Grizzly Joke

[Goatee]

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.

Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look .... .. . And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.


He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... And then ...... He tripped and fell.

Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .........
Reaching towards him with its left paw ..... And raising the right paw to strike .....


At that instant the Atheist cried out,

'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped ...
The bear froze ......
The forest was silent .....

A bright light shone upon the man,
And a voice came out of the sky ...

"You deny my existence for all these years,
You teach others I don't exist
And even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light .....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
But perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

... A pause ...


"Very well," said the voice ...


The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed ....
The bear dropped his right arm ....
Brought both paws together ....
Bowed his head & spoke...



"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.

Amen."

 

[Zelda_Freak]

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.

Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look .... .. . And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.


He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... And then ...... He tripped and fell.

Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .........
Reaching towards him with its left paw ..... And raising the right paw to strike .....


At that instant the Atheist cried out,

'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped ...
The bear froze ......
The forest was silent .....

A bright light shone upon the man,
And a voice came out of the sky ...

"You deny my existence for all these years,
You teach others I don't exist
And even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light .....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
But perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

... A pause ...


"Very well," said the voice ...


The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed ....
The bear dropped his right arm ....
Brought both paws together ....
Bowed his head & spoke...



"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.

Amen."

 

[Si_monfaith]

 

[HouseCat71]

 

[LickedByaDog]

 

[Grafted In]

Good one, antletems. Thanks for the chuckle.

 

[JackRT]

In a nearby town there is a synagogue and three churches --- Baptist, United and Catholic. All were having a terrible problem with pesky squirrels getting into their sanctuaries and creating a huge mess. There seemed no way of keeping them out. All four held congregational meetings to discuss the problem.

The Baptist congregation decided that they were predestined to have squirrels. Since it was God’s will for them, they decided to do nothing.

The United congregation decided to buy live traps to catch the squirrels. They caught them all but didn’t have the heart to kill them. They drove far out into the countryside and released them. A week later they had all returned.

The Catholic congregation decided to rent the live traps from the United Church. Once they had caught all the squirrels the priest had a brilliant inspiration --- he baptized all the squirrels and entered them into the church rolls. Then they let them go. Now they only show up twice a year!

The rabbi also rented the traps. He conducted a bris on the first male squirrel trapped and released him. None have been seen near the synagogue since.