Grieving in advance

[pegatha]

My mom has been going downhill for a while now. She's 75, widowed, and in constant pain from rheumatism and from fractures due to severe osteoporosis. She's spending most of her time asleep, and she's finally reached the point where she isn't interested in eating.

I've always heard that when an elderly person gives up food, it's a sign that they're ready to let go. I saw the same thing in my FIL just before he died. However, the nurses want to give her a temporary feeding tube to try to build up some strength. My sister, who lives near her, will be the one to make the final decision, since I'm on the other side of the country. If the feeding tube would really help, then I'm all for it. I'd love to think she may have several years left, if only she could spend them in some degree of comfort.

I believe she's saved, so I have no fears that way. But I want what's best for her. No one knows what she wants, because she's too drowsy to carry on a conversation. She isn't terminally ill, she's just exhausted and in pain and totally bedridden. We don't know whether the feeding tube will restore some vitality or merely add to her discomfort and prolong the process of dying. I don't want Mom put through that if she doesn't want to keep fighting. In the end it will be my sister's decision, because she's there and I'm here.

I know that losing your parents is a normal part of life, but I wish I didn't have to lose the last one just yet. My dad is gone, my in-laws are gone, and my sister's in-laws are gone. Mom is the last of the grandparents still alive.

 

[goliwog]

Hey i read Your post and at first didnt know what to say but i think god has given me this scripture just for you.


"who will bring me into the strong city? who will lead me into edom? Wilt not thou oh God, who hast cast us off? and wilt not thou God go forth with our hosts" psalms 108 v10-11"

No matter what happens or what you attempt to do if it is approved by God he will guid it and strenthen you. Consder this situation like a strong city and remember that god has already entered this city and already has control over the situation. Maybe you should start praying "If jesus Goes with me Ill go" Because that is all you will need to be in a winning situation seeing as God is already there. jesus has control over tjis therefore go with Jesus.

 

[ArmouredSaint]

hey,you sound as though you really have things in perspective,and thats from God.things creep up on you when someone we hold dear actually pass;I'll be praying for you on here pegatha.I'm sure its a daily heartache but she's going to cross over and that world is without ailments.God bless your 75 year old mother,and God bless you.

 

[pegatha]

Thanks, Goliwog & Saint. I know you're both right. Goliwog, thanks for the reminder that God is in control, and He will accomplish whatever needs to be accomplished. ArmouredSaint, you're right too, she will be in the best possible place when she finally passes. Humanly speaking, I don't know whether to pray that she rally and stay a little longer, or be allowed to go quickly, so it's a relief to know that I can simply ask for God's will and safely leave the decision with Him. Latest word from my sister is that Mom can't even be evaluated for a feeding tube until some time in August because the gastroenterologist is booked up till then. Anyway, thanks for the support and understanding.

 

[keeptrying]

Your story reminded me of when my mother passed away, she also had stopped eating. If your mother did not leave instructions on how she wanted you to proceed if this happened then rely on what you know about your mother, what would she want. You knew her all her life ask that God guide you to use the information you have to make the best decision. My sister lived closest to my mother and made all the decisions and I do now regret that I let her. Every situation is different though. I will say a prayer for you and your mother. God bless.

 

[pegatha]

I want to thank everyone who has prayed for my mom. The staff at the nursing home have been giving her meds to increase her appetite, and it seems to be working so far. She is rallying somewhat, although she's still incredibly frail, in pain (though that's improving gradually), and unwilling to do more than lie in bed all day. She won't ever be what she was, but at least she's still here to love for a while longer. I know it's touch and go and she could slide back downhill any day, but I'm so grateful for the reprieve, and for your prayers.