guy question

[rach]

Is there a reason that guys don't want to be friends with girls for the sake of being friends? It seems like whenever a guy "pursues" a friendship with a girl the ultimate reason is to become a dating couple. Not that it's bad being friends first, actually I think that's a great idea, it's just I don't get why guys can't pursue a friendship relationship with a girl that they KNOW is not going to be anything more than friends.

What do you guys think? Maybe this is just the guys I know...which I hope is the case.

 

[enslow]

Rach,

Sometimes it can work. However, male sexuality, being what it is, makes initial friendships awkward. As a guy I would always ask to myself why the girl is interested in me. Friendship only? Friendship with possible dating later?

Also, honestly ask yourself how you would feel if your future fiancee or husband had many female friends. What if he wanted to see them alone? Right away you would probably think that's inappropriate. But it wouldn't be inappropriate if he were to see male friends alone.

I would actually hope my future wife would think it poor taste for me to visit any female friends on my own alone. But it would probably be ok if I met a longtime female friend for coffee in a coffee shop if it were not a regular thing.

When I was younger I thought much the same. I believed that all people should be able to have friends of both sexes without the social hangups. But I now realize that it can be disrespectful to a spouse to continue with such friendships of the opposite sex at the same level. If you develop friends of the opposite sex, how will you maintain those friendships when you marry?

Enslow

 

[katelyn]

Actually, a lot of what I saw (especially in high school) was guys trying to be "just friends" with girls, and girls taking it the wrong way...i.e., immediately getting a crush on the guy or thinking of him as a romantic interest instead of just a friend. Which did cause guys I knew to stop trying to build friendships with girls.

 

[girlscoutdropout]

hmm.. your experiences are somewhat different than mine. i have guy friends that are just that: guy friends. That's pretty much how its always been for me though. i never did get along with girls, from the very beginning. they just don't seem to like me. so i've always had boy friends. i guess they just don't see me as attractive, or as girlfriend material. but i have to say, they make the best friends

 

[nmi346]

my best friend is a girl...
i am a guy...
i don't have a problem with it, but the longer we talk the more she tries to change it to "more than friends"
it actually kind of has gotten old because she has become very persistent in this.
someone once said you should marry your best friend, but i would tend to disagree.

RACH- i think guys probably do the friends thing at first to try to test the waters.

i have done it before.

 

[Quiet Storm]

I think it's safe to already conclude that it all depends on the people. Some people are the type of people who are looking so hard that they pursue friendships to try to help it evolve into a relationship, while some just want friendship. At the time, I'm somewhat in the middle of the two. I'm "looking", and if there's someone that catches my attention, we may end up speaking. If I realize that she's not my type, I still have no problem keeping in contact with her for the sake of being friends. I can't tell you if it's generally more frequent with males or females. Like I said, I suppose it just all depends on who you're asking. *shrug*

 

[PennylessZ28]

Is there a reason that guys don't want to be friends with girls for the sake of being friends? It seems like whenever a guy "pursues" a friendship with a girl the ultimate reason is to become a dating couple. Not that it's bad being friends first, actually I think that's a great idea, it's just I don't get why guys can't pursue a friendship relationship with a girl that they KNOW is not going to be anything more than friends.

What do you guys think? Maybe this is just the guys I know...which I hope is the case.

Not so. I've had more friends that were girls then I have guys.

Wasn't until recently that I have had an equal amount. And most of the time it didn't have to do with sex.

 

[Buskanaka]

it's because girls are so hard to understand we can't handle more than one friendship at a time! hehe just kidding...
personally I have no problems being friends with girls, and i have no problem with these friendships because it is quite obvious that there will not be anything else, we are quite clearly not attracted to each other but really like each other as good friends.
I would only "pursue" a friendship, in terms of going out of my way to interact, if i liked a girl and wanted a further relationship because i wouldnt want to give anybody the wrong idea. And also because of the custom of guys being the ones who are supposed to do the "asking out" or whatever you want to call it, i think if guys did pursue friendships with girls everyone would be unsure about the purpose and it would create lots of awkwardness
and the guy probably wouldn't get the best reputation either...

 

[rach]

I guess I'm the minority, so maybe it's just the guys here.

 

[Religious Crisis]

I don't think that that is true, I have many girls that are only friends, I have no intention of having more of a relationship with them then friendship.

 

[Kaylynn]

Is there a reason that guys don't want to be friends with girls for the sake of being friends?

Some people have posted saying the girls eventually become attatched to the guy and seek more than friendship...but maybe its because the guy can't handle just being friends.

For example...one guy I was friends with wanted more than just a friendship. And he just won't give it up...and it bums me out because I would love to be friends with him. But when he sits there constantly complimenting me and telling me that he loves me and saying that he wants to eventually marry me(he also made very inappropriate comments...that as a Christian guy he should not be saying those things to me...)...it made me very uncomfortable....because I do not feel the same way, and he knew this and I told him he made me uncomfortable by saying those things. It got to the point where I just had to tell him that I couldn't see him anymore. We'll talk every once in a while via internet so I can see how he's doing and get updates on what God is doing in his life...but eventually he ends up turning the conversation to relationships and he corners me asking if there's any chance I could feel that way for him and yadda yadda yadda.

 

[Buskanaka]

Some people have posted saying the girls eventually become attatched to the guy and seek more than friendship...but maybe its because the guy can't handle just being friends.

i think that's pretty true actually. well, where the guy is attracted to the girl anyway. Guys don't want to be friends with a girl they really like, it's really hard and drives us crazy!
So rach i think your problem is you must be such a nice person that all the guys you know like you! so my professional opinion is... don't be so nice!

 

[rach]

So rach i think your problem is you must be such a nice person that all the guys you know like you! so my professional opinion is... don't be so nice!

I'm not so sure about that, but thanks I guess.

 

[aria384gp:)]

Ya know I was really close friends with my best friend and her cousin (who is a guy) for awhile, and then all of sudden he falls in love with me, seriously, he starts talking to his mom about it and starts praying for me.. At first I was really angry because I was all like, what makes him think he has the right, but then I started having feelings for him only they weren't really feelings. My father explained it to me as that when you're around a guy (for girls) or a girl (for guys), and you start sharing things with him, ya start to have feelings for him, and if he's the only guy that close to ya then naturally you're gonna wonder if somethin more could happen, but you need to pray and seek God about it first, boy was I wrong! I got over it really fast. One thing that opened my eyes was his "true" behavior (as he got hired where I work) and two was that anytime another girl came around he was flirting and everything with them. UGH MEN, but then I realized I really wasn't serious about him, so after this big life-changing ordeal and to make a long story short,I cut off the whole "feelings" thing and was going to cut off the whole "friendship" thing too, but then my dad said that wouldn't be fair to him and all this other stuff, so I took the advice (my father's also my pastor), but now I'm totally stuck because while I'm trying to be friendly he's totally takin' as somethin else if ya know what I mean.
And he's still prayin for me which is really annoying and thinks he's in love with me which is really annoying but anyways I really don't want to be rude and stop talking to the guy but everywhere I go he tries to go there too, and he plays the drums and I the keyboard, my father has already told the dude that I have no intention of "like-liking" him, yet still he continues, Why can't you guys get a clue! (sorry I'm only talkin about one guy here)

So you see, I believe that there is no way for a male female bond to truly exist and last. One day in one way or another one of you will start having "feelings", and put the other in a really uncomfortable position. So I think girls should stick to confiding in their girl friends and guys should stick to doing whatever it is you guys do with your guy friends, and wait for your future wife or husband to become your "best friend". I think that's how God would want it.

Just my thoughts.
By the way guys any suggestions what to do about my whole he loves me I love him not situation? And it has to be something I can do without actually talking to him. That's a whole nother thread entirely. lol

 

[beagleracing]

It's the "Harry Met Sally" syndrome. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan do a great job portraying reality when it comes to men and women. on some level, most men and women who are good/close friends have some level of attraction, it's what allows us to stay as friends....we obvoiusly like something about them. I'm not saying that all men want to date their female friends, that's a bit of a stretch, but all men consider it for a certain amount of time. women do it, too.
basically, the more attractive you are, the more your friends want to date you! it's human nature.

dp

 

[MetalBlade]

Might be the ones you know. That is a basic stereotype of males I will admit. Not all are like that. I have a lot of girl friends (non dating) and they're just as important to me as my male friends.

 

[mariusx1]

Ok, I haven't read any of the other responses, so maybe this has already been said.

I think that guys will make a "decision" about a girl within about the first 5 minutes of meeting her. He then either views her as someone he'd be interested in dating or someone who he'd just like as a friend. This initial decision really shapes the rest of the relationship.

If, at this point, he sees potential, then he's going to be a bit more flirty, a bit more attentive, a bit more caring, etc. Basically, he'll try to impress you to get you to like him.

If he just wants friendship, he's not worried so much about your impressions and he'll just act as himself. This is probably where you'll best get to know what he's really like.

Weird things happen though. I met this girl a year ago and totally decided I was "not interested" and was only just a friend to her, but last month we started dating!! So, you never know!

Doug

 

[onetruth]

i had a girl who was my friend since first grade, of course after high school weve gone our seperate ways, but i knew plenty girls in my school id consider a friend, they may have been hot and id would admit to it but nothing more than that