Group Therapy at Treatment Program

[madison1101]

I am not new to alcoholism recovery. I started participating in AA 19 years ago, and was able to get 8 years of sobriety, then relapsed, then 6 years, then relapsed last year. In October, I had a really bad episode and my therapist insisted I go into Outpatient Treatment. I did an Intensive program for 5 weeks, and then started weekly group therapy last week.

I am struggling with it for some reason. Actually, for a lot of reasons. One reason is that I am the only woman in the group. It really bothers me that, except for the therapist, I am the only female. In the Intensive program, there was one other woman, till my last week.

The other problem is that most of the guys are in relationships, and talk about how they are there to either keep their significant other off their backs, or to please their woman. They talk about the hiding and sneaking, etc. I have been single for 8 years, and not in a relationship that long. I can no longer relate to that stuff, because I was able to get and stay sober since my divorce, till last year.

I just needed to share what is going on with me. I need to speak with my sponsor and work through this.

Trish

 

[BobW188]

You came to the right place. Group work is nice for solving a problem, or brainstorming, or where the mix is heterogenous enough that you have different perspectives; but I would be going nuts in your situation. And too often, group therapy points up the truth of the old chestnut, "Confucius [did not] say: 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.'" (Actually, the sentiment is quite Confucian.)
Maybe something will click, it happens in groups, and you'll be better able to give and get something; but for now, endure; and remember: if you don't stay sober, you'll have to do it again.
Best wishes,
Bob

 

[devonian]

I am not new to alcoholism recovery. I started participating in AA 19 years ago, and was able to get 8 years of sobriety, then relapsed, then 6 years, then relapsed last year. In October, I had a really bad episode and my therapist insisted I go into Outpatient Treatment. I did an Intensive program for 5 weeks, and then started weekly group therapy last week.

I am struggling with it for some reason. Actually, for a lot of reasons. One reason is that I am the only woman in the group. It really bothers me that, except for the therapist, I am the only female. In the Intensive program, there was one other woman, till my last week.

The other problem is that most of the guys are in relationships, and talk about how they are there to either keep their significant other off their backs, or to please their woman. They talk about the hiding and sneaking, etc. I have been single for 8 years, and not in a relationship that long. I can no longer relate to that stuff, because I was able to get and stay sober since my divorce, till last year.

I just needed to share what is going on with me. I need to speak with my sponsor and work through this.

Trish

Is there any selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, or fear about this?

if so, these are the instructions:
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up we:
1. ask God at once to remove them
2. discuss them with someone immediately
3. make ammends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
4. we resolutely turn our thought to someone we can help.
(Pg. Pg 84, AA)

 

[Mela'h]

I work in a treatment center and I see this a lot. It's hard for a lot of women because just the whole dynamics of the group are so male oriented and they just get lost. Unfortunately, more men than women seek recovery so there is always going to be an inequity in this. We have some all female groups happening. Is there any offered in your area? And definitely talk to the counsellor. She needs to know how you're feeling and I am sure she has dealt with this issue before and may have some resolution for you. I know that you know this but, you really need to settle in your mind that you are there for your recovery, that it's the priority and you are not going to let any thing or any one sabotage it.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Keep up the good fight.

 

[madison1101]

I work in a treatment center and I see this a lot. It's hard for a lot of women because just the whole dynamics of the group are so male oriented and they just get lost. Unfortunately, more men than women seek recovery so there is always going to be an inequity in this. We have some all female groups happening. Is there any offered in your area? And definitely talk to the counsellor. She needs to know how you're feeling and I am sure she has dealt with this issue before and may have some resolution for you. I know that you know this but, you really need to settle in your mind that you are there for your recovery, that it's the priority and you are not going to let any thing or any one sabotage it.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Keep up the good fight.

Thanks for your input here. I do know about the statistics concerning women seeking recovery, as I did extensive research in grad school on treatment uptions for women. I also have done a lot of work in internships and jobs at treatment centers and hospitals. I guess I am surprised about the ONLY factor in my situation. The percentages of women in the facilities I have worked in are about 33% of the patients are female. The same goes for the female participation in my coed AA meetings. I guess in my group, being as I am the only female, and the group is about 10 people, that makes it 10% female, which is far lower than my experience personally as well as professionally.

I certainly have no intentions of letting it trip me up in my recovery. It is more of a concern about the group. I would like to be able to connect in some way with my peers, and I am just not able to do it. The only thing I have in common with one guy is that his girlfriend likes cats. The only thing I have in common with another guy is that he and I both had gastric bypass surgery.

I will not give up. I just wish it were different.

Thanks,
Trish