Grandfather's Second Wedding

[Phoenixtears1]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all are doing all right. I was looking for advice/guidance/prayers on a situation that's happening in my family right now.

A few years ago my grandmother, who was a Christian, died of lung cancer. She was a great woman and though a little rough at times, showed her love through words rather than through actions. Sometimes I didn't understand it, but I loved her.

My grandfather, who is not a Christian, is now remarrying to someone who is almost anti-Christians. She a pretty nasty woman, but was there for my grandfather as he went through a very difficult time in the hospital, a time where we thought we might lose him for good. Being musicians, my siblings and I have been asked to play for the wedding. They are to be married in a church but don't seem to want any religious music (or as she said, no songs that are recognizable enough for members of the congregation to want to join in song, ie: Be Thou My Vision). Just today I learned that some of her neices are to read from the Buddhist Lao Tse in the middle of the ceremony!

I don't know what to do! I'm so uncomfortable with the entire situation. I'm not even sure why they're getting married. I support it becasue I believe they might need each other at this stage in their lives (they are, after all, 'sleeping in the same room' to put it pleasantly), but then I don't support it because none of it seems right. My grandfather has heard of Jesus over and over again becasue his three sons are all Christians and believe in Jesus as their Savior. I'm going to play for the wedding to support my dad, who is also not happy about any of this.

I just am not sure what to do!! Do you guys have any words of wisdom? I've never been so stumped before. I definitely need to pray more about this, I know, and I'll get on that right now. It's just.... golly... how can I ease myself? Is there anything to do? They're not being very nice to me over e*mail and I just feel like writing nasty things back, but that isn't the way to behave either!! AHHH!!

Any thoughts????

~Phoenix

(Oh, and thanks in advance for helping me out.)

 

[tpk]

Well, you're right that right now a very important thing to do is pray. I haven't been in this type of situation before, so my advice might not be the best, but I'll tell you what I would probably do in the situation.
So from what you said, you can do any song, as long as the congregation would not join in? Well, since there's going to be someone reading from the Buddhist Lao Tse, I don't feel it's fair for her to bar you from doing a Christian song. Just do a song that might not be as well known but still gives glory to God.
And thank you for realizing that responding nastily to their emails is not the right behavior. Respond with love even though it is difficult. That's what Jesus would do.
Anyway, sorry I couldn't be of more help. Maybe someone else here can shed more light on what you should do. I'll be praying that everything turns out all right.
God bless
tpk

 

[Phoenixtears1]

Thanks for your sweet response and for your advice. It was very helpful.

As we draw nearer to the wedding my entire family's on edge. None of us feel the match is all right, but there's really nothing we can do.

Finally I set the playlist for the wedding, and though I recieved a rather haughty comment back about my like for Christian music, it's in stone. From now on I'm really just trying to distance myself from it all.... for instance, I'm really taking the viewpoint that I am merely a musician in the ceremony, not a family member or anything. For some reason, that's helping me.

Thanks again, tpk, for your response. It was much appreciated.

~Phoenix

 

[itisdeliciouscake]

one thing I noticed is that you said you support it because 'they might need each other in that stage of their lives'.

that's not true. A person doesn't NEED anything (nor do they truly HAVE anything) but Christ and Christ alone. I pray, that if my friends' walks with God falter, that he makes their lives miserable. Why? A lot of people would say that's unloving, but I say it's one of the most loving things I can want for them. If they begin to think that they don't need Christ, I want God to step in and show them what they truly HAVE. (aka, nothing except entitlement to Hell.) I want God to strip them of everything they put their trust in. (money, relationships, health... etc.) SO that they can realize the ONLY they can TRULY put their trust in is Christ. So that they can realize that all they need, and all they have, is Christ.

Should you want your grandad to be happy? OF COURSE! BUT, you should NEVER want your grandad to THINK that he has achieved some sort of TRUE happiness apart from Christ. If this wife gives him the illusion that he has acquired TRUE happiness and TRUE satisfaction and TRUE joy, then she's the worst thing that has ever happened to him. That's why I think you should be bold in making it clear that you don't support his marriage.

Do it with love, but be unwavering. Make sure he realizes that the reason you don't support it is because you care more about his eternal state than his temporary happiness. Make sure he realizes that you're willing to sacrifice what he thinks of you, for the sake of him staying away from someone who will lead him away from the possibility of being saved.

I'll make sure to keep you in my prayers.

 

[Phoenixtears1]

Ouch. That one stung. Okay...

___________________________________________________________


The wedding's over. None of us think we'll see him again. The whole ceremony was schlapped together really poorly. Turns out the music was actually the best part of the ceremony. In the end, I just took myself out of the situation. I gave myself the mindset of a pro bono musician, playing at a wedding that can't be stopped.

Just so y'all know, this is a very bad time. I really haven't even seen my grandfather all that much, and yet also have to deal with some pretty judgemental relatives that ARE Christians. I don't understand any of this at all. It's very very painful in the end.

But I'm just getting through it all right now, solely by the Grace of God! Amen! Thanks for the support.

God bless you all,
Phoenix