Google Search

[ValleyGal]

Warning - if you read the entire link, it's full of information you might find explicit. I only want to invite discussion on a small part.

The article tracked Google searches, parts of phrases, to see the most popular finishes to those phrases. For example, one search was "my boyfriend ____." Following are some of the results - the number is average monthly searches.

My boyfriend won't have sex with me = 805
My girlfriend won't have sex with me - 413

Compare that to:

My husband won't have sex with me = 972
My wife won't have sex with me = 1,048

The numbers between boyfriend and husband suggest men like sex almost as much married as they do before marriage, but it seems women are more sexually active prior to marriage than they are after they get married. Obviously a lot of things could factor into these searches and it would be foolish to make assumptions based on those numbers without exploring the context of each search. Still, I thought these numbers is interesting and invite you to share your thoughts on it.

To add to this discussion, there is another search term to consider ("____ marriage"). Here are the top two numbers:

Sexless marriage = 21,090
Unhappy marriage = 6,029

And another:

Abusive relationship = 5,867
Sexless relationship = 3,675

I obviously do not have a lot of space to fully discuss everything involved in this research tracking Google phrases, so please don't turn this into a bunch of arguments that I didn't say this or I should have said that. Keep it respectful. I am also not interested in hearing that people should not be having sex outside marriage. The fact is, most couples do have sex before marriage, and many of them are Christians. So what are your thoughts about the numbers?

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/25/o...ephens-davidowitz-searching-for-sex.html?_r=2

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

It's hard to draw conclusions based on your post about before marriage vs after. But I think by now we can all appreciate that women do in fact have as much if not more libido than men. But for various reasons women are typically the limiting factor. This will sound sexist, but I strongly believe women have a hard time being declined for sex after being constantly asked for sex.

As for marriage results, I'd say that the lower marriage rates are part of this. If we can be honest, other than the couples who buy into waiting until marriage, why in the world would a sexless or sex starved relationship turn into marriage?

 

[LinkH]

If homosexuals post these queries a lot more often than straights, that could really mess up the interpretation of the results as well. I'm thinking of these:

"My boyfriend won't have sex with me = 805
My girlfriend won't have sex with me - 413"

 

[ValleyGal]

Since gay marriage is legal for most people now, I'm not sure how that would only be reflected in the boyfriend/girlfriend categories. Wouldn't that also apply to marriages?

 

[DZoolander]

I'm not exactly sure what you're getting at with the OP. Are you asking if we think that it's true that women are less sexually active after marriage - or are you asking what we think the reasons why are?

 

[ValleyGal]

Open for any discussion. I thought the numbers were interesting on a number of levels. The article stated that the searches do not reflect survey stats on the same issues. I think the numbers beg a lot of different questions. What are some of your questions about the numbers, and how might you answer them?

 

[Inkachu]

I think there's some credibility to the stats, as I've heard of many, many people who call themselves Christians and still engage in pre-marital sex. It's extremely depressing and angering to me. I'm glad to say that it didn't and doesn't apply to me or my marriage. Thank God.

 

[DZoolander]

For the sake of playing devil's advocate - why would it be any more depressing and/or angering than say...if you found out that someone that called themselves a Christian got angry at their neighbour, got angry on the road and cursed the other driver for cutting them off, etc?

 

[Inkachu]

For the sake of playing devil's advocate - why would it be any more depressing and/or angering than say...if you found out that someone that called themselves a Christian got angry at their neighbour, got angry on the road and cursed the other driver for cutting them off, etc?

Because I've never seen a family destroyed by someone cussing out another driver. But I've seen plenty destroyed by the infidelities, STD's, unplanned pregnancies, guilt, shame, and insecurity that come with premarital sex.

I know we love to play the "all sins are equal" game, but they're not. All sins are equally sinful but some are much more devastating and far-reaching than others.

 

[DZoolander]

You've seen families destroyed because of premarital sex?

and understand - I'm drawing a distinction between that and extra-marital sex (infidelity).

In other words, you've seen families wrecked because Jane Doe had sex with her boyfriend when she was single, available and not dating anyone else?

 

[mkgal1]

Hmm....is there a difference between an unplanned (and undesired) pregnancy while married rather than unmarried?

What I mean is.....is it less traumatic when two are married? Because, IMO, it may just be *more* complicated if--for instance--a wife declares that she was going to have this baby whether or not the husband was on board (and the husband was declaring that he'd see himself to the door if she did). IOW......it's not the premarital sex that causes the real issues---it's the lack of two people having the same goals and motivations (and that can happen while married, too...look at this thread). ***This isn't meant to be an endorsement for premarital sex.....I'm just merely pointing out that the "real enemy" is--most likely---something else.

 

[Inkachu]

You've seen families destroyed because of premarital sex?

and understand - I'm drawing a distinction between that and extra-marital sex (infidelity).

In other words, you've seen families wrecked because Jane Doe had sex with her boyfriend when she was single, available and not dating anyone else?

If Jane came home pregnant or with HIV, to parents who thought she was a good little virgin and decided to disown her and throw her out in the street and tell everyone in the house that she's dead to them and they're all humiliated because of her... uh YEAH, I've seen it happen. I did plenty of wreckage to my own family when I got pregnant at 22 years old. Not to mention wreckage to myself, my future, my self esteem, my college career, on and on and on.

 

[mkgal1]

My question is.....is that the enemy of premarital sex.....or the enemy of legalism? With the mention of HIV......considering it's the same two people......what would a marriage certificate do to prevent that? (I don't mean to sound snarky....but that just doesn't seem to be a strong argument).

 

[DZoolander]

That's pretty wacky to me. But then again, I don't have any expectation that my daughter will be saving herself for "the one" (nor do I think I'd even lobby for it - advise her that it's a good idea to do so). Rather I'd prefer to give my daughter some basic facts about life.

Like - there's no such thing as lasting young love. There's no such thing as a committed young man (and even when they think they are - they're wrong). There's no such thing as an accidental pregnancy if proper precautions have been taken (and what that means). You don't want kids until all your other ducks are in a row. Etc etc etc.

Once that framework is set - everything else should fall into place. But even if it didn't - I can't imagine disowning her - and anyone that would judge her/us - I'd tell to go to hell lol

 

[ValleyGal]

Inka, I've seen premarital sex destroy families, too... teen pregnancies leave grandma and grandpa raising a little baby along with their own teenager, a 13 year old who lived on the streets because mom and dad would not allow her to have sex in their home, big brothers beating boyfriend up for sex with a minor and big brothers end up in juvie. I even knew of one situation where a single mom was in a dating relationship, she ended up with HIV and that affected how the family lived. Yes, it can destroy families.

I wonder if those same women that put out before marriage are the same ones who stop after marriage. I mean, the google searches suggest that married people do not have sex as much as those who are not married (regardless of age, since Google does not supply that information). Speaking of age, I wonder if it's younger people who have more and older ones who have less, etc....

 

[mkgal1]

I mean, the google searches suggest that married people do not have sex as much as those who are not married (regardless of age, since Google does not supply that information).

Google searches only suggest that if people make assumptions and leap to conclusions.

When I just did a Google search (typing in the specific question, "who has more sex---married or singles?") I got this information:

Research shows that married couples actually have sex with much greater frequency than single people.1

1. National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Centre for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University. Journal of Sexual Medicine, Vol. 7, Supplement 5.

Over 85 percent of married couples in their late 20's have sex at least a few times a month, compared with 35 percent of singles, according to a survey by the Kinsey Institute.

....and not only is the sex more frequent (according to research and polls)...it's also more fulfilling in marriage (more often than not).

 

[mkgal1]

Inka, I've seen premarital sex destroy families, too... teen pregnancies leave grandma and grandpa raising a little baby along with their own teenager, a 13 year old who lived on the streets because mom and dad would not allow her to have sex in their home, big brothers beating boyfriend up for sex with a minor and big brothers end up in juvie. I even knew of one situation where a single mom was in a dating relationship, she ended up with HIV and that affected how the family lived. Yes, it can destroy families.

I'm sorry.....but what came to my mind when I was reading this was this commercial (slippery slope reasoning):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIv3m2gMgUU

....there is a LOT more thrown in there that's not typical of the general situation of premarital sex (for one thing...."premarital" doesn't have to mean "teen". I think all here would agree that teenagers shouldn't be having sex).

 

[ValleyGal]

I don't care if it's slippery slope reasoning. The argument is that it CAN destroy families. I just demonstrated some of the ways it CAN - and HAS.

 

[DZoolander]

People have drowned, too. Doesn't mean that you're necessarily taking unreasonable risk hopping in the pool.

 

[ValleyGal]

Well, jumping into a pool is not immoral or against God's expectations, either.