man. I even ended a friendship earlier this year because I was in a situation with a girl who had a boyfriend who liked hanging out with me alone. I don't necessarily think I would do something wrong, even if tempted, but I'm not about to put myself in a situation where I have to find out and be tested. I get tempted enough with plenty of things day to day, whatever temptations I can remove and avoid it's best that I do it.

BarelyBreathing · Feb 22, 2010

trentlogain2 said:
Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

Can I flip this and answer it as a woman?

For me it isn't about "chances, temptations, etc." but about fleeing from the appearance of evil. I would not find it appropriate to be alone with a married man in a casual setting simply because I would not want the appearance of any impropriety there. I know that nothing would happen. I also have total respect for the guy's significant other wouldn't want her to ever have any cause for concern. I will not even compliment a married man, but if I am close to his wife then I will pay the compliment solely to her.

Keep in mind, I am not talking about being alone in say an interview, or professional situation, or anything like that. I am talking strictly casual and private. Then, I wouldn't.

Windmill · Feb 22, 2010

trentlogain2 said:
Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

Oh, wow, sounds just a tad extreme

I should hope people will still hang out with me alone, even though I'm dating someone...

trentlogain2 · Feb 22, 2010

BarelyBreathing said:
Can I flip this and answer it as a woman?

For me it isn't about "chances, temptations, etc." but about fleeing from the appearance of evil. I would not find it appropriate to be alone with a married man in a casual setting simply because I would not want the appearance of any impropriety there. I know that nothing would happen. I also have total respect for the guy's significant other wouldn't want her to ever have any cause for concern. I will not even compliment a married man, but if I am close to his wife then I will pay the compliment solely to her.

Keep in mind, I am not talking about being alone in say an interview, or professional situation, or anything like that. I am talking strictly casual and private. Then, I wouldn't.

i was going to say something about avoiding the appearances of evil but didn't. a lot of what you said resonates with my own personal experiences. i've been rebuked my fair share for asking women personal questions. (they seemed harmless at the time) but the woman's father at the time didn't think so. thanks for your comment about not dealing compliments to the opposite sex of someone who is involved. i need to learn that, too.

Windmill said:
Oh, wow, sounds just a tad extreme

what's extreme is finding myself in a weird and uncomfortable situation after the fact when i could have prevented it a lot sooner.

Schneiderman · Feb 22, 2010

Personally I am in control of myself enough that I can't comprehend the issue behind this question. But if you are struggling with this in some way then do whatever you need to do to avoid doing the wrong thing, and we all know what the wrong thing is.

toastface_grillah · Feb 22, 2010

Totally depends on the situation, the woman, and how well her husband/significant other and I get along.
One of my best, longest-standing friends, is a married woman. We go back well over ten years, to the summer before we started college. When I lived with her and her family last year, the two of us would go out to coffee, and hang out in the living room all the time.
But the key things are:
1) Again, we go back over ten years, and have been close friends for much of the time.
2) Her husband and I are also good friends. We go back about seven years, so he knows well that impropriety would be 31 different flavors of not happening.

Your eyes are all glazing over, so I'll wrap this up. She's an exception, "grandmothered in," you might say. Mostly for reasons of avoiding the appearance of evil, I wouldn't do this with other married/otherwise involved women, and I usually involve her significant man in the conversations as well, if he's around.

Markus6 · Feb 22, 2010

Just because "avoiding the appearance of evil" has turned up 3 times now I'm going to be irritating and point out that, while the phrase is very common, the verse from the KJV it is based on is now agreed to be a mistranslation. It is now normally rendered "avoid every kind of evil" or something similar.

I certainly wouldn't put a blanket ban on it but I think it certainly depends on your level of attract to her, her level of attraction to you and how close you are to her significant other.

marlowe007 · Feb 22, 2010

This scenario very seldom provokes the thought in either person, let alone leads to adultery. So, I wouldn't feel the need to restrain myself. Besides which, I wouldn't be interested in a woman who would be so disloyal to her husband. I consider such women the moral equivalent to a prostitute, or a woman who smokes a cigarette in public. Needless to say, a guy who chortles over married women being his "specialty" is no better than a garbage fly, only the trash he "specialises" in feeding off of is human misery and shattered trust.

K9_Trainer · Feb 22, 2010

Schneiderman said:
Personally I am in control of myself enough that I can't comprehend the issue behind this question. But if you are struggling with this in some way then do whatever you need to do to avoid doing the wrong thing, and we all know what the wrong thing is.

This.

Both myself and my boyfriend are secure in our relationship and trust each other completely. So its really not an issue. Heck if either of us care that we're alone together with somebody of the opposite sex.

dayhiker · Feb 22, 2010

I guess I'd make my decission based on the situation. But basically, I'd not seperate myself unless she was a vidictive person.

dayhiker

toastface_grillah · Feb 22, 2010

Markus6 said:
Just because "avoiding the appearance of evil" has turned up 3 times now I'm going to be irritating and point out that, while the phrase is very common, the verse from the KJV it is based on is now agreed to be a mistranslation. It is now normally rendered "avoid every kind of evil" or something similar.

I certainly wouldn't put a blanket ban on it but I think it certainly depends on your level of attract to her, her level of attraction to you and how close you are to her significant other.

Not at all irritating. I never knew that about the ol' "appearance of evil" as often as it comes up regarding the opposite sex. Thanks for pointing it out.

marlowe007 said:
This scenario very seldom provokes the thought in either person, let alone leads to adultery. So, I wouldn't feel the need to restrain myself. Besides which, I wouldn't be interested in a woman who would be so disloyal to her husband. I consider such women the moral equivalent to a prostitute, or a woman who smokes a cigarette in public. Needless to say, a guy who chortles over married women being his "specialty" is no better than a garbage fly, only the trash he "specialises" in feeding off of is human misery and shattered trust.

Well said.

SonicBOOM · Feb 22, 2010

trentlogain2 said:
Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

[insert previous comments here]

EDIT: and now that I've read the thread I'm tempted to take back everything I just said which I will do

Stravinsk · Feb 23, 2010

trentlogain2 said:
Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

I've worked with women before with whom I had absolutely no interest and it wasn't a problem.

If she is married or has a bf *and* I find her attractive *and* she enjoys my attention too much - then yeah, it's time to find a way out of that scenario.

Balugon · Feb 23, 2010

As long as the woman's spouse trusts me, then I would be fine being alone with her. Like someone else said, it isn't about avoiding the appearance of evil, it is about avoiding evil. There is a big difference. Someone will always be able to come along and say anything you are doing is evil at any point in time, but it doesn't mean it is. God looks at the heart, and that is what is important. I'm not going to stop buying shoes just because someone accuses me of purposely supporting child labor. I know I'm against child labor, but it's not my fault probably 95% of shoes are made in sweat shops (the shoes I can afford anyway).

Luther073082 · Feb 23, 2010

Well I certainly would find it odd if for some reason the woman was trying to get me into a room alone.

But if being alone together sort of happened in the course of a normal day I wouldn't freak out about it.

ido · Feb 23, 2010

It would totally depend on the circumstances and setting/environment that brought me together - alone - with that person. It would also depend on whether or not there was any level of physical attraction on either side.

I've been alone more than once for work related things with members of the opposite sex - both as a single (with a married) and a married (with a single) and it is entirely possible to maintain a professional, yet friendly, tone without crossing any ethical lines.

Socially, I typically don't get together with male friends - single or otherwise - unless there are other people involved. I just don't see a need for it.

BarelyBreathing · Feb 23, 2010

Markus6 said:
Just because "avoiding the appearance of evil" has turned up 3 times now I'm going to be irritating and point out that, while the phrase is very common, the verse from the KJV it is based on is now agreed to be a mistranslation. It is now normally rendered "avoid every kind of evil" or something similar.

Balugon said:
Like someone else said, it isn't about avoiding the appearance of evil, it is about avoiding evil. There is a big difference. Someone will always be able to come along and say anything you are doing is evil at any point in time, but it doesn't mean it is.

To me, changing the verse to "avoid every kind of evil" is not any less about avoiding the appearance of evil. God may know our heart, but man doesn't and it is through our fruits that people will know we are Christians. We also should not be a stumbling block for our fellow brethren. If being alone with a married man might cause problem in his marriage or gossip about impropriety, then I see no reason why I should do it. For me, I'd never say "well, that is his wife's problem and she needs to get over her jealousy." We all struggle differently, and we do not necessarily know the struggles of others. I wouldn't want to place myself is a situation with her husband that might cause her alarm any more than I would parade my child half naked before a child molester. For me it is also about respect for others. I am not the jealous type, and I am fully trusting to a fault, but even I would not like if a single women made efforts to be alone with my spouse, and I can honestly say that I would be more dismayed at my spouse for not stopping it than at the woman who is just doing what she does....

Anyhow, this is just how I believe. I certainly am not one to ever impose my beliefs on others or how they act.

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