Guilt feelings

[ciaomamma]

I am a terrible mother, I feel such guilt right now
DD is 2 and is usually a great sleeper last night she woke up at 10pm and would not go back to sleep till 2:30am. She was screaming and screaming... I tried everything I could think of, cuddles, removing anything that could have been scary from her room, milk, nappy change, checking if she was hot or cold, changed covers, we watches some tv tried to read some books... I was laying down in her bed with her and she still wouldn't stop... I had to leave and leave her to it. I do not do control crying I hated doing it but I had to go nurse her little brother. I also lost my patience, I thought it might snap her out of it and very sternly and angryly I yelled at her to stop it and go to sleep
Then the next day she cried after 15 min of nap time and I thought here we go again half an hour later I went to check on her and she had a dirty diper, I cleaner her up and she then went to sleep! She was trying to tell me she needed something and I ignored her! I feel like crying.
I'm a believer that kids cry for a reason Last night wasn't me I always try to speak softly and gently I just totally lost it, I was on my own with two screaming babies and I lost it, I hate myself for it and I hate that when she needed me the most I ignored her... Haaaargh I just want to forget it all!

 

[Odetta]

Don't beat yourself up over this. We all want to be perfectly calm parents, but it just doesn't happen all the time. The fact that you feel guilt shows me that you want to be the best mom you can be. You just need to move past this. Your children are blessed to have you as their mom.

 

[akmom]

I also believe children cry for a reason, but after three kids I don't think it's possible to always figure out that reason. My kids cried most of their first year of life, and I went through the whole routine every time (feed, change, comfort, entertain, check their temperature) and quite often got no results. Sometimes I took them to doctors in case of an earache or something, but they never diagnosed anything I didn't know.

Honestly, I think the lesson that sometimes you just have to deal with it, is not precocious for a toddler (or even a baby, after a long night). As long as they are healthy and their basic needs are met, you do not necessarily have to provide endless comfort. Self-soothing is a life skill too.

I also don't think you must always speak gently to your children. Sometimes you have to be firm. It's a verbal way of communicating boundaries. I don't mean yell and scream or anything (though it happens), but honestly I don't think a gentle tone is any kind of rule in good parenting.

Yes, it's discouraging to find out that your daughter cried for half an hour about something she really needed. But you didn't know that. She just spent the previous night crying for reasons other than that. So even though you did not intend it, perhaps she learned a lesson in not crying Wolf. It's something we all have to learn eventually. But don't be discouraged. You didn't neglect your children; you just failed to stay up all night and mind-read the next day.

 

[ALEA40]

We've all been there!!! Please don't beat yourself up over it. Even the most patient mother will lose it sometimes. Especially when we're exhausted. I promise she won't remember She probably fell right to sleep in the afternoon because she was exhausted from crying during her naptime and from the night before. When she woke up at 10 pm, she could have had teething pain, growing pains in her legs, or tummy problems. I've found the worst thing I can do is turn on a TV or read a book. It will wake them up and they think this is great that they get to hang out with mommy in the middle of the night. I only did that once with my 1st and I never did it again. I keep all the lights very dim and soothing. Now when my son wakes up screaming from obvious pain, I usually check for a temperature, give him ibuprofen if it is obviously leg or teeth pain, and nurse him back to sleep. It hasn't happened too often though. He did go through a spell starting at 8 months where he was up 5-6 times a night. It was agony for me after a few weeks. I had to let him cry it out because I was too exhausted to move.

Sometimes children do just cry to relieve excess energy and stress. As a mom, you usually know if this is the case, as opposed to more obvious pain. Sending blessings to you!!!

 

[ciaomamma]

lol mind reading would be useful!
I hope she doesn't remember that, we've definitely made amends but she's still sick, at least DH is back home tho he's been sleeping through screaming kids so far I know I have that back up, and I got one good nights sleep... which is good coz DS has a cold now and it's pretty much the end of the world... boys lol

 

[akmom]

It's not the end of the world until Mom gets sick too!

Ugh, I just had strep throat, followed by three weeks of bronchitis, and I'm hoping to beat it before it becomes pneumonia. I only just yesterday caught up from the week of no chores I declared as all five of us succumbed.

 

[ALEA40]

Sending healing prayers to your family, ciaomamma, and, akmom!!! Hope everyone is feeling better soon!

 

[Inkachu]

I'd like to see ONE parent (male or female) who has NEVER "lost it" for even a moment and snapped at their child out of exasperation. I don't think you'll ever find one!

Pray about what happened. God knows and understands. I still think back on things I did wrong with my son, years and years ago, and I feel AWFUL. I pray to God to erase things from my memory. The point is, all parents go through that. If it's just the occasional moment, and it's not a trend, and you aren't reaching a point where you're thinking about harming your child, then I'd say it's absolutely normal. If you ever feel like you need a break, take a break! Hire a sitter, go sleep for 14 hours in a hotel if you need to.